Wallowing.

"I'M SOOOO FRIGGING PISSED" Yes that is a line from White Chicks, but it also pretty much sums up my mood after writing out a WHOLE blog and then losing it all. Good one Em. Sheesh. Now I'm going to have to try and remember what I wrote... sigh. I started with saying how it had been a whole week since I last blogged. Whoops. I told you my CBA was bad!! But after several texts/bbms/facebook messages asking what the hell I was playing at I decided it was time to pop by and fill you all in. So hello blogettes, I have missed you all tremendous amounts and hope you are all well!

Today I have spent the WHOLE day wallowing in my own self pity. How very self indulgent of me. I thought it would make me feel better. It didn't. It made me feel a bit pathetic to be honest. So as of tomorrow I'm totes over it ALL. Whatevs. Being sad is way over-rated I don't know how these Emo's of Goth's do it constantly, it's effing tiresome I'm telling ya. The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that Tuesday = HEATDAY. Thank the Lord for Heat magazine. I don't know if you've seen their new advert but they have a new slogan "Heat makes life worth living." I'm no even exaggerating when I'm saying that that is actually how I felt today! Drama bbz!

Right seeing as it has been a week since I was last here I figured I'd just do a round-up of what has been going down. Don't expect much....

* I saw Jaz this weekend. It was delicious. I love her. I love the fact she bribed me with a "banging glass of squash because you don't drink tea." I am happy to report that it was indeed banging. I love the fact we didn't move for over 2 hours just talking about everything. I love the fact we were both looking delicious. I love the fact that we have our own way of speaking. FMLC. Yeah Lauren Conrad. And the fact I love most is that come Thursday we shall be bringing back the time of Summer 08 and how life should be.
* A couple came into work wearing matching Superdry hoodys. I wanted to say something, but instead I just laughed to myself. I also wanted to vom all over them but I refrained from doing that also. I mean seriously, it was horrendous, and there is absolutely NO need for that kind of crap. You are not Victoria and David Beckham darlings, and even if you were, matching outfits were so 2001. Jesus.
* Apparently losing one hour of sleep affects me in a bigger way than I imagined possible. It was hideous. I really missed that hour.
* I want to party, but it's a Tuesday, and Tuesdays are shit.
* Talking of partying I want to party with Louie Spence so much that it actually makes me heart ache.
* My neck feels crooked. This isn't babeish. Massage please.
* Nat left for NY today. I am extremo jealous and told her that if she didn't bring me back Chace Crawford I would not be impressed and our 'babeship' (friendship between babes, dur) would be over. She has been warned!! :)
* I should totes be writing my dissertation right now, but you know you gotta get your priorities right haven't you. And this, along with shopping clearly comes first.
* Ahh shopping. Yes I got paid. I got my bonus. It was a good day. I enjoyed spending it... all. Whoops? Pah, as if anyone actually thought I'd be able to save it anyways. After all this is me we're talking about!!
* I received some 'Reversy Percy Pigs' but I feel too sick to eat them. This is upsetting.
* I can't believe how light it is, it is crazy, don't get me wrong I love it because it means summer is well and truly on the way but I'm so over all this chirping from the birds at stupid o'clock in the morning. Can't they just shut up? The only bird I'll happily allow to tweet is the one on Mary Poppins when she's singing 'Spoonful of Sugar' (Mahony will probably be the only one who finds this interesting! Hi Babe!)
* Talking of Miss Hannah Mahony, I'd like to thank her for serenading me with 'Favourite things' the other day when I had a sadface. It quickly changed into a happyface after her tweets!
* My Birthday is slowing creeping up on me. I still have no clue what I want to do for it. So that's just lovely.
* I cannot believe I am about to type this but I like Diana Vickers song. Someone shoot me. I effing hate her. I hate her face. Her hair. Her voice. And her stupid freaking claw. But her song is ruddy catchy. Disgraceful *Sorry Chels*
* Having watched Super Nanny I came to the conclusion that Jo frost is a majorly underrated babe. I think it's got something to do with the way she says "thas unasseptable" Ha!
* I have outed myself as a Chezbian, and I couldn't be happier. (Cheryl lover. Dur.)
* On a recent night out I had to play a game of 'Dodgeball' and tried to avoid certain people I did not want to see. However it would appear that I am the most unsly drunk ever invented and so this was a massive fail. Which made for an interesting end to the night! Lovely!
* I love the advert that goes "Du Pain. Du Vin. Du Boirsin...Du Tracteur. FIN." HIGHlarious.
* I went to watch 'The Bounty Hunter' which has Gerard Butler in it. I found it difficult to keep my legs mouth shut. He is the one.
* Having watched Glee last night I can honestly say that it was up there with the greatest moments of my life (Victoria Beckham and Britney waving to me and receiving my Louis Vuitton bag etc...) I actually LOVE it, just not as much a Vinton-face obvs. If ever there was an 'Ultimate Gleek' it would be her.
* I remembered how back at school we would all swing on our chairs. What was it about the chairs at school that meant you spent all day swinging on them? Teachers hated that shit. You don't see people swinging on chairs anymore. Why is this? Puzzled.
* Another thing which I thought of was what the hell did we do before leggings? I mean seriously EVERYONE wears them, how did we cope before. I can't remember how it came up in conversation with Nat, but it did, we pondered over it for a while without coming up with any explanation, we probably got distracted by something shiny.
* A highlight of my week would be going to Starbucks with Tash. God it was good. I had missed those times. We made a pact to cram in as many more 'Bucks dates' before we leave uni within the next month... oh right thats a lovely thought, excuse me while I go and vom...
* Oh and Rochelle from the Saturday's is a bitch. And no it's not because shes fucking Marvin... *rolls eyes*

