Girl Power.

In a previous blog I wrote about how I'd been watching a lot of television recently. This goes hand in hand with the blog I am about to write. Step forward the Spice World movie. It was on last night on Viva, and repeated again this afternoon. Normally I wouldn't recommend being ill over Christmas, but I'm starting to realise that it has its benefits. I've watched the Spice Movie twice within 24 hours without even having to get up and swap the dvd. Win.

Let's go back, back in time, to when I was about 8. I freaking loved the Spice Girls. As you well know, my name is Emma, and Baby Spice had the same name. She was obviously therefore my favourite, well joint favourite with Posh. Obvo. I had their albums (on cassette - how retro!) their calendar, the photos you collected, the dolls, the big yellow puffa jacket, and the black one, the platform shoes, the duvet cover, pens and pencils and pretty much any other Spice Memorabilia that was on offer. Like I said, I LOVED them!

So imagine my absolute delight when on Boxing Day of 1997 the Spice World movie was released in cinemas, of course I went with my family in tow, Mum, Dad and a 3 year old Liam. I was mesmerised from the very first minute. It was pure brilliance. The acting wasn't so great, but I for one didn't give a hoot. The storyline had my chuckling away in my uncomfortable cinema seat. My dad genuinely fell asleep, my brother cried and my mum said she was bored, but deep down I'm pretty sure she enjoyed it a tiny bit. She's a girl after all, she's got Girl Power. Anyway I loved it so much I demanded to watch it again. So I did, straight after watching it the first time. I was a happy girl. My favourite line from the entire film and one that I have remembered ever since is one of Victoria's. It's in the part where she's driving the bus around London in a rush to get to their concert, which they are late for. And they attempt to drive over the London Tower Bridge, as it's opening to let a boat under. HORROR. She screams "Hold onto your knickers, girls." Looking back this really isn't that amusing at all, but at the time I was crying with laughter, literally. I had tears rolling down my little 8 year old chubby cheeks, which were probably stuffed with popcorn at the time. Other favourite lines include Victoria shouting "AND I'M VICTORIA MALCOLM." "The little Gucci dress. The little Gucci dress. Or the little Gucci dress?" and "I had a dream but it was much worse. I had a head... But it had no make up on it." All of which are VB and EB quotes, told you they were my favs!

Watching the film back last night and I was transported back to my childhood. It was nice, hearing all their songs again. I'm not ashamed to admit that I still knew all the words and have subsequently had my Spice Girls playlist on repeat (much to my Brother's annoyance when I took him out earlier.) The conversation went a little like this "Em, why are we listening to this rubbish?" "You're a boy. You don't have Girl Power. You wouldn't understand. Now shut up." "You're 21, get over it!" "Zigga Zig Ahhh." "Oh God." *puts his earphones in, so I turn the radio up louder.* I remember listening to their albums on repeat (mainly because they were one of about 3 albums that I actually owned.) I used to prance around in my platform shoes, my hair in bunches and often sucking on a Chupa Chup wishing my last name was Bunton.

It's coming up to 3 years since I went and saw them live at o2. Twice. Even then, at 18 I was an over-excited mess. Dancing whilst screaming back all the songs to them. It was without a doubt my favourite concert I've ever been to. Yep, they beat Britney. In my excitement last night I may have accidently spammed Vicky B on Twitter. Reminding her of how she waved to us, and how if she replies it will be even better. I'm still awaiting her reply! She's obviously busy making me a special video message or something... Anyway the only thing left to say on this topic is that The Spice Girls were and always will be the best girl group. And that bitches, is a Fact (note the capital F.)

Now, whilst I'm on the topic of brilliant films, Mary Poppins is currently on. Julie Andrews is an absolute Goddess. I also love her. I wish we were related, or at the very least friends, so that we could embark on country walks up hills and run around on the top with our arms spread wide open singing "The Hills Are Alive" whilst obviously wearing outfits made out of curtains. And on that note, I am off to see if I can tidy my room by just simply clicking my fingers. It never worked when I was a child, much to my dismay. But it's ok, because if Mary Poppins taught me anything it was that "in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun."

And with that, good day to you all.

When boredom strikes...

…You write a blog. About absolutely anything and EVERYTHING. Hello.

Recently whilst moping in my bed of flu I’ve had a lot of time to think about things. This might seem like a strange thing to say, but I don’t actually think that often. You know like, really, deeply think about something. Analyse it. Evaluate it. Yeah I’m normally too lazy for that kind of stuff, but alas the Lemsips I have been knocking back and the paracetamol and Soothers I have been popping have triggered my brain into thinking. What an absolute revelation!

For example earlier I was thinking about how bizarre babies are. (Not as controversial as it first may appear) Several of my friends have recently given birth, several are extremely close to popping and several have bumps which are expanding daily. I’ve always found pregnancy a very weird concept. Having a little human grow inside you, having it start off the size of a super teeny weeny thing (I’ve never been the greatest at science) and having it morph into a fully fledged baby, being able to feel it move, and sometimes hiccup. What the hell?! Now, having been sent pictures of a baby minutes old, I’m not going to lie, it creeped me out a little bit. To think that just 5 minutes before that picture was taken that baby was still inside. Inside and living in a womb, which is all it has even known, and then suddenly (or not so suddenly as the case may be. 57 hours in labour. I salute you) and it’s out there in the real world. A little breathing human being… I can’t and probably never will get my head around it. It’s incredible, fascinating, brilliant, mind-blogging and a little bit peculiar!

Another thing I have over-analysed is... crackers. *Hello massive subject change* They only really ever come out around the Christmas period. But what actually are they? A colourfully decorated cardboard tube with frilly bits on either-end, that contains a card strip which when ripped apart bangs, a paper hat (which is several sizes too big for the average sized human head) and a rubbish toy/gadget and a joke. I mean what the hell? Who or earth in their right mind invented that? Thomas J. Smith in 1847, that is who! This also leads me on to asking the question of who writes the poxy jokes? Possibly the worst jokes ever written. I mean seriously some of the trash you get in them, it wouldn’t surprise me if in the joke-writing office they have competitions to see who can write the un-funniest, most unoriginal and shittest joke possible.

There was another topic which I pondered for quite a while but it would appear that I have forgotten it. Can't have been that interesting then, never mind hey! I'm guessing you have all gathered from the utter randomness and poor writing style that, yes I am still flu-ridden. However today I ventured out of bed. Reb! Only to quickly wish that I was back in it! I have also drunk way too many Lemsips and feel a little drowsy. I don't suppose you can OD on flu medicines. Can you? Eeeek! Talking of drinks I was told today (actually about half an hour ago) about Pina Colada flavoured tea. As you well know I do not drink tea. Or coffee for that matter. However if its Pina Colada flavour I think I could be persuaded. And get this bitches, it doesn't even come in a tea bag (cue the "How do I open this Jaz?" moment. Whoops) Oh no, this bad lad comes in (and I quote) "like yellow crystallized powder stuff. 3 scoops in every 20mls or summink *shrugs*" Thanks Amy!

I wish I could play the piano.

Bye! xo

And the award for the Worst/Most boring Blog EVER written goes to... THIS ONE.

Hello. I have flu. It's turning me into an illiterate fool. Honestly, my brain has gone into meltdown and I can't type/spell/function. It is horrendous. The smallest of tasks, such as spelling the word 'tongue' have become insanely challenging for my brain (yes, you are correct in thinking that I graduated from Uni with a degree in Journalism earlier this year, so yes I should be able to spell a simple word. Fml.) Anyway I ended up spelling it 'tounge' which actually looking at it now is a much prettier way of spelling it. So in my delusional mood I thought I'd have a giggle and attempt to write a blog. So here I am now, writing this utter nonsense, which I can't be bothered to reread/spell check, so deal with it.

So, Christmas this year was, umm, interesting. I'm not going to lie; it was without a doubt the worst one I have ever experienced in my 21 years. I've been lucky enough to never have had a bad one before, but this one sure as hell made up for that. I'm very much pleased it is over. So long Christmas, and quite frankly, good bloody riddence. On a happier note on Christmas Eve Dermot posted a picture of him and his turkey. Cue new background.

The last couple of days my life has revolved around the TV. This has been one of the only things that I have truly enjoyed this year. The endless films and Christmas specials are usually missed because I'd have normally been out partying dressed as a reindeer or something, however due to certain circumstances the partying reindeer in me didn't come out this year, and instead I spent my evenings in my snuggie watching tv trash. Highlights have included Celebrity Juice, Love Actually, Nativity and Eastenders. Shoot me. I can't believe I just wrote that. Those of you who know me will be stunned/horrified/realise that I truly am ill due to the fact I just admitted to watching Eastenders. If there is one thing I despise it would be soaps. The acting is rubbish, the storylines are ridiculous and they're on too much. Count me out. However I actually quite enjoyed the whole saga of Stacey up on the rood covered in psycho Janine's blood. That was until Stacey flew off to some tropical climate to live happily ever after. If it were down to me I would have had her jump off that roof and splattered across the square... tis the season and all that jazz.

