Yo VIP. Let’s kick It….

Alright stop.
Collaborate and listen
Jedward’s back with a brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo - I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Pressure pushing down on meeee...

Good evening! I’m feeling very under pressure right now (hence the opening) as so many people who read my blogs have kind words to say about them. I fear the kind words will not be received after this one, so please don’t raise any hopes! For I am currently curled up on the sofa in my jammies with a hoodie (all pinks obvs), a blanket, box of tissues, soothers, a hot ribena, a lemon Lemsip, vitamins and Beechams flu tablets! Yes I sure do know how to spend a Friday evening; you don’t need to tell me! I woke up this morning feeling a little strange and as the time went by it become apparent that I was facing the beginning of a cold. Seriously, why now? It’s Friday, just in time for the weekend. Fabulous…. NAAAAT! So tonight I’m heading off to the land of nod early, after overdosing on vitamins and flu attacking medicines in the hope that I’ll wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy (I’ve been quoting song lyrics all day, I don’t know what’s wrong with me) … Sorry what I meant to say was: in the hope that I’ll awake tomorrow feeling a lot better. :) Well, that’s the plan anyway.

Today was my second #follow Friday on Twitter *geek* and it was lovely. Heatworld tweeted me once again. I swear this is literally the most exciting news of my day. I’m guessing you’re all thinking I’m pretty lame, but seriously in my world, this is HUGE!! (Think how big Michelle McManus was, and triple it… see I told you it was huge!)… OUCH that was low Em. And I apologise, that was defo the Lemsip talking. Sorry Miss McManus. *puts head down in shame* Moving on… in other twitter news I’m following @CherylKerl who pretends to be Cheryl Cole but types in her Geordie accent. It is the funniest (but often very hard to read) twitter I’ve come across. One of their tweets this morning had me choking with laughter and gasping for air (or that could just be my cold?!) it said: “Went oot faw dinnah last neet an Ash had Buffaleu wings startah, Ah didden even kna tha buffaleus can flay leik man, amazin!” Hahaaa oh I love how I’m so easily amused!

So I actually worked this afternoon, even with my growing lurgy. I know what you’re all thinking “Emma, working?!” “What an absolute hero!” And yes, that I am! Anyhow, there I was perched on my till, daydreaming of it being 6 0clock (home time) when an elderly gentleman came up to me, pinched my left cheek and said “This must be the highlight of your day” I was quite taken aback by the whole cheek-pinching incident and he had caught me a little off guard so my slow response was “No I’d rather be shoe shopping.” (Which, in my defence, I would have) He then replied “No, I meant serving me darling. I’M the highlight of your day” (emphasis on I’m!) Oh wow. As if this wasn’t bad enough he progressed to wink at me, and then decided to lick his lips. Don't get me wrong I’m all for a bit of cheeky banter with customers. I love it when people arrange their bananas and oranges in a suggestive manner. But the licking of the lips was quite frankly one step too far. And to be brutally honest it didn’t float any of my boats (not even the cheap plastic ones I used to have for the paddling pool as a young child.) Another occurrence of today is that I sold some pig cheek… err wtf?! Ah, the joys of being a checkout girl, eh?!

In other blog-worthy news I'm still having very vivid and rememerable dreams. Apparently it has something to do with what you eat before bed, cheese is something that is said to cause such vivid dreams, but I don't even like cheese so I certainly haven't been eating any before bed. Therefore I'm terribly confused as to why I keep having such odd dreams. I mean I never even used to have any, or if I did I certainly didn't remember any of them. The whole having-weird-dreams-and-remembering-them deal has being going on for several weeks now, in fact it was before the NTA's and when I went to stay at Sophs back around the 19th January, so yeah, its been quite a while now. Last nights dream consisted of me walking around London when a woman who was dressed all in Chanel (sunglasses, shoes, handbag, the LOT) came running up to me crying because her ear lobes had started growing and they wouldn't stop. I was slightly creeped out this, I mean come on, her ear lobes were like down to her shoulders and were growing at quite a fast rate, so me being me, I started crying. (Just wait, it gets weirder) Out of the blue a Native American Indian (the ones who lived in Tipis and had feathers in the hair etc) came along bashed the ladys head against the nearest building and galloped off on a horse. (See I told you!!) Now not only were her lobes ridiculously long but now her head was bleeding as well. I rang for an ambulance but instead a bus arrived (?!) and John Terry was the driver. People started throwing eggs at him and booing, whilst I picked up the poor woman from the floor and told the dirty cheater *cough* him to put his foot down and take us to the hospital. Anyway I can't remember the exact details of what happened in the hospital, but don't fear the woman was fine. I had saved the day! Yay for me, see I told you I'm a hero! And she thanked me by giving me her Chanel bag. RESULT! So if in real life any woman with scarily long ear lobes that won't stop growing runs up to me in London, I will not be alarmed and I will help her out (purely in the hope that she'll give me her Chanel bag!)

This blog has literally taken everything out of me. *Yawns*

So I’ll love you and leave you with some words from the lyrical genius that is Lady Gaga:
“He licked his lips,
Said to me,
Girl you look good, enough to eat.
Put his arms around me.
Said "Boy now get your paws right off of me"”
Just think about that for a bit… :)!

Adios xo

P.S. My sources have told me that the NOTW have a BIG Cheryl story coming up in the next few days. And that it is *apparently* associated with Ashley Cole and Vanessa Perroncel. Hmm.. time will tell I guess. I’m jumping to conclusions here, but he better not have cheated again, and if he has I ruddy hope she leaves him.