...And on that note I don't think I want to write anymore!!  I think I remembered everything, and if not it can't have been that good anyway! I'm going to love and leave you all with a quote from Samantha Jones (SATC Biatches): "I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party... I just believe in parties!" ... Amen to that one sister.

Roll on Thursday and the bank holiday weekend. Awooooga!! Have a lovely evening my little baby Easter chickens. xo xo

CBA

Holy Moly. Have you heard about the new epidemic that just hit Britain? It has been said to be ten times WORSE than Swine Flu (wack the face masks back out guys, this is seriously bad.) And can you believe my luck... guess who's only gone and contracted it? Me! Oh great, good one Em! Gah!

The new 2010 pandemic is set to be a global outbreak of a brand new strain of C1BA2 influenza virus, often referred to as "CBA Syndrome" (Can't Be Arsed Syndrome.) And just like Swine flu the British Government are taking it very serious and are trying to put on a brave face for the public but it is more than obvious that they are worried. Apparently face masks won't be enough this time, oh no, they are having millions of full-body-protective-suits shipped in from Japan, with the oxygen face masks as well. This is way bad (if only I could be bothered to care!!) Symptoms for the extremely contagious and sometimes life-damaging disease are said to be having a general lack of motivation in life, not wanting to move from the sofa/bed and just genuinely not really caring about anything, including important issues that the victim should care about (for example dissertations or just attending uni in general.... *rolls eyes*)

Scientific research has been conducted into trying to find a cure, however there has been no such luck as of yet. However they have thankfully had a few small leads and have discovered that victims must not do anything they don't want to do and get a lot of rest and be generally lazy until they feel like they can resume normal life again. They have also found that CBA will never EVER effect partying, so no fears if you contract the disease come friday/saturday night you'll still be getting on it! It can also appear out of nowhere, like seriously, one minute you're fine and then BAM you look like this poor victim who was found on her till last week. Poor girl. (The till had to be sectioned off and the store was actually closed for a few days to be cleaned from top to bottom which just shows the seriousness of it all.)

So it looks like it is back to bed to get a lot of rest for me for the rest of the day/week/month (however long it takes to go away. Sadface!) Oh dear, what a shame, especially in this gross weather... such a pity! Also I'm sorry to mention it last but the disease is SO contagious that you will probably contract it just from reading this blog. Oh crap. So now none of you will be able to go into uni/work tomorrow. Oh dear that really is a shame, sorry about that guys!

I'm not sure when you'll hear from me again Blogette's, it all depends on whether I can shift this nasty virus or not! Finger's crossed, for all of your sakes because I know how you love the blogs, and I love all of you back!! xo

Omnomnom

As you know I only ever blog about important events, and one has just occurred. So here we go...