Back to wallowing about my poor fluey self. There may no longer be snow outside however my bedroom resembles a snowstorm. There are tissues everywhere. I sneeze. I snot. And then I throw. I aim for bin but often miss. I haven't played netball since year 11. My skills are lacking. Bite me. I also have an array of flavoured soothers. Peach would be my favourite. Closely followed by Strawberry. And then lastly Blackcurrant. I do not like lemsip, at all. Hot Ribena used to be a favourite, it has now become tedious. My nose looks like Rudolph's (how very festive of me) yet resembles a cheese grater. Ouch. My body aches. My head hurts. My eyes feel heavy. When I swallow it feels like I'm swallowing a tennise ball covered in blades. All in all I'm having an absolute blast. Here's hoping that it'll be gone by New Year's Eve. And if not, Eastenders better have a juicy storyline that night as well.... FML!

Also I bizarrely want to go and shop in the sales. Yes you did read that right. I, Emma Jamieson, want to shop in the sales. I really am NOT myself at the minute.

I watched Love Actually for the 175,736,992th time last night. It never, ever bores me. I still laugh, I still cry and I still smile through every second of it.

"Eight is a lot of legs, David."

I've just sneezed 8 times.

And on that note, goodbye.

Festive Friends.

Hello strangers, it’s been a while hasn’t it. So long in fact that I had forgotten my password. I had to contact my babe who kindly reminded me of it, so you should all thank her for the goodness your eyes are about to read. Something about a strawberry anyone? So anyway yeah, having finally logged in and returning to my blog I find cobwebs and a genuwine tumbleweed rolling around. Not. Impressed.

Let’s get the juice out the way, since last speaking I have (and in no particular order… ) Shopped. Gossiped. Laughed. Drunk. Danced. Shopped some more. Got Married. Quickly followed that up with a divorce. Drunk hot chocolate. Dribbled over Dermot. Paused X Factor on Dermot’s face. Licked the tv screen. Wished I was Dermot’s wife. Tweeted. Been tweeted BY Dermot. Left uni. Graduated. Hiccupped. Sneezed. Yawned. Went to London. Thought I was going to The X Factor, when really I was being taken out for dinner. Sulked because of this. Made a snowman. Read Heat magazine. Laughed at myself. Watched Nativity over 20 times. Munched my way through several boxes of Festive Friends with my babe. Been given my own mini Christmas tree from Phoebs to decorate seeing as my own mother, the woman who gave birth to me, still, after 21 flipping years, doesn’t trust me enough to let me touch ours. Oh no God forbid anyone apart from her touches the tree, it’s so extreme that everyone must evacuate the house and not return until she has sculpted it perfectly and how she wants it. She can be such a scrooge. I rebelled and moved a bauble earlier. She noticed within 20 minutes. Fml. I bought some shoes. Bought two Christmas presents. Both of which are for Jazpups. Broken my phone. Cried because I did so. Cursed Orange and T Mobile to the moon and back. Sipped on some Rum Punch. Fell out with Hannah. Slut. Wanted to go to New York. Wished I was capable of saving money so I could go to London. Rekindled a few relationships. Ordered my bridesmaid dress. Had several Ned’s and wish he would just eff off out of my life forever. He is not wanted. Said I was going to buy some hi-tops, and no one believed I would. Bought some hi-tops. Gold and pink ones to be exact. Walked around like Cher Lloyd. Went to a work Christmas party. Don’t remember any of it. Probably a good thing. Received quite a few bouquets of flowers. FYI I’d prefer the cash/a new pair of shoes. Sparkled some sparklers. Gone blonde. IMO they have the same amount of fun as brunettes. And lastly had an amazing/important/exciting/jolly/extraordinary/funny/possibly life changing phone call which prompted me to write this blog...

And breatheeeeeeeeee.

Phew. So today is (well at the time of typing it’s the 22nd December, however by the time this is published it’ll be the 23rd knowing me, anyway I digress) we are approximately 3/2/1 days away (depending on when I actually post this) and to be fair, I’m really not feeling Christmassy at all this year. Not sure why. The decs are up. The advent calendar has been eaten. (All of it. In one go. On the 1st of December...) The cards have been received. The presents have taken their place under the perfectly constructed tree, which under no circumstances may be touched. *Yes. Sir. Sorry, I mean Mum.* The festive films have been on tv. Which I have happily watched. Yet I am still not feeling festive, really, at all. I fear this may just mean that I am *shudder* Growing. Up. *sick in mouth* Oh sweet Mother of Jesus please have mercy on me. I may as well blaady ask Santa for anti-wrinkle cream, a zimmer frame and a hearing aid for Christmas this year.

I miss the days when I would get excited about the next Christmas on Boxing Day morning. When after my Birthday (in May) the countdown to Christmas officially began. When I was taken to see Santa and I could sit on his lap and ask him for hundreds of presents without looking like a deluded weirdo. Don’t judge me. I miss making paper chains at school on the last week before we split up for the Christmas holidays. I miss the annual Christmas party where everyone had to bring in an item of food. I miss being so excited that I couldn’t sleep and genuinely believing that this year would be the year I’d finally be able to stay awake and see Santa, but always falling asleep just before he came. Sigh. I miss opening my bedroom door and seeing a sack full of presents. Stuff those poxy stockings, I had a sack. Suck me. I miss going downstairs and seeing a half eaten carrot and an empty can of Pepsi and a half eaten chocolate bar. Mum and Dad always said Santa would get bored of all the mince pies and milk from other children so I should leave something different…

Now a days I only get a stocking and its filled with really pointless stuff that my mum will then go on to complain about in the following weeks “Em, clean all that clutter off your dressing table.” “Err, Mum you bought me that ‘clutter’ and stuffed it in my stocking you moron. Fill my stocking with shoes next year and quit your moaning. Thank you.” Sadly I now get more excited about people opening my presents I’ve got them rather than what they’ve got me. Every year my mum huffs how I always buy everything myself and I leave her with nothing to buy me. Technically that isn’t true Mum, I want a penthouse apartment in New York, I haven’t bought that yet have I? Hop to it, please. Then comes Christmas dinner. This is normally spewed up pretty much straight after consumption due to a horrific hangover after a messy night out on Christmas Eve. The rest of the day is a blur after guzzling Bucks Fizz, Champers and whatever other alcoholic beverage is on offer. Oh, and the obligatory scoffing of Roses/Miniature Heroes/Quality Streets obviously occurs. Then comes the turkey sandwich around 10pm. Standard procedure. Don’t get me wrong I love Christmas, I just miss the buzz you got as a kid, but hey, you can’t have it all... So long as I get that apartment on 5th Ave you won’t hear me complaining this year.

I think I’m going to leave it there for now Blogette’s. It’s been fun, I for one have enjoyed myself. Hopefully you feel the same. Not bothered if you don’t, as I was told today to “Write for me. Write because you want to. Write because you’re good at it.” So that is exactly what I have done. I may pop back tomorrow. I may not. I might be busy with an alcoholic beverage/variety of. So if I’m not back before Christmas I'd like to wish you all a very merry one. I hope the presents are good, the food is scrumptious and the hangovers are hideous, because, let’s face it: the worse the hangover, the better the night before!

Goodnight xo

P.S. Just a little someink’ someink’ to leave you with - Christmas. The magical time of year where you can scream "hoe hoe hoe" at slutty strangers and innocently claim that you were "being festive". I plan to take full advantage tomorrow and Friday night.

X Factor Blog #1

So I haven’t blogged properly for a while, I’ve wanted to I just haven’t really had anything that interesting to say. That was until Saturday night. After watching two and a half hours of pure entertainment on my television it dawned on me that I actually love The X Factor more than I love a lot of things (obviously not shopping, that would be pushing it) and so I am taking it upon myself to blog about it every week. This will be exciting won’t it? (Cue little nods in agreement.) I’ll do a brief overview of the acts and sum it up, Emma style. (This will obviously involve a lot of innuendos about Dermot, not having a bad word to say about Cheryl and pointing out who had the best pair of shoes on the night, as well as umm, you know, talking about the acts and stuff.) So let’s get this things started. Welcome to my very first X Factor Blog *da daaaaaarrrr*

Saturday 9th October saw the very first live show of the X Factor hit our screens. The moment I had literally been waiting the last 9 months for had arrived. The adverts finished and the X flashed up. Dan laughed at me as I “sat to attention” The voice-over man bellowed “They auditioned in their thousands, to be the Next. Big. Thing. After a gruelling boot-camp and a dramatic judges houses, last week the final 12 were revealed. Tonight they sing live. And there’s a BIG twist. It’s time. To face. The music.” Cue the credits. My eyes were fixated on the screen, I didn’t want to blink. I was ready and waiting to see the Sex God that is Dermot O’Leary. I was praying he’d be wearing a tight grey suit (or even better, absolutely nothing.) Sadly, he wasn’t rocking either. This bummed me out a little, but I didn’t mind because he’d soon soften the blow of the random blue (blue? Err, why?) suit and red tie combo by saying “Your Saturday night starts here” proceeding to twirl and then giving a little point of his arm… but to my absolute horror he didn’t do that either. Seriously Derm, up your game babe. I decided not to get too wound up over Dermot’s suit and to concentrate on something even more important… Cheryl’s outfit. Now thanks to Twitter I had already been informed that she was looking divine (err, when does she not?) and she didn’t disappoint. Out she stepped in a one shouldered sleek black dress with cute little bow shoes, with her hair tied back. Now I’d never noticed it before but Nat pointed it out and she actually has very big ears… but she totes pulls them off too! Also everyone kept going on about how “orange” her tan was, I personally didn’t notice this, she’s going to seriously have to orange it up even more if she wants to be part of my tango club. Danni also looked very nice; her hair was also up, rocking some sexy red lipstick and wearing a pretty white lace number. Cute, but not as lush as Cheryl, as per. Simon and Louis wore suits, Simon’s was quite low cut. Standard. Anyway onto the “BIG twist” which wasn’t a surprise at all. I’d known about it for at least a week, it had been all over the papers and it wasn’t that exciting really. Every judge had a wildcard, and were able to invite an act from each of their categories back to join the live shows. So it was a big welcome back and hello to for Dannii and the boy’s it was Paije, for Cheryl and the girls, Treyc (and her massive behind, we’ll come onto THAT later…) Louis bought back Wagner for the over 28’s and Simon chose to bring back Diva Fever *squeal* for the groups. The theme for tonight’s show was number 1’s.

