David Beckham’s Team GB Omission

Yo. What’s going on? Today (Thursday) is my day off (the price for which I have to pay is working on Saturday) anyway back to today and I was so desperately looking forward to a lie in after two 7 o’clock starts in a row. However the delightful people who live in the flat above me had other plans. They started drilling at 7am. YES you read that right, DRILLING AT 7 A-FREAKING-M. By 9 o’clock I was close to venturing to B&Q, purchasing a drill myself and drilling through the ceiling and hopefully straight through their bare-feet. I was angry. Thankfully (for them, as well as me) I have friends who have quiet houses so I went round one of them to watch the remainder of Jeremy Kyle in peace. My morning improved; I had a delicious bowl of Almond flavoured Special K and I saw my tweet featured on This Morning. Things were looking up. That was until I heard the disappointing, shocking and down-right outrageous news that David Beckham hasn’t made the Great Britain Olympic football team.

At first I thought it was some sort of joke. I mean c’mon he’s David Beckham: a God of EVERYTHING, especially football, so he was obviously bound to make the team. He has 115 England caps, captained our national team and is seen as one of our country’s greatest ever players. How could it be true? Well sadly it is, and I for one ain’t happy. David Beckham is a talent on and off the pitch *winkwinknudgenudge* which makes you, Stuart Pearce, an absolute muppet in my (and the majority of the female populations) eyes.

On hearing the news my first thought was utter devastation. David Beckham playing in the GB football team was my one “REALISTIC” chance of meeting Victoria. She’d obviously be there to support her husband, being the doting wife that she is, whilst I was also hoping to be present which would mean that our paths would have inevitably crossed and we would have obviously struck up a never-ending friendship. She’d invite me to LA, I’d meet Simon Cowell, he’d ask me to present USA X Factor, which would then mean I’d meet Britney because she’s a judge, I’d get an apparentment in New York, shop along 5^th Avenue whenever I fancied, meet Chace Crawford, get married and basically just live happily-ever-freaking-after. However that isn’t going to happen now, IS IT STUART PEARCE? Thanks to you and your decision making my life is now completely ruined and I’m going to have to come up with a whole new plan. Thanks a bunch.  After coming to terms with the fact that the life I had so carefully planned out in my head was ruined I then felt angry but more importantly disappointed for David…

Pearce (the Manager of the GB Olympic football team) had originally shortlisted DB in his 35 man squad, to then cut him out at the final hurdle, not making the final 18-man team. Now, to my knowledge David isn’t injured and considering all that he has done to secure London getting the Olympic bid it seems like an absurd decision to come to. He played a key part in us winning the bid for the Games in Singapore in 2005, and basically hasn’t shut up about how excited he is over it all ever since. He also often speaks out about his desire to play for his country again. More recently he flew in from LA, last month to be exact, to light the Olympic torch. He was the only one at the event anyone was interested in. (This was also when he debuted his dodgy beard, which by the way, I’ve suprisingly come to like. What can I say? The man can do no wrong in my eyes!)

David himself said that he’s “very disappointed” but also added that “there will be no bigger supporter of the team than me. And like everyone, I will be hoping they can win the gold.”  Diplomatic and gracious until the very end, what a hero. Here’s hoping Micah Richards, Ryan Giggs and Craig Bellamy: the three over 23 year old players that Stuart has chosen to play in the team, perform well. The rest of the squad will be announced soon, if anyone is still interested... zzzz

Although people are saying Beckham will still be involved in the games I’ve taken it upon myself to try and compensate for Stuart Pearce’s mistake, by illustrating this blog with some delicious pictures, especially as now we won’t be treated to any hot-topless-Beckham action on the pitch this Summer... Booo.

Also having written this blog I’ve realised the irony after my last post involved moaning about how I hang around with people who talk about football too much. Meh you know what they say “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em…”

Thoughts of the day

Hello. Today whilst I was casually minding my own business at work (walking around in a day-dream counting down the hours until home-time) I was approached and asked what it was like in “my world”. This isn’t the first time I’ve been asked this, and several people have often commented on how they’d love to see inside my brain. Although Science is very advanced these days, I’m pretty certain we can’t swap brains for a day so I thought I’d write a blog about the kind of things I thought about yesterday. I’m going to write this in chronological order starting from waking up to going to bed. Enjoy…

5.30am? This is not an acceptable time to be waking up.