Let me set the scene, there I was snuggled in bed, curtains still drawn with a glass of water and bunch of paracetamol next to me watching Loose Women (for the second time) on itv2 and just generally feeling sorry for my-delicate-self, and my poor little throbbing head. When the door knocks and in enters Papa J with a parcel "What have you been ordering now? This is a bit small for a dress isn't it Scoobs?" He hands it to me and there I see some cute little writing which I instantly recognise "FAO Emma C Jamieson" (My middle name is actually Louise. The C stands for a 4 lettered word...) I opened it up and out fell Galaxy (the chocolate not like a universe or anything from space!) of the bubble variety and caramel. Omnomnom. Inside was a little note on a business card (my girls gone up in the world clearly) saying "Can you say BABEISH?! xxx" Of course I can Jaz, and you are filled to the brim with it you babeish babe. Suddenly my life seemed worth living again, I sat up and smiled. So this blog is to thank my little C Jaz and although I'd love to munch it now, I'll leave it till I can truly appreciate it and haven't got the rotten hangover taste in ones mouth. Vom.

So there we go a nice little short, sweet and straight to the point blog just to say thanks ♥
Big love for you Jasmin C-faced Mese!! xxxxx

Juicy

"They say Hello, they say Ola and they say Bonjour...."
... So "Hello, Ola and Bonjour" my darling Blogettes! And how are we all? Delish as always I hope. I'm not sure how or why I'm so alive and kicking this morning after last night, but I am so I thought why not go with it and bash out a blog. Weeeyyyy! So today's will be dedicated to something that I am obsessed with. Something I genuinely love. Something that one day I hope to do myself (well write) CELEBRITY GOSSIP. Omnomnommmm. I effing love it. And yes, as all my lecturers say daily "people who like celeb gossip use it as escapism from the real world" blah blah blah "its brain-dumbing" blah blah blah. So what? Bite me. I love it so shut your face and go back to reading your financial times. Losers.

With that rant out the way I shall get onto the juice, however forgive me as it will all be a bit out of date. What I think I'll do is a week round up, seeing as its Friday and all. Oh wow, actually that's a fother mucking good idea, I'm going to do this EVERY week. Sweet especially after a lot of you said that you got your goss from mwoi when you answered my survey, you little babes. Anyway, yeah get to the goss... LETS GO.

* Katie Price. It kills me to put her first, but hey the sooner I do it the sooner I can move on. Let's do this quickly!!... She was on This Morning yesterday. She said she was keeping her life private. She then said she was trying for a baby, but she's on her period so ain't preggers yet. Yeah good one love, shut ya trap. Oh also, in the same interview she mentioned she's making a movie of her life in which she wants to play a cameo. And she also referred to Alex as Pete. Gutted!

* Also on This Morning, this week has been 'sex week' Big. Fat. Major. Cringe. Just as I've written that they've said they have a 60 year old escort on today who has slept with over 4000 men. Well that is delicious.

* Talking about sex, onto cheating members of the male sex. W-T-F is it some sort of new craze, because everyone seems to be at it (just not with their partners clearly) Ashley 'Are-you-mad?-Have-you-seen-your-wife' Cole, John 'I'm-a-sleeze' Terry, Tiger 'I-want-to-choke-you-whore' Woods, Mark 'I'm-so-cute-and-innocent-but-actually-I've-been-having-affairs-with-over-10-women' Owen and now Jesse James, Sandra Bullocks hubby. I mean whats going on, I don't understand? If you're married to someone as hot as Chezza C why on earth would you go else-where? And now he's apparently annoyed at her friendship with Will I Am. Oh sheesh and that coming from the man who sent pics of his cock and slept with several different women whilst married, that's a bit rich love. Tiger Wood's 'sexts' have also been leaked with goodies such as “You are my fucking whore. Hold you down while I choke you.” Oh well that's just lovely! And as for Mark from Take That. Shocking! The bit that really got me was the fact that he made a point of saying "I haven't done it since we've been married" You've only been married a couple of months love, what are you expecting? A gold star or something? Muppet.

* In some sad news this week JEdward were dropped by Sony. *Sob* but were quickly scooped up by Universal *Yay* No need to get rid of your quiffs just yet boys. With the deal comes a single and an album! Yay!! And they've also got easter eggs coming out. Amazing, a big thank you to Natalie Rooney *waves* for showing me the pic! They come in twin packs (Sadly not with quiffs) and some of them have golden tickets in them to win a meet and greet. I'm going to have to buy the lot!!