Onto the acts, and first to perform was a group for Simon, step forward FYD. I’m not sure what “FYD” stands for but Jaz came up with the novel idea of “Fuck Your Drama” a lovely little saying, which will be used quite frequently living in Bournemouth… anyway back to the singing. Out they popped and sang and danced along to “Billionaire.” I wasn’t overly fussed by them, they seemed quite forgettable, and let’s face it, they are no JLS. I liked the one with the floppy hair, and detested the one with the glasses. He was annoying and had too much camera time for my liking. The one with the mohawk was annoying as well; all in all I really didn’t care too much for them. They had a tough job opening the very first live show and they did ok, nothing special, apart from floppy hair, but actually looking back he couldn’t dance very well so even he wasn’t that good. Second to take to the stage was “painter/decorator Matt” (aka the one who wears the hat) who sang Kelly Rowland’s “When Love Takes Over.” I like him, he sang the song really well, and it wasn’t something you’d expect from him, showing utter versatility. He also seemed more confident, probs because he was wearing his trusty hat. Lovely. After some stupidly annoying poxy adverts it was back and the over 28’s John Adeleye’s turn to take to the stage. I like him purely for his name, I think it’s probably the best one the voice-over man has to say this year, but it doesn’t beat last year’s “Rachel Adedeji” That was a cracker, I don’t think we’ll ever top that one. Anyway, John sang Mariah Carey’s “One Sweet Day.” He sang it well, hit the notes, but over-all was just terribly boring…. Neeeext. Rebecca was up for Cheryl and the girls singing “Teardrops” by Womack & Womack. This was nice; she has a really good voice, but once again, borefest. Having said that I actually like Rebecca, mainly because she’s from Liverpool, I like Liverpool a lot. (I’ll be up soon Shelley!!x) She gave a strong performance but looked a little bit awkward throughout, trotting up and down the stage looking like she wasn’t really sure what she was doing, but it was the first night so I’ll let her off.

It was time for some more adverts, do they ever stop? Next to perform was Storm. I’m not going to beat it round the bush, I am not a Storm fan, and his performance was stupid. He sang “We Built This City On Rock On Roll” by Starship. He was basically looked like he was living out his childhood dream of rocking out, in his leather jacket and stupid red hair with his ridiculously over the top makeup. I wasn’t a fan. After Storm was another group, Belle Amie, the girl band that was made in boot-camp. They were singing B.o.B’s “Airplanes”. It was alright, bit stereotypical with the coloured girl rapping, but hey, never mind. They also looked like they had covered themselves in superglue and walked through Topshop. I liked the song, and I think I like them but I agree with Cheryl when she said “they need time.” Next up was Cher Lloyd, the one everyone’s talking about. I haven’t been a huge fan of her, I don’t think she comes across very well as a person but I’ve got to hand it to her, I really enjoyed her performance of “Just Be Good To Me”, apart from the part where she started rapping. That was cringe. Watching her live on stage really just hit home how much of a little Cheryl Cole she is. Mini-me much? It was all going well until she got cocky and arrogant when Dermot *swoon* asked her how she felt after that performance she replied “I feel wicked, I’ve proved myself now.” Psht, now no one likes a big head now Cher, sshhh. It was time for another ad break (by this point I was pulling my hair out, seriously how many ads do we need?!) after the poxy things the next act to perform was Diva Fever. Yay. I’ll have you know that these two are my “Jedward’s” for this year. Got bad words to say about them? Say it elsewhere because I don’t want to hear it. I love them. I’m such a fag hag. Admittedly their performance of “Sunny” wasn’t great but their dancing around in their pink and green lycra cycling shorts made up for t heir weak voices! What an entertaining pair, lots more of them please. Next up was Paije singing “Killing me softly” he walked out and looked like a fat Fresh Prince of Bel Air but his voice was amaze. Killed all the notes and absolutely rocked the stage, in that dodgy red puffa jacket thing. He was one of my favourites of the night without a doubt.

After the seventh (yes you read that right, SEVENTH) ad break and it was back to Cheryl and the girls and time for Katie ‘Weasel’ to sing. She sang Queen’s “We Are The Champions” once again, just like Cher she had a lot to prove, so probably shouldn’t have come out wearing a weird helmet type thing made out of different colour visors, a weird silver coat jobby and bright pink skinny jeans, but hey each to their own and all that… She sang ok, I mean she has a good voice I just don’t really like the sound of it. I totes agreed with Louis when he said that she’s “more style than substance.” One thing I did like was the colour of her lipstick, bright pink. Nice. Other than that I didn’t really like it at all, she also pretended to play the piano which was a bit lame and I didn’t really see the point in it. Next up was “Tesco Mary” singing “This Is A Man’s World” for Louis and the over’s. She absolutely smashed it. Amazing. I love her. Mary has soul and one hell of a voice. She was actually also really entertaining to watch, with her swaying, hand movements, grabbing of the mic and dramatic faces she liked to pull. Loved it and loved her. She is an utter diva. I smiled the whole time when everyone was cheering for ages for her at the end, and found it extremely cute when she was getting choked up because of it, she really deserved it. What a babe, just a shame about those ear-rings. The unlucky person to have to follow Mary’s amazing performance was another diva, Nicolo for Dannii and the boys. Now I’m a self-confessed Nicolo fan. I loved his weird jumpers, his cocky and arrogant ways and his funny hair. He sang Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” bizarre song choice but I enjoyed it nevertheless. The performance was interesting he was surrounded by girls with pink fans and was wearing red sunglasses, which were debateable! His hair was slicked right down and made it look very greasy, but his singing was alright, he could have definitely done with a better song though. He entertained me though so that’s the main thing. After even MORE adverts it was time for the last of the groups with One Erection Direction. Phwoar. Is it wrong to fancy 16/17 year olds, because I totes do. What major cuteys. I just wanna grabs their cheeks…. Make of this what you will. Ahem, anyway they sang Coldplays “Viva La Vida.” Just like Belle Amie they also looked like they’d walked through Topshop covered in superglue. They sang well apart from the “ooohh” bits, which sounded out of time and a bit out of tune, but to be honest I wasn’t concentrating on the singing… I don’t think many people were! The last of the overs was Wagner who sang “She Bangs She Bangs” mixed with “Love Shack” I don’t really know what to say apart from, his beard, his long hair, the burgundy velvet jacket, the huge big hoop earrings, it was all just one big cringe. I only liked him when he was at judge’s houses and before he sang he rabbited on about how he would remember this “in my dying day with every breath that I take” blah blah blah. Enough of him. The last of boys was my fav Aidan. He is a hottie, but he creeped me the hell out in his performance of “Mad World.” He was wearing a white shirt which looked like a straight jacket and he kept looking right into the camera in an eerie creepy way. It scared me a little bit, but I totes let it slip because he’s amaze, and quite the looker. I can’t wait to see what he does next week. When he was stood next to and chatting to Dermot was my favourite part of the whole show. Two hotties in one camera shot. Ruddy PERFECT. Last to sing was Treyc and her mahoosive arse. Seriously she should have sung “Baby got back”. Anyway other than that she sang superbly and gave a really strong performance, but it was overshadowed (quite literally) by her backside. To end the show Dermot dropped the bombshell that tomorrow night’s result show would see not one, but two *oh my god, falls to the floor in complete shock* acts being eliminated. Gosh the X Factor is good at their twists, aren’t they?! Not predictable at all.*rolls eyes*. And with that, all 16 acts had preformed and the first live show for 2010 was over, all two and a half hours of it. The phone lines were open for us to vote for our favourites, not that I bothered! I was quite upset that it had finished, but luckily I didn’t have to wait long until my next instalment, as it was back on the following night for the results.

Onto Sunday nights show, and dressed in my pjs I slobbed out on the sofa (no need to be either nervous or scared) with Jaz and Kelly munching our way through Magic Stars and drinking banging squash. This was beyond nice. Cue the voice-over man “Tonight it’s a double elimination. It’s time. To face. The music.” Roll the titles once more, and step forward Mr O’Leary (who sadly still wasn’t wearing grey, but still looking as delish as ever). Next it was time for good old Chez to make her appearance, and what an appearance it was. Her dress was L to the USH. It was made out of grey lace and as per she looked amaze. Sadly, the same thing couldn’t be said about Dannii. Her hair was a shambles. I don’t know if you remember those tacky hair pieces you had when you were about 6, the ones that came stuck onto a clip and had glitter pieces running through them? It looked like she had one of those clipped to her hair, not too good. Nice dress and shoes though. Once again, Louis and Simon wore suits… zzz! Like last year all the acts came together to perform a group song. I didn’t really like this part last year, and I didn’t really like it this year either. They were clearly miming “This Is The Rhythm Of The Night” and it wasn’t a great experience. The ending was the biggest cringe ever, all running into the middle, huddled together and smiling down the camera… CRANJ! Katie looked much nicer though, dressed in a white and black dress, it’s a shame Cher didn’t make an effort, in a baseball jacket. We came to the conclusion that they’re trying to make her look fatter and hiding her bones by covering her in baggy clothes. Subtle… NAAAAAAAT!

