A life without Internet.

I like online shopping. I like gossip websites. I like twitter. I like blogging. I like watching TV shows online before they are aired in the UK. I like YouTube. Basically I like the internet, a lot. So imagine my absolute despair when a few weeks ago I rushed home from work excited to watch the new Gossip Girl episode online only to be greeted with the news that my Internet was broken.

I spent over two hours rebooting, unplugging, reconnecting, configuring and sobbing to myself before it sunk in that I was Internet-less. I felt like I’d lost my left arm. I sat there in silence, by myself, staring at my laptop hoping that if I stared at it for long enough it would miraculously connect. It didn’t, so I rang Sky. I was greeted by a friendly voice. This wound me up even more. I restrained myself from growling at the poor unsuspecting girl on the other end of the phone. After doing all the boring confirming who you are gobbledegook I told her my issue. The conversation went a little bit like this:

“Basically I can’t watch Gossip Girl because my Internet has broken and now I want to cry.” “It’s on itv2 tonight?” “I’ve already seen that one. I NEED to see the latest one from America.” “Wow. What website do you use?... Oops I mean sorry Miss Jamieson. Let’s try and fix this for you.”

After this exchange the anger in my voice subsided and I warmed to my new “friend” Helen. She asked if I’d rebooted and unplugged the box. Of course I bloomin’ had. She then told me to go and get a screw-driver… Errrrm yeah ok then, let me just grab my tool box? WTF, as if I’d have a screw driver that’s something my dad has, not me! Alas seeing as I no longer live at home I subsequently don’t own a screw driver so I had to improvise and used a nail file. BOOM. I opened up the little box and tried the wire in another hole. Still nothing. After all my efforts there was no reward. Helen then told me that she’d send an engineer out, any week day either between 8am-1pm or 1pm-6pm. And this is where we hit another brick wall. I live with one other person, her name is Kayleigh and she’s lovely. However Kayleigh and I both work full time. No one else is in the flat apart from a hamster named Winston (who wouldn’t be able to open the door to host the engineer.) Also I was heading back home for a week for my birthday and then the week after Kayleigh was on holiday. I asked whether engineers could come at the weekends. “No” was the blunt response. Helen and I were about to fall out… and we were getting on so well! So anyway, I had to book an engineer in for 2 weeks time. How convenient. Not. I hung up and found myself absolute seething inside. I was furious. How was I meant to live without the Internet? I had a good 5 days left in the flat before heading home. To make my story even more tragic there were no “open” connections that I could connect to. None. Nada. Zilch. It was like a kick in the teeth. Long gone are the days when you slyly connected to your next door neighbours without them knowing, that ain’t happening anymore.

Now of course I’m obviously over exaggerating a little bit because I wasn’t totally Internet less as I had the use of my phone, so my twitter and facebook use was carried out as normal. It was more the fact that I couldn’t watch Gossip Girl and people were tweeting about how good it was that was winding me up. Thankfully I have friends with the Internet so I basically invited myself round to watch it. Having watched it I felt a lot better and more positive about life. But it really got me to thinking about what we did 10 or so years ago when we didn’t have the Internet?

The Internet is an everyday part of life for most people now. As of 2011, more than 2.2 billion people (which is nearly a third of Earth’s population) use services provided by the Internet. Even my Grandma uses it to email her grandchildren, google-ing art exhibitions and she once YouTubed ‘dancing dogs’ (with my help obviously!) When you think about how much you use the Internet it’s kind of scary. How often do you check twitter? Update your facebook status? Browse shops online? Read online articles from newspapers? Email someone? Watch catch-up TV on your iPad? Do online banking? I remember the days when broadband wasn’t invented and we used dial-up. Hearing that funny buzzing noise followed by a few beeps and a dialling tone which meant it was connecting to the internet and that people could no longer call your home phone. Hilarious! But before that I also remember a time when I didn’t use the internet at all. My young childhood was internet-free (to my knowledge), where as kids these days have iPads and facebook accounts. Crazy!