* Gaga-Oo-La-La-Roma-Ro-Ma-Ma. Gaga's video is out and boy is it crazy. Quentin Tarantino lent her the Kill Bill "Pussy Wagon" van so she could use it in her vid and now she has has been rumoured to be in line for a starring role in his next film. Ooohh!!

* Robert Pattison has been in London. He's fugly. I'm not interested. Next subject....

* T4's terribly annoying Miquita Oliver was a bit naughty and rude to Ke$ha in a recent interview and has been 'suspended.' Appaz Miqits called her a naughty 4 letter word (YES babe!!) and Ke$ha's (god it's such a hassle doing that effing dollar sign everytime you write her name) people heard her and complained. However channel 4 have played it down and said she'll be on T4 as usual. Dammit!!

* Amanda Seyfield has the word 'minge' tattooed on her foot. HIGHlarious!

* And lastly two words: Louis Spence. Oh wait, one more word: BABE!

Anyway that's all I can be bothered with writing if I've missed anything terribly juicy I do apologise but just go buy a copy of Heat and find it for yourself!! Mucho love-io bloggettes. Big kisses xxxx

P.S. I really want a malteaser bunny. Please?

Quote-alicious

O haiii party people!

Guess who's laptop is all shiny and fixed. Kapow. So to celebrate I thought why not go absolutely crazy and write a blog. I mean look, I'm writing in the middle and all sorts. Wowzers. Crazy bitch, I know. Many of you used to love my quote section on facebook *oh hi Jaz you utter c-face. I've mentioned again you lucky UNT.* But that kind of fizzled out, mainly because I ran out of room *Sadface* so instead I'm going to wack it in a blog. Big time. I'll include some of the classic oldies and of course some new corkers. Prepare for some giggles biatches (unless of course you're not mentioned, in which case you are obvs boring - gutted to be you!)

Lets start with some old school babes, we're talking Summer 2008. The summer where Jaz and I napped and lunched, every single effing day. Babeish.

Me: "What flavour sausages are these?"

Me: ""BACON IN A MUFFIN?? As in Choc Chip Muffin?!"

Jaz: "'Bacon in a cake??! How rank do you think I am?"

Chris: "Where are you?!"

Lauren: "In bed..."

Chris: "Who's bed?!"

Lauren: "Never you mind!!"

Me: "Do trees go to school?"

Andrew: "Your actually gonna have a wagasm when you see this"

Aaron: "'I've had champers with Will and Harry (pause) ... back when I used to play polo."

Me: "Is Nadine Baggott famous?!"

Soph: "Nadine Faggott?"

Me: "No Nadine Baggott?"

Soph: "Nadine Maggot?!"

Andrew: (To a dwarf) "Sorry I didn't see you there"

Char: "I'll, errr, tag it!”

Me: "Our faces look white and our oranges look neck."

Muzzie: "Don't worry Em, you could out-wag her anyday. Out-fabulize her. Out-posh her. Out-style her. Everything!"

And onto 2009.....

(Penny and Jaz speaking in a foreign language)

Me: "Wow you're so French"

Penny: "That was Japanese!"

Nat: "That's one squished babe"

Tash: "I'm whiter than you'll ever be!"

Nat: "Why can't she go shopping? TRAMP"

Jackson: "Thats a saveloy alright!"

Kayleigh: "My dads just come home drunk and keeps laughing at the octopus hes gone really red in the face. I'm kinda worried!"

Jason: "I can only watch it if its a singing lion or something!"

Nat: "BUGGGGSSSBYYYY WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"

And lastly the babeish year that is 2010.....

Vicki: "You could write a whole blog on her"

Luke: "Don't be a follower, sheep do that and end up on a plate with mint sauce."

Rubie: "Money doesn't buy you happiness... that's just what poor people say!"

Rubie: "LMAO - laughing my arse off. I wish I could laugh my arse off, it would save me from going to the gym!"

Vicki: "So I'm going to put Glee in the magazines hot list again this month, because we all love it..."

Steph: "I don't..."