Now just like the Garlic and Herb dip on my Domino blog, the next performer is going to get his own paragraph. Usher. Oh. My. Oh. My. Ooohhhh. Mmmyyyy. Phwoar. I remember when he was on last year and I fell massively in love with him, don’t get me wrong I’ve always been a fan of his music but after seeing him perform I realised that he is actually something else. He has moves like I have never seen before. The way he thrusts, wiggles and jiggles his legs, shimmies across the floor, twirls and just generally oozes sex appeal… apart from the beard. Shame. He completely owned the stage even though he didn’t much actual singing, it was mainly backing track, but who gives a when he was moving the way he was.

They were spoiling us last night, with two performers; the next was last year’s winner Joe McElderry who was singing his new single “Ambitions.” I wasn’t a huge Joe fan last year, I was more team Olly but he’s alright, kinda cute in that gay-friend kind of way. His song’s ok too, quite a grower and he looked like he was having fun and I think it’s always nice to see “home-grown talent” back on the show so that was good. He was obviously working it hard what with all the fist punches in the air etc as after he’d finished he had a majorly sweaty face, attractive! Dermot gave him one hell of a hug after, I turned green a little bit. Oh what I’d do to be on the receiving end of one of those hugs/other things... anyway I digress...

Down to the acts and in the usual over dramatic X Factor way the lights were dimmed, the audience shut up, Dermot adopted a serious face and the heartbeat music was played as the acts who had received the most amount of votes were called out. The bottom three were Nicolo, Katie and FYD. Dermot announced that out of those the person who received the least amount of votes and who was being sent home immediately was Nicolo. Cue a sadface from me. The other two acts would have to sing it off in a head-to-head and then after the judges would decide who they want to save. FYD chose to sing Rihanna’s “Please Don’t Stop The Music” and were once again quite forgettable and Katie (who was thankfully dressed in a much nicer outfit this evening) sang a song I didn’t know (sorry!) Now although I’m not a fan of hers she did give the better performance. After both acts had sang it was over to the judges to decide their fate. Simon backed his own act and chose to save FYD. Cheryl did the same and chose to save her girl Katie. Predicatable. Dannii also chose to save Katie, so it was down to good old Louis Walsh to have the deciding vote. He could either take it to ‘deadlock’ and chose to save FYD which would then mean the act who received the least votes would be sent home, or he could vote to save Katie and she would be saved. He did the latter, so the try-too-hard blonde Gaga wannabe lives to see another week in the world of X Factor. And after that it was done, off FYD went with sadfaces, boohoo. Oh well, they weren’t that great anyway, I was more upset about Nicolo. Dermot closed the show with the usual “Thanks for watching. God Bless. Take care. Goodnight.” and that was it… until next week. What a weekend it had been, I have loved every minute. X Factor completes me.

So there we go, this is without a doubt the longest blog I have ever written, I doubt many of you will make it to the end! 3,265 words later and I will leave you with a picture of Cheryl eating popcorn after the show on Saturday. Amazeballs. xo

Fat

Yesterday was Tuesday, which can mean only one thing... I had a dirty, rotten, filthy hangover from Kukui which needed curing, prompto. That cure came in the form of Dominos (the pizza brand not the game made out of black bricks with polka dots on them.) And it was only bloody "Two for Tuesday" wasn't it. Result. They are possibly the most beautiful words ever to be spoken. I’d actually quite like to take this opportunity to personally thank Mr Dominos for inventing such a delight, and such a good offer.

Just picture this, there I was (still in pjs with barely a scrap of makeup upon my face), after a full day of feeling utterly rancid and contemplating never partying ever again, off I trotted to the Palace of Love to munch my jolly little way through slices of heaven with Kelly and Jaz. It was a beautiful moment, for all involved (apart from maybe the pizza slices which we happily devoured. Do they have feelings?)

A special mention goes out to the garlic and herd dip, which as Jaz said “needs its own paragraph.” However there’s only so much you can write about a dip really isn’t there. It’s nice. I like to dip margarita into it. It makes your breath stink. That is pretty much everything said.. does this qualify as a paragraph? I ruddy hope so.

So yes this blog has been short, but pretty straight to the point. I am fat. I love Dominos. The end.

Actually before I go, I have a funny story to tell you all from my day. At work an old man ran over his wife in the car park. Obviously this isn't a funny situation, but she luckily wasn't hurt and I (tried to, but failed) quietly chuckled to myself. The best part of the story is that the first thing she said after her dear husband knocked her down was "Where's my beret?!" Absolute. Babe. What an inspiration. God bless her, and him!

Ok that's it. Bye xo

Hello blog.

I’ve become the girl who says “I’m going to write another blog” yet never gets round to it. I don’t like this, hence why I’m here now, writing a blog. I want to be the girl who says “I’ve written a blog, go read it” again. I’m going to fix this. I’ve had several people ask where they (my blogs) have been. Char even asked if I’d (and I quote) “resigned.” This hit me hard. I have not and will not ever resign. Blogging is fun. But to create a good blog you need to have fun things to say. Recently I have lacked these, hence my little disappearing act. But fear not, I will try harder to be more interesting for your sakes! So anyway this blogs for Char, to (and I quote again) “make her life a little more enjoyable!” Such a jot babe. However, slight problem Char and everyone else reading, I’m feeling a little delicate. I am not going to lie to you, these words are not coming easily to me, so I apologise in advance for my shoddy work. However do not blame me, blame Kukui and their lethal Rum punch. (I swear to god that stuff will be the death of me.)

So, what’s new in Emmababes world? Well, umm not an awful lot. Wow I am so interessant. As you can tell from the opening paragraph, I’m still partying. I’m still suffering from rotten hangovers. I’m still being revisited by Ned now and then. I’m still only working part time. I’m still living at home. HOWEVER dun dun dunnnn, a change in my life, I now (well as of October) have to pay “rent”. Or at least that’s the title the rents have given it. It’s actually just them taking and then saving my money for me because I’m incapable of doing so myself. Nice of them, huh? Anyway that leads me on to, yes, you’ve guessed it; I’m still shopping. Quite a bit, but sadly not as much. I really miss my student overdraft. Those were good times. Anyway, I’m still celebrity gossip orientated. I’m still probably one of the first ones out of your friends to know juicy goss. I’m still massively in love with Dermot O’Leary. I’m still obsessed with all things X Factor. I still won’t have a bad word said about Cheryl. I still want to be Holly Willoughby. And I still over use the words “totes” “babe” and “fml”.

A few slight changes in my life are (as if the “rent” wasn’t enough…)
1. I want to go travelling. Yes you did read that right. I, Emma Jamieson, want to go travelling. If ever there were words you’d bet on me not saying (apart from I hate Cheryl Cole, obvs) those would be it. As you all know I’ve always been dead set against travelling, however I think I’d really benefit from it. Now I’m obvs not going to “travel, travel” I mean I’m not going to be picking bananas on my way to be able to buy a tent to sleep in but I want to see the world. Because of my “high maintenance” ways it’s going to cost quite a lot and to be honest I don’t want a full time job so, umm, slight problem.
2. It hasn’t happened yet but I think I’m going for a whole new look in the hair department. Stay tuned…
3. Err, I actually can’t think of a third thing that’s changed, but only writing two points seemed really pointless and very uninteresting. So I’m essentially just writing this to make you think that I had more going on. I don’t. I’m actually very boring. And now you know, so that’s just brilliant isn’t it. Fml!

Subject change. Yesterday was a lovely day. I worked, for 2 hours. So in all fairness that probably doesn’t qualify as “work” but nevertheless that was nice. I then went for lunch. Now, if there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I LOVE to lunch. Lunching is probs one of my favourite activities and especially with the certain lunchee I went with yesterday. The destination was Slug. Standard half price grub on a Monday, would be rude not to. Now, way back when, in the summer of 2008 I don’t think many Monday’s passed without myself and Jaz (the human, not my dog) going to Slug for a cheeky lunch. Afterwards we would nap. It was genuinely the perfect summer. Anyway, we worked out that we hadn’t been in over a year, and quite frankly the very thought of that made me sick. It was time to put it right. And put it right we did. It was an enjoyable experience for all involved. We caught up on the goss, and ate. What more could you want? … Hmm, Dermot O’Leary. Huff.