The rise in Internet use mainly occurred around the mid-1990s, when the Internet had a drastic impact on culture and communication, especially with the use and increase of emailing. It’s very easy to see that that the Internet has made communication so much quicker and easier, which is brilliant. It’s also made everything so much more accessible for everyone. Being a Uni graduate I honestly don’t think I would have been able to achieve my degree without the Internet, which I’m sure is a point fellow students and ex students will back me up on. The Internet, for a student, is an absolute god-send!

But even now I’m not a student I find the services that the Internet offers invaluable. I for one use it every day, without fail and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The Internet is one of my best friends: it’s a source of knowledge, a place for breaking news, also a place for making friends and exchanging gossip. In my eyes a life without Internet isn’t even worth contemplating (which I’m sure you’ll agree with because without the Internet you wouldn’t have been able to just read this fabulous blog. See - point proven!)

Long live the Internet and God forbid any more connection problems. *touches wood*

Britney Spears: The X Factor Judge!

Last night felt like Christmas. The announcement I had been waiting for was finally confirmed. Britney Spears is going to be a judge on USA X Factor. Now, although rumours have been floating around for a couple of months and in the last few weeks it seemed more and more likely, to finally hear and see it be confirmed was incredible. (In fact the last time I was this excited over an X Factor Judge was when Cheryl left us to join the USA version. Fingers crossed Brit doesn’t go the same way she did…)

Yesterday was a long day. I was up early (5am) and was flagging by 5pm after watching the final Desperate Housewives episode (read my previous blog for more on that) so I made the executive decision to take a nap. Although I slept very easily (I was shattered) I was eager to wake up to hear more news about Britney. It had been confirmed that she was in New York, which is where the Fox Upfronts would be taking place. It seemed more and more likely that she was going to be a judge and I for one was absolutely loving it but was refusing to get too excited before I had confirmation from either Britney or Simon.

Around 9pm was when it started to kick off, pictures started emerging of Britney arriving at the venue and then BOOM she tweeted the confirmation all of us Britney fans had so desperately been waiting for:

“#britneyxfactor #SimonBritneyDemiLA http://bit.ly/KHfQIc”

Twitter went crazy. I was in fan girl heaven. Britney is an X Factor judge, how bloomin’ brilliant is that. A weekly dose of Britney – I couldn’t ask for much more!

A few minutes later and Simon Cowell also tweeted:

“Can't believe it's finally happened. Very exciting! @thexfactorusa #xfactor #SimonBritneyDemiLa http://say.ly/Mru3jfc”

This was it. I was tweeting in over-drive and many made jokes about how I would end up in twitter jail again before long. However strangely enough that never happened! After the confirmation came an influx of pictures and boy did Britney look good. Her hair looked sleek, her tan was glowing and her body looked toned. It would be VERY hard for anyone to try and argue that she’s not back to her best.

Having looked at the worldwide trends I was highly amused to find that #BritneyXFactor was trending whereas #SimonBritneyDemiLa wasn’t. That spoke volumes. Britney is and will be the main selling point of USA X Factor this year. I just pray she lives up to all the hype. I think the first few auditions we may witness a lot of “That was awesome” “I loved it” but I’m more than certain that she’ll soon find her feet and be the judge everyone loves.

Speaking about her new role Britney said: "I couldn't be more excited to join The X Factor judging panel. I'm a huge fan of the show and now I get to be a part of the action. Simon and LA better watch out!"

As well as Britney joining, the other new judge was announced to be Demi Lovato. They will both replace Nicole Scherzinger and Paula Abdul who confirmed at the end of the last year that they will not be taking part in the new Stateside series of The X Factor. However Simon Cowell and LA Reid will continue in their roles as judges on the popular show.