Mumbabe: "If you think you'll regret it in the morning, just have a major lie in!"

Me and Nat: "High 5, scuba dive, do the jive, five alive."

Mumbabe: "On you marks. Get set. Go away!"

Jeremy Kyle: "Respect to ya. And I mean that, respect to ya!"

Me: "'Find the gold, and make a ring out of it"

Charlotte: "I'M NOT FROM FUCKING BRACKNELL, I'M FROM FUCKING FLEET."

Tom: "2k10 stunner babe. Mwah mwah"

Jaz: "The bathroom floor is the best medicine. I completely understand! Are you getting into bed now?"

♥

Party-time

Last weekend was lush, and lush things deserve their own blog... so here we go. However, to be honest the whole weekend feels like one big mush in my brain so if I get a little bit confused, bear with me!

It all started when a certain babe wrote on my wall asking me to fit her into my busy babeish schedule for some party times. Friday it was, with Priva being the destination. However it got to Thursday at about 9pm and Klute was calling my name, so a cheeky little bbm to my babe ‘What you doing babe? Klute?’ and before you could say “spontaneous” we were getting ready, knocking back the shots and having pictures taken with percy pigs. ‘O haaiiiiii’

So off we popped to Klute to find Vicki there. Result. However she let the team down slightly by drinking water... oh right! Anyway with her were two other utter babes, step forward Sarah and Rubie. Nat and I started busting out the moves; you know the standard teapot, crab, penguin and the absolute fav, the hula-hoop. We were off and people were loving it, espesh Rubie who quickly became a hula-hoop genius and was wacking it out here there and everywhere! Just referring to one of my previous blogs, it’s fun to take the mick out of yourself and Rubie was on our level COMPLETELY... Hence why she is a babe and is featured in the blog! Thursday night was also the night we created the world’s most amazing high-5. Seriously it’s breathtakingly brilliant! We carried on partying and having an utter giggle, I can’t remember a whole lot apart from Rubie sliding down the stairs, Nat dancing with the security dude and then me then being told off by him for dancing on the sofa.. whoops. Work the next morning at half 8 was a pure pleasure.... NAAAAAAAAT!

Onto the next day and the next stop; Priva. This was the night where I took my ‘orange obsession’ to a whole new level. The skin, the nails, the outfit, they were all inspired by an orange highlighter. Tantasic babe. Whilst getting ready we came across the most amazing song to get ready to.. ‘Lonely girl yodelayheehoo’. We also managed to get Charlotte and Sam (the weird c**ts) to come and party, all because Nat’s lighter was in her left hand.. or was it her right?! Haaa! Anyway we were off again in a big way. Highlight of the night goes to Gina and her beautiful song “don’t you know lollipop, you’ve got to freshen up” which we were sure was going to get to number 1. Friday night was also the night where we harassed burkebabe and left many hilarious voicemails, stuck mushrooms to our face which resulted in us getting chicken pox, we also discovered that a grape is a genuine berry and most importantly it was the night where the famous drunk blog occurred. Sweet!

Onto Saturday morning and we were awoken by Mumbabe yodelling, and bonus, there were no hangovers around. Re-freaking-sult. Natbabe concurred that it was because we had been drinking fruit flavoured shots so these were surely good for us. Lovely! We had decided that Saturday night we would stay in and watch 500 days of summer to recuperate after what had been two fabulously messy nights out. However having gone to Nat’s at about half 8 it got to about 9 again and I said “I want to party” “Me too babe.” So we threw the idea of a night-in out the window and prepared ourselves for another spontaneous night. Nat kept saying “I have a feeling tonights going to be really good babe, I don’t know why but I just do!” and boy was she right... It was filled with laughs and utter controversy. It was hilarious (as always!) the moves come right back out and we didn’t even need to tell the barman what we were drinking, he knew, and he also knew we wanted straws. Yeah that’s right biatch. On a little toilet break to top up the lipgloss a complete random was like “Omg do you write the blog?!” HA, Yeah I do! There were also a couple ‘faces’ that were not happy about some of the blogs which had been written... truth hurts biatches! Saturday night was also the night I left Jaz an amazing voicemail, one of which I am proud of and wish to hear!! Oh and I also knocked over Nat's glass of champagne.. sorry about that babe.