I’ve been tweeting a lot recently. The twitterbug is well and truely back. There have been several funny things which have occurred on there. One worth mentioning is Megan vs. Twitchange. Now for those of you who don’t use the micro-blogging site (err why? Get involved you weirdos) Twitchange is a charity which got all the famous celebrities on board, and asked us ordinary twitter users to bid so they would “tweet” us. The user who bids the most money gets a tweet from that celebrity. Simples. Now, I have always been an Eva Longoria lover, she’s the best Desperate Housewife in my eyes, however we had a falling out over this Twitchange malark. All she did was tweet and retweet anything anyone said that mentioned Twitchange. This was a lot and clogged up my page. So I did the unspeakable action of unfollowing her. Megan also felt my pain, did the same and we both publically vented. Twitchange saw Megan’s and replied to her in quite a rude manner. So I being the little drama queen that I am, got involved as well. It was hilarious. We were practically being bullied* by a charity. Priceless! I’d also like to mention Mahony’s tweets. These never fail to bring a smile to my face and for this I thank you! I've also been tweeting Dermot, who never replies. I laughed it off at first, but now its genuinely breaking my heart. He replies to silly little girls who tweet every known celeb on Twitter asking for "good luck" because she's starting college. Ohhh perlease, get a grip. I even tried the whole "its my birthday please say hi" and he still didn't reply. Cheers Derm.

FYI last week I wrote a feature on London Fashion Week for dv8 magazine, it’ll be in the new October issue. I think you should all grab a copy and appreciate my work. And for those of you who don’t live near, I’ll try and get a link so you can have a read and appreciate too!

And with that, I big you farewell Blogette’s, I’m off to watch the Inbetweeners. As ever, it’s been fun, well for me anyway. I hope you’ve all had a pleasurable experience and that you’ll fly with me again soon. Good day to you xo

*The term bullying may have been a slight exaggeration, ahem.

I...

Am stunning. Am loyal to those who deserve it. Can be a gobby drunk (either that or I'm overly friendly/passed out.) Am a party-loving creature. Overuse the phrase fml. Am ridiculously amazing at rapping. Should be a rudegirl. And often am when I have vino in my system. Talking of which, I am a vino-head most weekends/Monday/Thursday nights. Unless of course I'm pooping. Can honestly say I am in love with Dermot O'Leary and not be over exaggerating. Also have a major soft spot on Chace Crawford. Can be aswdga but also aswgl! Have it in me to be a right bitch. Often judge people wrongly when I first meet them. Refuse to eat fish and peas at all times. Vom. Would rather die than not be allowed to shop. Have an addiction to spending money like no other. Can make people laugh without intending to. Come out with dumb comments when I genuinely think I'm being clever. Love Cheryl and Victoria as if I know them. Strive on gossip. And know bits on a lot of you. Don't like it when I'm not in control of a situation. Do not like surprises. Can be a complete wind-up merchant. Don't make time for those who don't make time for me. Over analyse things. Talk a lot to anyone and everyone. Make friends easily and have quite a lot. However like most people can count the true ones on my hands. Get grumpy when I don't get my own way. Am spoilt but not overly. Have a tendancy to laugh at inappropriate times, ask Nat. Can be extremely impatient. Hate Judge Judy (it just came on the tv.) Don't take well to being told what to do. Appreciate the small things in life, as well as the big things. Effing love laughing. Want to be successful. Often lack motivation. Miss a few people at the moment. Love X Factor more than I love you. And lastly I. Must. Write. My. Blog. More. Frequently. Fml!

OH. MY. GOD.

21st AUGUST, 8.30pm - THE X FACTOR IS BACK.

Heeeeeeeeeelllllllllooooooooooo Dermy. Ufffft. ♥

I actually cannot wait. FML. This is way exciting isn't it. The Saturday nights in with my babe will be returning, lounging on the sofa wearing our slippers, copying Louis limericks/anything funny he says, laughing at the rubbish ones, crying at the good ones and then after going out and partying. Per-bloody-fect. I obvo had to write this cheeky little blog just because otherwise I would have self-combusted with pure excitement.

10 days and counting.... EEEKKK!!

This should have been written on Sunday evening

Since midnight (Saturday/Sunday) I have...

Partied. Que jumped, thanks to "Pete." Cheers buddy! Sipped on a strawberry daq. Spilt a strawberry daq. Been Naughty. Drunkenly updated my status. Danced. Teapotted. Did the 'Doofy dance.' Missed Nat. Rung Nat. She didn't answer. Left her a voicemail. Drunkenly ranted to Tom. Lost everyone. Made new friends. Realised I actually didn't like them. Ditched them, weirdos. Bumped into someone. Stayed with them when I shouldn't have. Had under 3 hours sleep. Over-slept. Tried to remember the saying to do with not regretting stuff. Thoguht it was a lot of crap. I regret a lot. Got ready in record time. Thrown up at the end of Mark and Luke's road. Looked like a genuwine dog, but still been absolutely stunning. Wanted to cry. Seriously thought FML. Recieved a hug off Scadding and felt better for all of about 10 seconds. Yawned over 65 times (I started counting but got bored.) Been told I didn't look/sound very well. Played up to it and said I had a cold. Poor little old me. Fallen up the stairs. Vommed. Fallen down the stairs. Laughed at Matt in his white hat. Had to write all of this down so I didn't forget it. Saw Dermot on Tv. Screamed. Fallen in love with him even more. Wondered how my life would be different if I was with him. Hated Dee Koppang. Wanted the X-Factor to be back. Missed Tom being on my lunch. Been a little bit sad. Sung along to Take That with Sophie and Matt. Vowed not to drink again for a long long time. (That went out the window last night, fml.) Wondered if I wished really hard I'd magically end up in my bed. Tried it. Failed. Danced and sung along to Chezza. Been laughed at by a customer because he saw me out and came in just to see how hanging I was. Apparently I didn't disappoint. Daydreamed. Looked in the mirror. Regretted it. Saw my burb and had a little catch up. Seen someone missing a finger. Had an old lady tell me how bad her hangover was, and how she was 76. She became my new inspiration in life. Stood in the sun in my own little world and was asked by someone if I was ok. Smiled and nodded instead of going into the gory details of how messy my life has recently become. Had to scan some fish which was covered in blood and still had eyeballs in. Felt my stomach churn. Been sick. Made it through the day (only just.) Had the longest, hottest, bubbly bath I've ever had in my life.  Seen Tom. Swung on a swing. Caused havoc. "Alreeeet mate, have a good night. I said ARE YOU ALREEEEEEET MATE? HAVE A GOOD NIGHT." Eaten a pack of Randoms. Laughed so hard I cried. Forgot I felt like utter poop. Sung along to California Girls and a bit of Jason Derulo. Missed Shelley. Realised we're defo destined for more than Bournemouth. Wanted it to be payday. Thought about wishing really hard again. Then remembered how I had tried it earlier about bed and failed. Tried anyway regardless. Failed again. Gone to bed. Appreciated it. Slept. And probs dreamt about Dermot.

Note: This was taken before I lost them, fml.

I don't love...

Being sad. Davina McCall. The smell of fish. Fish counters. Dead fish with their eyeballs still in that bog me out, FYI I don't eat fish so give that dirty look to someone who does. Fishing. Fish in general (the type under the sea not the Fish family, I love those babes.) When the X Factor isn't on the tv. JP Chenet WITHOUT lemo, vom. Bananas. The number 7. Robert Pattinson. Twilight. Heidi and Spencer from The Hills. Frowning. Missing people. Sales. Working in retail. When you can't sleep. Hiccups that hurt. Rude people. Unstunning people. People who don't know what FML mean. Backstabbers. The Saturdays. Wasps. Bees. Birds tweeting at 6am, eff off. Having a rubbish night out. Not booshing. Not hoisting. Drifting apart from people. Feeling like you don't know your friends anymore. Nandos at Castlepoint. iPhones. Fearne Cotton. Strictly Come Dancing. Coke from a bottle. Feeling sick. People with no fashion sense. When I want something but its sold out, fmaflyc. University. Monday mornings. Not being the center of attention. When I write what I think to be a really stunning status and noone likes it. Thinking about things too much. Hiccups that hurt. Not knowing the words to songs. Boring people. Not having any motivation. Not understanding things. Being poor. Being out of the loop with celebrity gossip. Being one of the last to know something. Hello magazine. The Guardian. The Financial Times. Hardcore news. Valentines Day the film. Flowers. Stitchers. Telling a joke and noone else finding it funny. When things don't go to plan. When you like a song, play it to people who don't approve and then a couple of weeks later they love it. People who are offended by the C word. Fake Uggs. Knees. "Bournemouth girls." Not partying. Having three double wardrobes all full up but still having nothing to wear. Repeating outfits. Going out and seeing someone in the same outfit as you. Tagging on Facebook, its made life so expensive. Wanting to hear from someone but not. Sly little status digs, if its about me, tag me. Stuck up people. Liars. Falling for peoples lies. The snow we get in Bournemouth, pathetic mushy rubbish. Peas. Chocolate ice-cream. Having to pay for petrol. Cyclists. Chavs. People who don't have a sense of humour. Feeling uncomfortable around people. Blueberries. Blackpool, shudder. SATC 2, really disappointing. Feeling disappointed. Bull shitters. Being let-down. Awkward phone calls. Awkward moments. Feeling awkward. Being ill. When my battery dies. When people sack you off for bf/gfs, not hearing from them for however long the relationship lasts and then when it goes kaput they come running back. Wanting things you can't have. Fake people. Katie Price. Dee Koppang. Slimey old men. Old people who moan about the youth of today. Feeling miserable. Feeling lonely. Not doing anything. Head-fucks. Knowing I'm wrong. Admitting I'm wrong. Forgetting things. Losing things. Thinking someone is something they're not.  Looking like a mug. Hayfever. People who don't appreciate things. People with no manners, its not hard to say please or thank you.
And lastly, I defo do not love the fact this blog post looks longer than yesterdays one on stuff that I love. FML. Oh well I'd hate it even more if I was Lindsay Lohan!