I can’t be bothered to move, maybe I should phone in sick.

Must. Not. Forget. Sunglasses. (Even if it’s raining)

Shall I have breakfast or have an extra five minutes in bed? Stupid question. Bed, obviously.

What colour lipgloss shall I wear and how shall I do my hair?

I bet Victoria Beckham doesn’t have to wake up this early.

I wish I was Victoria Beckham.

Actually no, I wish I was Victoria Beckham’s best friend.

OMG Victoria Beckham will be in London later. We're obviously going to bump into each other. I better take my Hermes as a conversation-starter.

ARGH BLASTED HAYFEVER. I have tears running down my cheeks. How horrific.

Oh pants I’m going to be late. Walk quicker.

I frickin' love my job.

I feel really happy about my life.

How much longer have I got left of this shift?

Why am I not Rihanna?

I want a puppy.

I wish I was back in bed.

What’s for dinner?

I miss living at home and having dinner cooked for me.

Oh it’s alright; I’m going out for dinner tonight.

And I’m not paying. BONUS!

I’ve got to work for 8 hours. I’ve been here 40 minutes so I’m 1/12^th of a way through my day. Brilliant.

Cocktails would make the time pass quicker.

Where’s the nearest bar?

Do I have any split ends? Let’s pick em.

Damn I wish Julie Andrews was my Nan.

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe.

SAY MY NAME BABY. WOAH-UH-UH-UH-UH-OH-OH

I should probably stop dancing around. Management are looking at me weird. Meh!

I wonder what Rihanna is doing.

I need a holiday.

I miss Jazpups.

I wish I was dating Ryan Gosling.

Or Dermot O’Leary.

Or Ryan Reynolds.

Or Cristiano Ronaldo.

Or Chace Crawford.

Or Rihanna.

Or all of the above.

Is it lunch time yet?

The things I’d do for a Strawb Daq right now.

I wonder how many strangers I can creep out by smiling at them. Londoners don’t like smiling.

What colour shall I paint my nails?

The world would be a better place if I didn’t have to pay tax.

David Cameron is such a baffoon.

I’m really annoyed Ken Livingstone didn’t win London Mayor.

That blasted Bo-Jo.

I think it’s about time I reapplied my lipgloss.

Wow. I love her shoes. I wonder where they’re from. Adds to mental want list.

Must cram in as much food as is humanly possible within my half an hour break.

Pretend to read the “heavy news” stories in the Sun before over-analysing the Bizarre section.

I wish I had Gordon Smart's job.

I hope Britney, Rihanna, Victoria or Cheryl are featured in today’s column.

BOOM 2 out of 4. Not bad!

I NEED tickets to the Spice Girl Musical. GIRL POWER.

I love the colour orange. I wish I was more tanned.

If I were a fruit I’d be an orange for the colour, a strawberry for its taste and a pineapple for its appearance.

I could really do with a nap. I can’t stop yawning.

My life would be a lot more exciting if I knew Christian Grey.

He’d keep me awake.

Would I rather have the beak of a duck or the tail of a pig?

Omg one hour left one hour left, only one hour left.

Oioi cute guy 2 o’clock.

I wonder who A is?

WOOO HOME TIME. YEAH BOY.

Must refrain from spending all my money in Topshop. You have bills to pay now Emma.

Damn the real world sucks.

I wish I was 4 again.

I can’t believe I’ve got to go out tonight.

I want to jump straight into bed, get under the duvet and watch my Royal Wedding DVDs.

On second thoughts Carly is coming which will result in cocktails being involved. KEEN.

What am I going to wear?

I hope we don’t have to talk about football too much. Snorin’ell.

I bet David doesn’t talk to Victoria about football all the time.

If football comes up as a topic I’ll down my drink. Great plan, I’ll text Carly and tell her.

Oooh I wonder what I’ll eat. Chicken obviously.