So there we have it, that's my weekend wrapped up in a blog, I'm more than positive I've missed loads out, which is kind of upsetting but I was 'chemically inconvenienced' so there we go! I’m going to leave this blog with a quote from the babe that is Rubielicious “We don’t run Bournemouth, we completely boss it!”

Until next time blogette's.... xo xo

Gaga and ‘Honey B’ in Telephone.

There had been a lot of speculation over Gaga’s upcoming video for her new single Telephone for many reasons. One, what crazy outfits will she be donning? Two, how much of a role will Beyonce play in it? Three, what kind of crazy antics will she be displaying? And four, when the hell will we get to see it, it felt like we had been waiting forever, but then on Friday it was unleashed and wow was it worth the wait! Now, normal music videos last 4 mins tops, but when has Lady Gaga ever done anything by half? This bad-boy lasts 9 minutes and 32 seconds. And I for one enjoyed every second of it.

After watching it for the first time I was speechless. I couldn’t quite believe what I had just witnessed and didn’t know where to begin with it. It was obvious that this video needed a blog, and boy was I excited to write it! It should have been written Friday/yesterday but due to certain ‘chemically inconvenienced’ circumstances it wasn’t and to be honest that's a whole other blog in itself!! So here I am now, on Sunday evening, wearing my snuggie and sipping on some pepsi to give you my lowdown on Gaga and Honey B’s video...

It opens with different shots of a prison whilst credits run introducing the stars, as if it were a movie (which it may as well be considering its length!) Then out comes Gaga strutting down in a black and white very low-cut dress displaying her saggy boobs. Delish. She is then stripped by the two prison guards and then someone says “I told you she didn’t have a dick!” ...That’s one thing I love about Gaga (not the fact she doesn’t have a dick..) but the fact she takes the mick out of herself and doesn’t seem to care what people think. *waves to Nat!!* You rock it babe! Next she struts out in some crazy sunglasses made out of cigarettes. Seriously how does she do it? She manages to out-weird herself each time! Crazy biatch. What next? Cans of coke being used as rollers in her hair? Yep, that happens too. (Which by the way I think is pure genius and I may even give it a try!) By now we are nearly 3 minutes into the video and she still hasn’t sung a single word, so cue the song “Hello hello baby you called I can’t hear a thing” she’s singing to Beyonce aka Honey B on the phone. She then busts out some moves, including one where she turns her hands into claws (I’ll be busting that one out on the dancefloor next week!) She then goes onto strut around in her underwear (she’s really out to prove she isn’t a he-she, ain’t she!) whilst still busting the moves, out comes the claw again!



Now it’s time for Beyonce to make an appearance (or should I say ‘Honey B’ as that’s what she’s known as in the video.) “You’ve been a very bad girl. A very, very bad, bad girl Gaga.” “Mhm Honey B!” and off they zoom in Beyonce’s ‘Pussy Wagon’. You literally cannot make this stuff up.

There are, of course some crazily wacky outfits (I mean its Lady Gaga, she’s not exactly going to be wearing jeggings now is she?!) but my favourite goes to Beyonce. I want her blue jacket with the gems on the shoulder pads etc along with the shoes which are also covered in gems. Lush. I’m also a big fan of the American flag outfits they wear. They are like a modern day version of Geri’s union jack dress! Also along with the crazy wardrobe choices there are also some cracking quotes in the video including “You know what they say, once you kill a cow, you’ve gotta make a burger.” And “Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broke. But you can still see the crack in that mother fucker’s reflection.” And “I knew you’d take all my honey. You selfish mother *beeeeep*”

There is so much going on I’m finding it hard to fit it all in. But the basic idea is that Beyonce bails Gaga out of prison, they then go on to poison and kill lots of people and then go on the run in their Pussy Wagon. Genius! It's also really refreshing to see Beyonce going along with Gaga's crazy ways and I bet they had a lot of giggles making it!


So there we go, it is without a doubt the craziest thing I have ever seen and I quite frankly love it. Long live the Gaga and the Honey B. And I can’t wait for it to be continued... and just in case you haven’t seen it before watch the link below! Enjoy! I also actually HAVE to see her live and preferably with Jaz... I feel an ebay search coming on missus....!!