I love...

Laughing. Being happy. Dermot O'leary. Pausing the tv on Dermot's face and everyone getting annoyed at me. Topshop on Oxford Street. Topshop in general. Actually, shopping in general. Private jokes. Partying. JP Chenet WITH lemo. "Gold Scchhhlllaaag." Saying FML. Saying FMAL. Saying FYL. Saying FYAL... you get the idea. Pimms. Red grapes. Mango. The number 3. Having secrets. Chace Crawford. Gossip Girl. Desperate Housewives. Smiling. Catching up with friends you haven't spoken to in ages. My friends in general. Nandos, just not the one at Castlepoint! Bbm. Holly Willoughby. The X Factor. Cheryl Cole. Simon Cowell. Louis Walsh. Louis' Limericks. Nat's amazing impressions. Followed by my pathetic attempts. Volvic touch of Strawberry water. Scadding's hugs. Being stunning. My Stunstuns. Over using the word stunning. Over using the word babe. Having butterflies. Kurt Geigers. Katy Perry - California Girls. Rapping along with Tinie Tempah. Doing the Rudegirl dance "Up and out. Guns." Bella. The fact she’s missing two hub-caps but still looks stunning. Blogging. Legally Blonde the musical. Playing music really loud. Understanding jokes so people don't have to explain them to me. Giggling uncontrollably. Being naughty. Jazpups. Fake tan. Mandy's chicken cous-cous salad. Sexy Sunday lunches. Being the first to know gossip. Then telling everyone. Toy Story 1. Toy Story 2. Toy Story 3. Spanish Buzz. Marley and Me. Crying at soppy films. Not crying at soppy films when everyone else in the cinema is. Laughing because I'm obviously a cold-hearted slut. Booshing. Hoisting. Heat magazine. Perez Hilton. Updating my facebook status. Birthdays. M&S' Caterpillar cake. Percy Pigs. Doing the teapot. Hula-hooping. Gaga Sandwiching. High 5 Scuba dive. Britney Spears. Peter Andre. The Sound of Music. Mary Poppins. Anything with Julie Andrews in it. Starbucks. Stun fun. New York. SATC (1 not 2). Dubai. Diamonds. Louis Vuitton. Slobbing in Uggs and a hoody. The smell of petrol. Cute little baby ducks. Holidays. Having a full tank of petrol courtesy of mum and dad. Making snowmen. Feeling comfortable around people. Bang bang shoes. Reminiscing. Strawberries. The sunshine. The Sun newspaper. Celebrity gossip. Taking make-up off after a night out. Single Ladies song and video. Being hilarious. Going out for meals. Drunk texting. Cringing the next morning. Spooning. Lie ins. Long late phone calls. Talking to someone for hours when it only feels like ten minutes. Screaming. Howling along to songs in Bella.  Being excited. Knowing someone so well they know what you're thinking/can finish off your sentences. Working hard and achieving things. Being spoilt. Disgusting pictures, because they hold the funniest memories. Shopping in Liverpool. My Burbs.
And lastly, I absolutely bloody love, just being me (and thanking my lucky stars I'm not Lindsay Lohan!)

Today I have...

...Woken up really early considering I didn't need to. Eaten a bowl of yoghurt Special K. Laughed at the wrongens on Jeremy Kyle. Showered. Moisturised. Walked Jaz in the sunshine wearing sunnies. Laughed at her being scared of a fly. Cleaned the bathroom (Christ). Hung the washing out (Christ x 2). Hoovered (Christ x 3). Updated my facebook status. Text Shelley about 1000 times. Text Tom the same amount. Got excited about the anti-male sesh with the two C's! Aimed to change my attitude. Received a book "Happiness, thoughts and quotations for every day" from my Nan along with a newspaper clipping of a cartoon about handbags, what a Babe. Tried to fool myself into believing you're something you're not. Looked at my phone hoping to see that certain name, far too many times. Realised I need to snap out of it and deleted the number. Watched Loose Women whilst writing a blog. Laughed to myself over my dramatic-ness yesterday at work. Laughed again remembering Saturday night. Realised that I need a kick up the backside. Kicked myself up the backside. Sipped on ice-cold strawberry flavoured water - the obsession is back. Drunk all of the strawberry water. Walked to Waitrose to buy some more. Tanned and toned. Munched on some red grapes. Realised I was going to be on cigs at work tonight and felt a little bit sad. Then remember what beauty I had stuck up inside the cupboard (poster of Dermot). Rang Ashley for a catch up. Sneezed. Wanted to see Toy Story 3. Wanted to go on a massive shopping splurge. Looked at my bank balance and wept silently. Realised life isn't that bad, I mean, I could be Lindsay Lohan. Spoken to Tom on the phone after he had his tattoo. "2nd August 2k10, Stunstun". Listened to Drake, Jason Daaaaarrruuuuullllooooo and Katy Perry on repeat. Said FML way too many times as per. Caught up on Heatworld and watched a vid of Ed Westwick *swoon*. Abused bbm. Counted down the days until Jaz is back. Debated going to Kukui tonight. Been envious of peoples wardrobes. Wanted to be VB's BFF. Felt awkward. Gone to work. Gazed at Dermy ♥. Gossiped - probably about you. Smiled at strangers. Laughed at something that wasn't funny. Judged someone I didn't know. Thought about what it would be like to be a pineapple. Hoped the sun will be out tomorrow. Been naughty. Got excited about Wednesday. Wanted a stiff drink. Had a stiff drink. Been stunning in the pub with Tom and Shelley. Hidden behind a car-sun-protector-flap?! (the bit you pull down when its sunny, that also has a mirror on it for applying lipgloss, handy. I can't remember what its called). Had some Pimms. Hiccupped. Gone back to hating him for being an absolute C. Ranted to Chantelle, who kindly listened and agreed. Started to be sad but then remembered, once again that I am not Lindsay Lohan... and smiled. :)

Goodnight xo xo

Oh wait, P.S. decided against Kukui and settled for an early night...!!

Heartbroken

Today is Sunday. I work Sundays, and today was no different. However today I finished to find a VERY interesting tweet (message from a member of Twitter, for all you non twitterbugs) waiting for me. It read:

AHEM. I BRING YOU GOOD NEWS. @dermsoleary ;)

It was from my good twitterbug friend Louise, who I actually haven't spoken to in quite a while (this needs fixing missy). Anywho, I literally stopped in my tracks (ask Mark and Luke, I was walking home with them, they were witnesses.) DERMOT O'FREAKING LUSH LEARY HAS TWITTER. This was the moment I had been waiting for, for a long time. I updated my facebook status: "OMG DERMOT HAS TWITTER!! It literally feels like all my christmas' have come at once! I wonder if injunctions can be taken out over Twitter stalking.... sure we'll find out!! :)!" And it wasn't long until the 'likes' started rolling in!

So anyway I was extremo excited and tweeted him, obviously declaring my love. I was expecting a reply within minutes obviously telling me that he loved me back and that we should hook up, get married, have beautiful kids and live happily ever after. I was picturing our wedding and how we'd laugh at the reception when he made his speech about how we met over Twitter, a true modern-day love story. And Kayleigh agreed, she was adamant I'd receive a reply asking for my address so he'd come a whisk me away to a love den, where we would stay for quite some time....... However, to my utter horror instead of him replying to me I stumbled across a tweet from Dean Piper (celeb jorno) telling everyone that it was a fake. Dermsolearly wasn't infact Dermot O'leary at all.

FML.

My heart shattered into a million pieces, and the only way to deal with such pain is to drink. So, I hit the bottle. The Pimms bottle to be precise. And now here I am, glass in one hand, typing with the other, writing this blog to tell you of my utter heart ache. It hurts. It really hurts. Roll on August for X Factor, that is like two months away. Big fat sigh. I'm off to drown more of my sorrows and try to mend my broken heart. *wacks on soppy love songs and howls along to them* Woe is ME. Goodbye :(

My summer lovin' day...

