Valentine's Day Review (the movie, not the actual day!)

As mentioned in last night’s blog I ended my Valentine’s Day by going to watch ‘Valentine’s Day’ at the cinema… what a coincidence! Luckily for me I had the best date going, step forward Natalie Fish! After purchasing our own weight in popcorn and ridiculous amounts of sweets (we needed something to lob at the sickly loved-up couples) a tango (because it’s orange obvs) to share with two red straws… (Whoever said romance was dead, clearly didn’t know us) we sat down in our seats and waited for the film to begin. We were ready and we were excited because we’d seen all the adverts which made it out to be the best thing since sliced bread. I mean they had a ridiculous amount of huge names to star in it, oh hi Ashton Kutcher, hiya Anne Hathaway, hi Jessica Biel and Alba, hello Jamie Foxx etc, etc, so obviously the expectations were high. Too high…

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to start with the one thing I genuinely HATED about it, just to get her out the way... Taylor Swift. Gross. Go away. I do not want to see you ever again. She played the annoying, american, ditzy, idiotic, bit-of-a-slut-but-I'm-still-a-virgin teenage girl. I say 'played' but she was blates just being herself, which she quite frankly did awfully. Stick to the country singing Swift. Actually no don't stick to that, run away and hibernate so I never have to see you again. Ergh. Moving on...

Besides from Swift's dialogue there were some freaking hilarious one-liners in amongst the rest of the rubbish script. The first one that caught my attention was "The closest relationship I have is with my Blackberry." YES. Loves it! Then there was one which caused myself and Nat to literally howl with laughter "I'm gay and I'm gonna play!" Our laughter caused the couple in front of us to come up for air and stop sucking one another's faces to glare at us. (I disliked them more than Swift!) Then there was the line "Err, that's my water" and the "This is the busiest day in the year for phone sex... surprise!" and lastly "Is it my height? Coz I'm going to grow!" Don't get me wrong, these moments sure did make me giggle but to be honest apart from these lines there wasn't that much laughter going on, which was a shame!

I can't really go into the plot; it would get a little bit confusing. It was a lot of storylines all in one film, with them all somehow linking together; think 'He's not that into you'. Thinking about it though all the different plots were pretty much the same, start with happiness, go through some sadness and end on more happiness. How original *rolls eyes* Subsequently the script nor the storylines were great. The majority of it was predictable, minus a couple of moments which took me totally by surprise. It looked like they had blown their whole budget on getting the cast and didn't have enough money to pay someone to write a script so kind of just faffed about with it. Big mistake. It could have been SO good.

At the end and having watched it all, I left the cinema feeling a little cheated. It had been advertised as being directed by the same man who did Pretty Woman, so the stakes were high, but the film wasn’t. For me the film had too many stars and too few laughs. They had such a good cast and they could have done so much more, but because of all the names they didn’t really have a chance to properly focus on any of them. (There was too much Swift and not enough Kutcher for me personally!) As I said earlier it reminded me a lot of ‘He’s not that into you’ and ‘Love Actually’. However, give me Love Actually over either of them any day. C’mon the Brits!! I went expecting so much and I really did want to love it and it broke my heart that I didn't. However having said all of that I'm now going to go backtrack on everything I've just said and tell you all that I am actually glad I saw it (!!) especially on Valentine’s Day, it was the perfect viewing and I don’t think I’d want to watch it on any other day, it would be a bit like watching a Christmas film when Christmas has been and gone. There was nothing too depressing and nothing too romantic. Thank goodness! And actually, yes, I would recommend it. But only if you're a chick-flick lover! Like I said there were a couple of twists in the storyline that took me by surprise and made it worth sitting there for 2 hours, oh that and the fact Ashton Kutcher was involved. Hello! Although I felt I had earned him, after all I was having to put up with Taylor Swift *shudder* at the same time! (I cannot emphasis how effing annoying she really was!)
Overall I'd give it ★★★ (I would give it 2 and a half but I can't find half a star?!)
It also finished on another corker of a line “We’ll end it with 3 words: Lets. Get. Naked.”
… which would lead me onto Britney, seeing as that’s practically the title of one of her songs… but that’s a whole other blog and I’m tired… Night xo

P.S. A note for everyone... apparently the lights come on at the end of a film, so if you're planning to hide from a load of loved-up smoochy couples don't wait around. It doesn't work. Just leg it!!