Simon Cowell also spoke about why he'd chosen the singing pair, adding: "I'm absolutely delighted Britney and Demi are joining us. Britney remains one of the biggest stars in the world, she's talented, fascinating - and I believe she knows exactly how to spot The X Factor."

At the beginning of his introduction of the new judges at the Upfronts Simon summed it up perfectly by saying “Well, we delivered! Rumours are one thing, delivering is something else.” And YES Simon you most certainly did deliver, and for which I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Roll on September and long may she reign.

Oh and as for Demi Lovato: I liked her dress. 

Now, errrm how do I go about auditioning….?!

Farewell Desperate Housewives

It is no secret that I absolutely adore American TV shows. It would also be fair to say that I watch too many (see: Gossip Girl, 90210, New Girl, Glee, 2 Broke Girls and Pretty Little Liars.) However the one I’ve been watching for the longest is ABC’s Desperate Housewives, which also has and always will be my ultimate favourite.  So imagine my absolute distress when in August last year I heard that Season 8 would be its last. I was beyond devastated. I contemplated finding a replacement but then realised that no other show would compare and I’d be wasting my time trying to do so, alas I would have to start to prepare myself for a life without Wisteria Lane. I had several months to do so, but failed miserably.

The final installment from Fairview was in America on the evening of 13^th May. I watched it after I finished work at 2pm on the 14^th. I wasn’t prepared and subsequently was an emotional wreck. Fairview has become somewhat of a second home for me. I feel as if I know the Lane like the back of my hand, I know the neighbours, the local stores and the surrounding woodland (!) so to have to say goodbye was a painful yet enjoyable experience at the same time. As ever I laughed, gasped and sobbed my way through the final double episode, like I do any normal episode! However it was hands down easily the most emotional 83 minutes of television I’ve ever watched. The whole episode was unsurprisingly full of twists and turns (although some were sadly kind of predictable), there were plenty of hysterical one-liners from Gaby, tender heart-warming moments shared between Karen and Roy, a massive bitch-fit thrown by Renee, dramatic scenes in the court room courtesy of Bree and Ben and throughout it all the importance of loyal friendships was displayed. It also thankfully tied up a few loose ends that I desperately needed answers to before they left me for good. Ironically considering the name the show concluded it’s rocky, racy and grisly eight-season run with a neat and tidy, affectionate and anything but “desperate” send-off.

I won’t ruin it for those who haven’t yet seen it yet but I am going to briefly mention the very very end in which they look to the future and say that the four ladies don’t keep in contact. WTF? Are you serious? That’s single handidly the most ridiclous storyline I’ve ever seen (totally beats fake tanning the baby on Footballers Wives.) Those four ladies went through everything together; they even said so in the final episode. From marriages to divorces, births to deaths, careers to unemployment, alcoholism to cancer: they helped and shared everything with each other so to end it with them growing apart angered me to say the least! Another point that annoyed me was the fact that they showed glimpses into the future of Bree, Gaby and Lynette’s lives in which they no longer seemed “desperate” having all found personal and professional success, however we didn’t get to see what happened to Susan. The last we saw of Mrs Delfino was her having just finished packing up her home and waving goodbye to the famous Street, as the ghosts of Wisteria Lane’s past looked on. As she handed over the keys to the new house owner Susan tells her a secret that we the viewers have known since the very first episode “This Street is a lot of things, boring is not one of them.”  Indeed Susan: boring it never has been, hence why I never missed an episode.

All that’s left to say is thanks for the laughs, the tears, the mysteries, the drama, the poker nights and all of the lessons you’ve taught me over the last 8 years. Marc Cherry I salute you and Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, Eva Longoria and Felicity Hoffman I adore you. (Oh, how I wish you were actually friends in real life!)

In keeping with the show I’m going to leave the last words to Mary-Alice…. 

"Even the most desperate life is oh… so wonderful."