Change of lipgloss colour.

Ugh they’re talking about football. Time to neck this glass of champs.

YES Carly. Tequila is a GREAT shout.

WWRRRAAAAYYYYYY TEEEQQQQUUUUIIIILLLLLAAAAAAA.

Gimme more cocktails. NOW.

Wooo I feel amazing.

I can’t believe Carly has met Victoria Beckham. That kinda means that I’ve met her too because I’ve met Carly.

OMG I’VE MET VICTORIA BECKHAM.

I haven’t actually.

But my friend has. 

These cocktails are absolutely delicious and I’m not even drunk, at all.

Hiccup.

Who the hell is he to decide that I need to drink water? EFF OFF.

I don’t feel so good.

Crap. I have work tomorrow.

Oh well, YOLO. Gimme another Daq.

What do you mean we’re going home? It’s only 1am, the night is still young. Where’s Kayleigh she’d stay out till 5am with me.

Oh wow I feel dizzy.

Urgh taking make-up off is such a chore.

Ahhh my bed is so comfy. It’s like heaven.

I hope when I wake up I’m Rihanna.

Fingers crossed.

Night world.

...Yep, that was pretty much everything that went through my brain yesterday. It was a good day, sadly I didn’t wake up as Rihanna though which was a great shame.

Bye xo

The Diamond Jubilee

Hello. Today is Thursday although it doesn’t feel like one, mainly because I’ve only had two days at work this week. This is because of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee. She kindly granted us two extra days off to so we could help her celebrate the 60 year’s she’s been reigning (she came to the throne on 6th February 1952 yet her Coronation took place on 2nd June 1953). The only other British monarch to celebrate a Diamond Jubilee was Queen Victoria in 1897, what a babe.  

This blog is several days late, for which I apologise, however I was too busy having fun, loving the Queen and being near to combusting with excitement over her fantastic celebrations to bring you anything until now! It’s absolutely no secret that I am slightly Royal family obsessed. It all started when Diana died (morbid I know) but I visited London to see all of the flowers and messages left for her and I was intrigued. Last year saw my interest reach new heights with the Royal wedding of William and Kate (yes I do own both of the official DVDs and watch them occasionally: bite me) and ever since that spectacular Royal extravaganza I’ve been longing for more. Thankfully my wish was granted over the last weekend.

I could literally write a dissertation length review of the weekend however I want people to actually read this so we’ll cut it down into sections and bullet points.

Saturday 2^nd June:

The Queen kick started her four day Diamond Jubilee celebrations on Saturday by attending the Epsom Derby alongside Phillip Duke of Edinburgh. Wearing a bright, eye-catching blue coat and hat over a floral gown, she waved to supporters as she was greeted by loud cheers before watching the event.

Sunday 3^rd June:

Sunday’s celebrations revolved around the Flotilla, which was held along the river Thames and involved over 600 boats and the Royal Barge. Over a million spectators braved the rain and grey clouds to witness this once-in-a-lifetime special occasion along the banks of the River Thames. In fact the last Flotilla to take place was over 300 years ago.

Joined by the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince of Wales, Duchess of Cornwall, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry Her Majesty looked divine dressed in a beautiful white and silver outfit (designed and made by Angela Kelly, it took a year of planning) matching coat, shift dress, hat and a shawl draped over her shoulders as it was quite clearly cold out. She also clutched on to a patent black handbag: a woman after my own heart!

Kate wore a red Alexander McQueen dress which has previously also been worn by Kim Kardashian and Tulisa. However Kate, unlike the other two just mentioned, looked elegant and regal. Both William and Harry were dressed in Uniform, I’m not sure which ones I don’t remember but they looked dapper nonetheless!

Although there were two beautiful red thrones for her (and Philip) to sit down on not once did she, instead opting to watch the whole show upon her feet. The television cameras picked up on several occasions where her flawless (for an 86 year old) face lit up having noticed certain things. For example the War Horse on the top of the Theatre drew a big smile! However, one of my personal favourite moments of the day was when Tower Bridge lifted up, just like in the Spice Movie!