"Summer lovin' had me a blast. Summer lovin' happened so faaaast"

...You can keep the love (everyone knows I'm a complete and utter commitment phobe) all I want is the sun and lots of it.... and thank the Lord, someone has been listening to me because the sun has been out in full force today! What a glorious day it's been, quite a scorcher and all... it wasn't just the rays, oh no Mr Sunshine provided lots of lovely heat as well. Talk about result! I'd be super happy if it could stay like this (preferably a few degrees hotter) until like October. That would be absolutely marvellous and do nicely.... pretty please?! And while we're on the topic of things I would like, I'm still after that orange convert mini please, even more so in this divine weather. (Talking of minis, a BIG congrats to Lucy on the arrival of her black convertable baby by the way. I'm literally SO excited to meet him.... lucky biatch! Oh and also Miss Hall, if you're reading this, I would like to be taken out in Ryvita sometime soon, thank you in advance!! ♥)

... Anyway I spent my afternoon in the sun on the beach front, with a friend *waves to Camila* who sure as hell does believe in summer lovin'... (well just love in general as she's getting married.) So today we started wedding planning. I got so into it. I felt a little like I was morphing into Monica from friends when she was organising Phoebe's wedding. Camila is so laid back about it all, which in some ways I admire. I mean the other night I couldn't even get to sleep because I was fretting about all the stuff we had to do! I take my role as a b-maid, EXTREMELY seriously. God help me when it’s my turn to be the bride. Now, I'd like to say I'm feeling better after the progress we made today, but I’d be lying. If I'm honest its stressing me out even more. Who knew there was so much to do for a wedding? Jeez! But we did book an appointment in a dress shop for next week so she can try on dresses. This excites me huge amounts and I'll probably cry or something lame when I see her all dressed up. It's all very grown up and very unlike me. Walking into the shop was hilarious, they were playing this posh instrument (I haven't the foggiest what it was. I was never good at music, unless its rapping. I'm amaze at that, just ask Nat! I'm practically the female Dizzee... aaaaaanyway) the shop was very posh, sophisticated and generally just gave out a very 'adulty' vibe, afterall it is bridal shop, theres not going to be cute pink fluffy toy poodles is there... (a damn shame if you ask me) ...so yeah, I felt way out of place! Never mind, I'll wear some pearls or something 'sophisticaed' when we go back next week! Anyway, whilst flicking through all the Bridal magazines this afternoon and also sipping on Pimms (vital) I came across a super cute wedding dress. It was super short, obviously, and just lush. This got me thinking to my wedding. It's going to be amazing. Like seriously, possibly the best thing you'll ever attend.... until I throw my divorce party that is! I also thought about where I’d have my wedding present list thing… I came up with a small list of shops: Selfridges, Kurt Geiger, Chanel, Tiffanys and Topshop. Oh, I can’t wait!

Anyway I’m going to leave it there today, but before I skidaddle can I just say how nice it is to be back blogging and also how lovely all your kind messages have been saying you’re glad I’m back as well! Thank you my little blogettes ♥ and I’ll see you very soon… who knows, maybe even with a cheeky drunken blog over the weekend, because let’s face it, last time was a ruddy hoot! Stay sexy xxx

New blog, new look... same old crap :)

Hiyaaaaa. *waves* and welcome to my new looking blog. How bloody exciting is this! It looks all different and pretty doesn't it?! Way lush!... And what better way to celebrate my brand new shiny looking blog than by writing one? So I'm going to hop to it....

First things first I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest. But before I do so, if any of you out there reading this feel like you could benefit with someone to talk through your worries/pet hates/dilemmas with I'd fully recommend getting a blog, its way cheaper than getting a therapist. Anyway, back to my favourite topic… ME. Yay! So like I’m totes going to have a little rant. Here are my top 5 pet hates:

1. People eating with their mouth open. Vile. Vile. VILE. Please close your mouth whilst you’re chewing on your dinner. I’d rather not see/hear you slushing you’re food around your gob, as it seriously aggravates me. And even worse than that, are people sucking on ice lollies. AAARRRGGGHHH. It literally infuriates me. It’s disgusting and makes me want to grab the fork/ice lolly/whatever they’re eating at the time from their hands and ram it right down their throats with great force in the hope that they choke, violently. There have been several occasions when I’ve been out for dinner and the people on the table next to us have been eating so loudly I could hear them. I guess I have myself to blame in some respects, because it’s one of those things that when I start thinking about it it’s all I can hear. Coh! Anyway if you ever see me in a restaurant/have dinner with me and I glare at you like I want you dead, its probs because I can hear you eating, or I could just hate you… either or!


2. Pathetic messages in cards. When you receive birthday/christmas cards from someone and they literally write “To Emma (then it’ll be the little printed message that comes inside the card) Love John.” What. The. Hell? It doesn’t take a lot of effort, time or imagination to write a little personal message, and you would have never received a card saying just that from me, so don’t give me one. Oh, and just for future reference, I actually rip up these types of cards so if you do only write your name, please don’t waste your time or mine because it will literally be ripped up as soon as you’re out of sight. :)


3. Annoying drivers. People who insist on driving at 53mph in the FAST lane. Just get out. You ridiculous, ridiculous people. Grrr. Although having said that I do quite like undertaking them and giving them evils from behind my sunglasses. Idiots.


4. Being ignored/subject changers. If I ask you a question it would imply I would quite like an answer. Fair enough if you don’t want to talk about it, just say and I’ll leave it out but don’t be sly and change the subject, that’s lame and just annoys me and I’ll probably just carry on asking until I get an answer.


5. People who think they’re better than they actually are. Fair enough if you’re Victoria Beckham, she has every right to be up her own arse, she is amazing. Seriously though, there are a lot of people who need to realise that they’re actually not as amazing as they think they are. You are not God. Kurt Geiger is. Simples.

And breeeeeathe!! Phew…. I have just one more thing to mention, now although it’s not an actual pet hate and it has only recently come back into my life but I still feel it needs to be mentioned. And it is….. drum roll please *bbrrrrrrrr* those silly pathetic little England flags people have hanging out their cars. Err, NO. I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside when I see any lying in the middle of the road that have clearly broken off. I get an even warmer and fuzzier feeling if I can run it over. Good times :)

My next topic of discussion will be the World Cup (smooth little link there, don’t you think?!) So I watched the game on Saturday and wasn’t overly impressed by the talent. And by talent I’m not talking about their ball-kicking abilities. Oh no. I’m talking hotties, and the lack of. Bloody shame if you ask me, I was very disappointed. Two things cheered me up though, someone (can’t remember who, I wasn’t paying that much attention) was wearing a pair of bright orange football boots. I approved. And secondly David Beckham wearing that grey suit, wit woo. Yes please! I’d like more camera shots of him in the next game, thank you very much.


Yesterday I was woken up by a call from Halifax informing me of ‘suspicious’ transactions, turns out my card had been cloned. 1 – 0. The little rascals have spent everything on there. 2 - 0. Luckily I will get the money back. 2 – 1. And being the shopaholic that I am, there wasn’t much in there. 2 - all! Yay! Haha check me out doing football scores, all this world cup stuffs really rubbing off on me and starting to affect my everyday life. I’ve been handing out red cards and all sorts…


Oh. My. God. I’ve just thought of something else I’d like to rant about. Konnie Huq presenting the Xtra Factor this year? Have a laugh will you. She’s going to be utter poop. I should have been given the gig, jesus. I don’t even want to watch it this year; that is how much this decision has disgusted me. Having said that, I’ll tune in to watch the part where she talks to Derm though, obviously! Talking of whom, he totally updated his facebook picture earlier this week. Much appreciated, thanks Derm! Keep them coming.


Anywhoooo must dash I can hear a cheeky glass of Pimms calling my name. I shall leave you with two things. One, this little saying “Facebook are the people you went to school with. Twitter are the people you wish you went to school with” and Two, with the exciting news that I am currently in the middle of a mission to transform myself from ASWDGA to ASWGL. Work it out…


Au Reviour xo xo

OH HELLO CHEEKY BLOG ;)

Wow-wow-wee-waa. A lot has gone down since the last blog. When was it… Tuesday 30th March. Cor frigging blimey that’s a long effing time to go without blogging. And let me tell you this my dearly loved and missed blogettes it feels good to be back and I promise to not leave it this long again. Basically since the last blog I turned into a geek, shoved my head into books and hated life whilst writing a dissertation, then I turned into a raving alcoholic for my 21st and then I just kinda got really busy with things that were out of my control and now I’m here getting my blogging life back on track and trying to steer myself away from certain situations. Fabulous! Gosh it feels way weird writing this, there is so much to say, I’m not sure I’ll remember all of it/I can’t be bothered! But I’ll cover the major bits and get back into my blogging swing, kaping!

So first things first I’m now exactly 21, one month and one week old. Splendid. I don’t remember a lot of my birthday, I was extremo merry, see the picture above for proof... (as if any was actually needed though, jeez!!) Good times all round. Now not only am I the ripe old age of 21 but I have also pretty much finished university. FML. Last hand in is on Monday (note to self: crack on with that Em) Anyway where have the last 3 years gone? Christ, so scary. So here is the dealio, I’ve got to like enter the real world. You know, full time working, 9-5 crap, paying bills/rent, growing up a bit, not sleeping in and watching This Morning. BUGGER. I am not looking forward to this at all. Now although I have absolutely HATED my course, I def do not want to be a news journalist (I’m all about celebs and gossip me, as you all know full well) I’m going to miss my student lifestyle something crazy. On the topic of being a student, I officially no longer have a student overdraft and I plan to keep it this way. Halifax are cheeky little things, they bribe you into getting one (it didn’t take much to bribe me) and off I went shopping in West Quay when I should have been at uni and voila before you know it I’m two grand in debt. Oh. It’s also terribly hard to get out of, however lucky that’s been sorted kindly by a certain someone… Jazpups. What a babe. Anyway so yeah no more student overdraft spenditures for me. Sad effing face.

Another major occurance since my last blog would be the election. Now as you know I despise politics, but it was way juicy wasn’t it. Now I don’t want to give the impression I knew what was going on, because to be fair I hadn’t the foggiest, but we totes had a ‘hung’ parliament, which in my eyes can only mean good things. Anyway enough of that codswollop, I’m bored already….