Cheryl - Call My Name

It’s a well known fact that I love Cheryl Cole. I love her music, her style, her hair, her personality: everything. In fact I love her so much that a friend once slagged her off (on facebook) about an outfit she wore on The X Factor (the gold cage dress) and I was so outraged I deleted the biatch and haven’t spoken to her since. True story. Anyway, I digress, basically Cheryl is my British version of Britney, and we all know how much I heart Brit…! So imagine my absolute delight when it was announced that Cheryl had a new song coming out: Call My Name. I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise to hear that I obviously loved the Calvin Harris-produced track after my first listen and immediately made it my ringtone, text message tone and alarm - you can never have too much Cheryl. Before the song (which will be the first released from her third studio album A Million Lights, due out June 18^th) was released there were loads of pictures of her upcoming video for it doing the rounds across magazines, newspapers, twitter and other websites. She (quite obviously) looked amazing, as ever. I was in fan girl heaven.

After the initial excitement of hearing Call My Name had dwindled (only ever so slightly though!) I was craving the video like David Walliams craves Simon. And would you believe it, Cheryl only went and released it the day before my birthday didn’t she! Yet another reason to love her and I was transported back to my fan girl heaven.

I knew just 5 seconds in to the video that we were onto a gooden as there was a close up of her shoes. They were orange - WINNER. Cheryl then proceeded to walk through a tunnel (your guess is as good as mine) swoosh her hair around a bit, have “The only way to a woman’s heart is along the path of torment. Marquis De Sade” come up as subtitles (again I’m not entirely sure) and then continued to walk through some puddle and take off her jacket to toss aside, whilst heading towards a group of guys who were all strategically leaning against cars ready to dance. How convenient. Oh by the way, all of that happens whilst there were a few close up bum shots thrown in for good measure/to also show off her new tattoo (more on that later.) Nearly a minute in and the beat starts, the song kicks in and the dance routines begin. The dance routines pretty much last the entire video. There are, of course as I’ve already mentioned, the odd slow mo bum shot/wriggle against a wall/sultry pose/hair swoosh thrown in to break them up.

A few things that I noticed whilst watching/analysing the 4 minutes and 29 second long video are as follows:

1.       Cheryl has absolutely lovely shoulders.

2.       She’s clearly been working flat out as she has some serious guns.

3.       What’s with the beauty spot? Is she doing a Kelly Rowland on us?

4.       The first time I watched it I actually thought Eva Longoria made a cameo as there are certain shots in which Cheryl totally resembles her!

5.       If you took away the music there were also several moments captured that could be used for her L’Oreal campaign.

Now although I firmly believe that Cheryl can do no wrong her new tattoo gets a massive thumbs down from me (absolutely vile) as do the weird MC Hammer pants that she prances around in. There is also no storyline to follow throughout the video, which I didn’t really enjoy. However having just watched “Shooting Cheryl” (not literally, just the video) she said that she had a lot of input and knew that she wanted a lot of dancing (as it’s a dance track) with an 80’s vibe. She wanted it to be like Fresh Prince of Bell Air, which would explain the clothing at least! Now although I’ll happily admit that it is by no means the best video I’ve ever seen, it is one of Cheryl’s, and to be honest she could sit in a dark room and not move for the entire 4 and a half minutes and I’d still think it was incredible, so err, bite me. Biased? Me? Coh, never!

I’d like to end this blog by saying how bloomin’ lovely it is to have Cheryl back in my life, long may she reign. Oh and also if anyone knows where she got her colourful blazer from please do tell me as I need that in my life, stat.

Oh and FYI Call My Name has now been listened to on my iTunes 108 times (I had it on repeat for about a week, standard) and I’ve probably watched the video well over 30 times. Talking of which, I think it’s about time I watched it again. Over and out xo

(Actually before I go, I realise that this blog is very slow off the mark for me; however I’ve been without internet, which will be the topic of my next blog. Prepare yourselves! Now I’m seriously going, bye!)