Monday 4^th June:

The third day of celebrations saw the Diamond Jubilee concert (which I applied for tickets for and sadly didn’t receive any... not that I’m bitter or anything. *grits teeth*)  However unlike me, tens of thousands of people, who also weren’t lucky enough to get tickets lined The Mall to watch the show and fireworks light up the Queen's iconic residence in central London. Another person who wasn’t able to attend was Prince Philip who had sadly been hospitalised with a bladder infection.

Some of the acts lucky enough to take to the special stage included Elton John, Kylie Minogue, Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, Robbie Williams and Annie Lennox. Pop legends from the last 60 years. Gary Barlow will undoubtedly be knighted sometime soon after organising the musical extravaganza. Also my recent favourite person Will I Am also tweeted some absolutely hilarious pictures on his Twitter of his day. Classic!

After a near enough two hour concert and a heartfelt and very sincere speech from Prince Charles (in which he paid tribute to and humorously called the Queen “mummy”) it was time for the most spectacular 4 minutes of fireworks I think I will ever see. They were absolutely incredible and the perfect end to an amazing evening.

Tuesday 5^th June:

On Tuesday the Diamond Jubilee weekend culminated with a day of celebrations in central London, including a service at St Paul’s Cathedral followed by two receptions, a lunch at Westminster Hall, a Carriage Procession to Buckingham Palace and finally a Balcony appearance, Flypast, and Feu de Joie.

Dressed in a mint green ensemble Her Majesty looked as radiant as ever, even though she’d had an awfully long last few days. After the service at St Paul’s Cathedral it was time for the moment I had been waiting for: the carriage procession and it didn’t disappoint. The Princes’ all donned top hats which made me chuckle as they made their way from the Palace of Westminster to Buckingham Palace. There was also a “mounted band” on trotting horses which was quite simply amazing.

After a little wait it was time for another favourite moment of mine: the balcony appearance. The red drape was set, and it reminded me completely of last year’s wedding. Out stepped the Queen followed by Prince Charles, Camilla, William, Kate and Harry (a much smaller group in comparison to the wedding) to an overwhelming amount of cheers, waving hands and Union Jack flags. Kate and Harry chatted and laughed amongst themselves whilst William passed comment about how it was “a bit wet” to his Grandmother. She waved several times whilst looking out to the sea of people filling the Mall whilst waiting for the plane display. 18 aircrafts, including 4 spitfires and the Red Arrows (who streamed red, white and blue) flew low over Buckingham Palace in tribute to the Queen, whilst she watched from below, absolutely beaming. After that there was a special salute from her Guards called the Feu de Joie, which involved shooting some sort of guns followed by the National Anthem and some hip-hip-hooray’s. And after all of that, the Royal 6 retired back into the warmth of Buckingham Palace and the Diamond Jubilee celebrations were over, much to my utter dismay.

Now, after witnessing the Diamond Jubilee celebrations I have several questions that I’m longing to be answered:

1) What does the Queen keep in her handbag? Does she store an array of different lipglosses like myself?

2) Why on earth was she left to hold her own umbrella on Sunday when it started raining and she was leaving the Royal Barge?

3) How does one go about getting a carriage similar (and just as extravagant) to the one she used on Tuesday? I desperately want one.

4) Does Her Majesty know who Cheryl is? And will she be purchasing Call My Name when it is released on the 9^th of June?

5) Lastly why the heck wasn’t I invited as Harry’s guest? After all everyone knows that “three’s a crowd” Harry…! Hashtag just sayin’

Now, unlike me there will be some of you out there reading this who didn't enjoy the celebrations and don’t like our Monarch, insisting that she doesn’t do enough to receive all that she does (including the last long weekend) and to all of you, I say this: I don’t care if she doesn’t do much, I’d much rather pay my taxes to the Queen than to some good-for-nothing lazy benefit scrounger who has never worked a day in their life (even though they are more than capable) and instead opting to for the easy route and letting others pay for them. The Queen makes me proud to be British, unlike those people I have just described and watching her enjoy the celebrations, along with millions of other proud Britain's made me even prouder.

God Save the Queen (and roll on the Platinum Jubilee! Yeaaahhhh!)