BGT. Britains. Got. Talent. Ohhhh Mannnnnn. Literally love that show. I loved Twist and Pulse they were lush, and I’m going to teach Jazpups how to dance so we can win next year. Talk about a plan Batman. Another thing is I have fallen in love with Simon Cowell. I’m not overly crazy on the hairy chest, but the way he winks, oh it gets me every time! Also how bloody brilliant was it when Louis Walsh made a cameo as a judge. Myself and Nat literally looked at each other and screamed with pure love. The man is a God. The End.

Anyway another juicy little snippet from my life in the past couple of months is Desperate Housewives (and Gossip Girl, kind of)….. Ha I am literally the coolest person on this planet. But seriously OH MY ACTUAL GOD MY MOUTH CANNOT BE CLOSED. What on earth? The Desp Housies storylines are insane it is without a doubt my favourite programme and I can’t wait for you all to watch it because FML its SOOOOOOOO good. Woah. I think it’ll be aired sometime in the next few weeks on tv, but for all you bad ass’s out there like me, hook yourself up with it online. Yeah.

SATC2. After a couple years wait it’s finally here, and I’m disappointed. FML. I felt let down having sat through the two hours of it, yes there were funny parts and yes it is Sex and the City so I’m not going to sit here and fully slag it off, but seriously for all those who have seen it, what actually really happened? They went on holiday? Oh right excellent, that’s really movie-making stuff isn’t it. Errr, NO. Big massive huff. I was expecting more and they didn’t deliver therefore I had a sad face. However saying that I plan to go and see it again in the hope I will change my mind. Also Toy Story 3 is out soon, I swear to god if that film lets me down as much as SATC2 did I think I may lose the will to live. Bring on Buzz and the gang.

Hmm what else? Dermot O’Leary is opening a fish restaurant in Poole. I actually can’t think of two things I despise more than fish (vom) and Poole (major vom) but if Dermot’s involved then I sure as hell am going to be as well. I just need to find out the address and I’ll be there day and night waiting for him, then he’ll obviously realise that Dee needs to Koppang off and we’ll live happily ever after. Aww.

I’m also slowly worming my way back into Twitter, I vanished from there too. This is like totally off topic but I went to the doctors today, I thought I’d broken my fingers, turns out I hadn’t. Anyway that’s beside the point, I‘d just like to publically express my hatred for doctors waiting rooms. Oh they are just vile. The horrendously out-of-date magazines, the constant coughing and spluttering from other patients, the stupid waiting around (an hour and 10 minutes today, FML) and the babies crying. I detest the whole experience I really do. Another thing I hate is spiders. They need to get out of my life completely. Horrible, horrible creatures. Oh and peas, I don’t like peas either. Vom.

Anyhow enough of my rant, crickey!! I clearly needed this blog to vent and I actually feel a lot better now, phewf!! So I’m going to leave you with a little thought: “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”… It’s had me puzzled for days! Anyway until next time folks! (which will hopefully be within the next week…) Take care, and for God’s sake, keep sexy! xo xo

P.S. I’d very much like a cheeky bbq on the beach with Pimms, come back out Mr. Sunshine.

P.S.S. I’m also secretly (although it’s not so secret now) quite excited about the World Cup. C’MON ENGLAND WOO WOOOO. Just a terrible shame DB isn’t playing. Huff. Oh well, suppose we’ve still got Rooney to dribble (no pun intended ;) … ) over…. err OR NOT!

P.S.S.S. I have a lot of love and time for wine, I’m going to get me some now to celebrate this blog. Amen to that Sisters. Over and OUT. Xxxx

Wallowing.

"I'M SOOOO FRIGGING PISSED" Yes that is a line from White Chicks, but it also pretty much sums up my mood after writing out a WHOLE blog and then losing it all. Good one Em. Sheesh. Now I'm going to have to try and remember what I wrote... sigh. I started with saying how it had been a whole week since I last blogged. Whoops. I told you my CBA was bad!! But after several texts/bbms/facebook messages asking what the hell I was playing at I decided it was time to pop by and fill you all in. So hello blogettes, I have missed you all tremendous amounts and hope you are all well!

Today I have spent the WHOLE day wallowing in my own self pity. How very self indulgent of me. I thought it would make me feel better. It didn't. It made me feel a bit pathetic to be honest. So as of tomorrow I'm totes over it ALL. Whatevs. Being sad is way over-rated I don't know how these Emo's of Goth's do it constantly, it's effing tiresome I'm telling ya. The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that Tuesday = HEATDAY. Thank the Lord for Heat magazine. I don't know if you've seen their new advert but they have a new slogan "Heat makes life worth living." I'm no even exaggerating when I'm saying that that is actually how I felt today! Drama bbz!

Right seeing as it has been a week since I was last here I figured I'd just do a round-up of what has been going down. Don't expect much....

* I saw Jaz this weekend. It was delicious. I love her. I love the fact she bribed me with a "banging glass of squash because you don't drink tea." I am happy to report that it was indeed banging. I love the fact we didn't move for over 2 hours just talking about everything. I love the fact we were both looking delicious. I love the fact that we have our own way of speaking. FMLC. Yeah Lauren Conrad. And the fact I love most is that come Thursday we shall be bringing back the time of Summer 08 and how life should be.
* A couple came into work wearing matching Superdry hoodys. I wanted to say something, but instead I just laughed to myself. I also wanted to vom all over them but I refrained from doing that also. I mean seriously, it was horrendous, and there is absolutely NO need for that kind of crap. You are not Victoria and David Beckham darlings, and even if you were, matching outfits were so 2001. Jesus.
* Apparently losing one hour of sleep affects me in a bigger way than I imagined possible. It was hideous. I really missed that hour.
* I want to party, but it's a Tuesday, and Tuesdays are shit.
* Talking of partying I want to party with Louie Spence so much that it actually makes me heart ache.
* My neck feels crooked. This isn't babeish. Massage please.
* Nat left for NY today. I am extremo jealous and told her that if she didn't bring me back Chace Crawford I would not be impressed and our 'babeship' (friendship between babes, dur) would be over. She has been warned!! :)
* I should totes be writing my dissertation right now, but you know you gotta get your priorities right haven't you. And this, along with shopping clearly comes first.
* Ahh shopping. Yes I got paid. I got my bonus. It was a good day. I enjoyed spending it... all. Whoops? Pah, as if anyone actually thought I'd be able to save it anyways. After all this is me we're talking about!!
* I received some 'Reversy Percy Pigs' but I feel too sick to eat them. This is upsetting.
* I can't believe how light it is, it is crazy, don't get me wrong I love it because it means summer is well and truly on the way but I'm so over all this chirping from the birds at stupid o'clock in the morning. Can't they just shut up? The only bird I'll happily allow to tweet is the one on Mary Poppins when she's singing 'Spoonful of Sugar' (Mahony will probably be the only one who finds this interesting! Hi Babe!)
* Talking of Miss Hannah Mahony, I'd like to thank her for serenading me with 'Favourite things' the other day when I had a sadface. It quickly changed into a happyface after her tweets!
* My Birthday is slowing creeping up on me. I still have no clue what I want to do for it. So that's just lovely.
* I cannot believe I am about to type this but I like Diana Vickers song. Someone shoot me. I effing hate her. I hate her face. Her hair. Her voice. And her stupid freaking claw. But her song is ruddy catchy. Disgraceful *Sorry Chels*
* Having watched Super Nanny I came to the conclusion that Jo frost is a majorly underrated babe. I think it's got something to do with the way she says "thas unasseptable" Ha!
* I have outed myself as a Chezbian, and I couldn't be happier. (Cheryl lover. Dur.)
* On a recent night out I had to play a game of 'Dodgeball' and tried to avoid certain people I did not want to see. However it would appear that I am the most unsly drunk ever invented and so this was a massive fail. Which made for an interesting end to the night! Lovely!
* I love the advert that goes "Du Pain. Du Vin. Du Boirsin...Du Tracteur. FIN." HIGHlarious.
* I went to watch 'The Bounty Hunter' which has Gerard Butler in it. I found it difficult to keep my legs mouth shut. He is the one.
* Having watched Glee last night I can honestly say that it was up there with the greatest moments of my life (Victoria Beckham and Britney waving to me and receiving my Louis Vuitton bag etc...) I actually LOVE it, just not as much a Vinton-face obvs. If ever there was an 'Ultimate Gleek' it would be her.
* I remembered how back at school we would all swing on our chairs. What was it about the chairs at school that meant you spent all day swinging on them? Teachers hated that shit. You don't see people swinging on chairs anymore. Why is this? Puzzled.
* Another thing which I thought of was what the hell did we do before leggings? I mean seriously EVERYONE wears them, how did we cope before. I can't remember how it came up in conversation with Nat, but it did, we pondered over it for a while without coming up with any explanation, we probably got distracted by something shiny.
* A highlight of my week would be going to Starbucks with Tash. God it was good. I had missed those times. We made a pact to cram in as many more 'Bucks dates' before we leave uni within the next month... oh right thats a lovely thought, excuse me while I go and vom...
* Oh and Rochelle from the Saturday's is a bitch. And no it's not because shes fucking Marvin... *rolls eyes*

...And on that note I don't think I want to write anymore!!  I think I remembered everything, and if not it can't have been that good anyway! I'm going to love and leave you all with a quote from Samantha Jones (SATC Biatches): "I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party... I just believe in parties!" ... Amen to that one sister.

Roll on Thursday and the bank holiday weekend. Awooooga!! Have a lovely evening my little baby Easter chickens. xo xo