They tried to make me go to rehab...

Good evening all. Gosh it’s been a while and for this, I apologise. My blogs are becoming quite infrequent due to my busy little schedule. Blame uni and alcohol. Talking of which, this will be the topic of today’s blog. Alcohol; a simple seven lettered, three syllabled word that can leave you unable to string sentences together, doing things (or people) that you shouldn’t and just generally transforming from your normal stable sober-self into a crazy-uncontrollable-stumbling-mess (or maybe that’s just me?!) In a phone call that occured earlier today which was based around my alcoholically influenced antics a babe that goes by the name Tom said "Oh I can't wait to read your blog about this weekend" so here we go...

When google-ing alcohol it gave me all these scientific explanations about carbon and hydrogen atoms, this reminded me of the old days of double science in year 10/11 and made me want to vom (nearly as much as my hangovers do) it always confuses me how a couple of drinks can make you feel how you do when you're under the influence of alcohol, of course not everyone is as easily intoxicated as I am and need more than a couple, but still, you get my drift. And also how it affects everyone differently, I for one, start of talking an awful lot more (often complete crap) for example "Do trees go to school?" I also start giggling at anything and everything and am just generally being a little more hyper. Then I'll get to the stage where I can't walk and spend half the time on the floor and then after that I don't normally remember much. Nice

People have said that you can separate the stages of being drunk into five of them:

* Stage 1; Thinking you're super smart. After a couple of drinks you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. I for one could go on mastermind about geography (and you all know full well how shocking I am at this!) You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right, and obvos the person you are talking to is going to be wrong.

* Stage 2; Thinking you're the hottest thing on the planet. This stage is when you convince yourself that you are the best looking person in the entire club and that everyone wants a slice. You can go up to a complete stranger knowing that they are falling madly in love with you every time they see you fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still smart, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Bonus!

* Stage 3; When you think you've won the lottery or something and think you're made of money. This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you obviously have a truck full of money parked behind the bar. You also like making bets at this stage and because you are still smart you'll naturally win all of your bets and become even richer and buy even more people drinks. It's always a pleasant surprise to meet someone whos at stage 3 at the bar... drinks on them. Result!

* Stage 4; Then comes the stage where people believe that their bullet proof. They'll start fights with people who are clearly twice the size of them, and who would easily push them over with their little finger, but oh no, under the influence, this is it you can take on anyone.

* Stage 5; When you become invisible. This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness, at this point you can do anything because no one can see you anyone. You can dance like an absolute freak, sing at the top of your lungs and just generally be an idiot because no one can see or hear you. Lovely!

Anyway enough of the general comments and more about me specifically!! :) Before I became a Blackberry owner it was always dodgy texts/phone calls that were made when out but now its spread to twitter and blackberry messenger as well. Simply hideous. I think Blackberrys should be banned when alcohol is around but at the time it always seems like such a good idea. Yeah I'll text them and say that, they defo need to know it. I also often forget what I've said until the next morning when they ring "Err what did you mean when you said that?" or "You did WHAT?!" Oh crap. And its not just phone calls/texts that I forget, its half the effing night. People will tell me what occurred the night before and I swear to God I wasn't there but they'll promise me I was. I guess this isn't a huge shock, as I'm pretty oblivious in normal everyday life anyway. I find it usually helps to use the camera taken out on the night as a rough timeline of shenanigans, but even that doesn't work sometimes!

Another thing that occurs with me is the fact that I tend to vom. A lot. I know, I'm delish. I wouldn't mind if after I felt a little better, but normally I feel worse. There's a million other places I'd rather be with a hangover rather than crouched over the toilet. I mean seriously when would you ever wanna see that? The sight alone is enough to make you want to vom. That's why, when it's possible I opt for the bucket, pavement or the side of the motorway, I'm not fussy me! Ha, anyway moving on...

Another of my drunken let-downs is the fact that I don't know when to stop. Or I do but I chose to ignore it and carry the heck on. That one more double vodka orange and lemonade and shot of sambuca always seems like such a good idea at the time, however its ALWAYS a mistake. Also the fact that a lot of others can drink way more than me and still not face the consequences doesn't help, it means I obvos have to drink the same because otherwise it's unsociable... right?! (Well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!) Another killer is drinking games, I don't understand half of them when I'm stone-cold sober so how the hell am I meant to play them when I've been drinking? And I swear half of you make up the rules and just make me drink all the time anyway. COH.

Anyway I can't write about alcohol anymore, I can still taste it a little bit in my mouth and it's very off putting. So until Thursday (3 days is surely enough?!) I will stick to the strawberry water, and then I'll get right back on it! Yay. And as Jamie Foxx once said “Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol” and trust me, that I do!

P.S. I'd like to dedicate this lovely blog to Chow, Penny, Ro and Martina who on Saturday night (before the alcoholic antics really began) all commented on how the loved reading my blogs. So this one's for you girlies *Cooie!!* It was also effing lovely to see you all again and great to play the old drinking games and party with you all, although next time make sure I don't toddle off by myself, and Martina lay off the Gin we want you actually making it to town next time!xxx