P.freaking.S. I cannot even begin to describe how hard it has been writing this blog. My brain aches. As Jaz and I would say "I have a serious case of CBA!" (I LOVE you C-face.) I'm off to sleep. I'll write my 'party weekend' blog tomorrow. If it is anything like my weekend it is going to be an ABSOLUTE cracker!

Adios Amigos xo xo

The Morning after the 'chemically inconvenienced' blog

WOW... I can see what I'm typing, this is genius! I hope you all enjoyed last nights cheeky little installment blogette's it sure was a hoot to write, along with Natbabe obvs. I'm sure you'll all agree that she left her mark... hopefully she'll return again sometime soon... maybe in this blog, I'll ask her *turns to Nat "do you wanna blog?" "yeah" "ok here you go..." *passes laptop*


Good Morning Blogettes I hope you enjoyed the blog last night... and you will be all pleased to know that i may have found a cure to Em's gross hangovers....wait for it..... Fruit flavored vodka shots... because clearly if there fruit flavored surely that equals to one of your 5 a day right??? so in theory she is replenishing her body whilst she's getting drunk...RESULT!!!! 
**Dermot has defo just been on the tv**
Anyway faithful Emmababe blog followers... I will leave you in the good (and orange) hands of Emmababe....
Love xoxo


O HAAAIIIIIII Dermot was just the voiceover on the Argos advert. I love him so that was nice. And so like we totally do not have hangovers which is majorly lush, as you all know how I'm usually hugging the toilet right about now, but not today. WINNER. We are watching something about backpacking and mumbabe just said "Shall we go backpacking after you've finished uni babes?" Nat's reply was "No I couldn't think of anything worse" and mine was "No. I hate backpacks." Asbo (Katiebabe) then laughed, she obvs loves backpacks. Weirdo!


Hmm I really don't have much else to say so that will be all until next time babes, stay safe and more importantly stay sexy. xo xo


Oh and by the way, I've been Southampton but I've never been to Scunthoooorrrrrrrrpe! MUUUURRRRRRRRRRRR.


P.S. BERRY UPDATE. A cherry, just in case you were wondering, is NOT a berry because they grow on trees not bushes. No big deal. 

I'm not drunk i'm just chemically inconvenienced.

GOOD MORNING blogettes. I am drunk, but actually i am not, because i am actually only chemically inconvenienced for a little while. Come tomorrow morning I will be hungover, which will mean I am no longer chemically inconvenienced. This makes me sad... *pass me another shot Babe!*


This blog is influenced by life. Because did you even know that a grape is an actual berry? BECAUSE MY DARLINGS, IT IS. And that is a FACT. I just googled it, because we're one big berry family. *Waves to Burkeberrybabe cooie*


I also discovered tonight some juicalicious gossip, which will not be shared over this blog but believe you me what a unbabeish thing to occur.


I also have chickenpox... my face is blotchy because I had sweety mushrooms growing out of my face. Holy moly. 


Hi blogettes!! It Natbabe! This is my first time blogging....


I have taken over Emmababe's blog for a sec just to gets some things off my chest...


Firstly i would like to clarify the truth in Emma's blog the other day with regards to the citizens of bournemouth.... They are ALL CUNTS! FACTOID!! If you don't believe it, go out in bournemouth, any night of the week and you will find yourself surrounded by invalids....But it is highly amusing taking the absolute piss out of them when your 'chemically inconvenienced'.....


Secondly.... I would like to mention that 99.9% of men are actual CUNTS (sorry for the use of language, but you can't deny that its a way lush word) i know this from experience...Step forward cunts of bournemouth (p.s i defo just nearly put a Z on the end of that *cunt*...Emma has just labeled me 'ghetto' woop woop) I for one have extremely strong feminist opinions and believe that women should be treated with respect and NOT like a fucking play thing that MOST men seem to believe we are...
Thats all from me folks...I don't wanna take over Emmababe's babeish blog for too long... I know how much you all LOVE IT!! Thanks for listening to my little 'chemically inconvenienced' rant...your all babes in my eyes... except the cunts of bournemouth.... you know who you are!  Love Natbabe xxx


O HAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII its me emma babe i am back after my lovely babes first even blog appearance... wasnt she good *standing ovation* yeah babe *throws roses onto the stage* now to quickly mention the fact that Nat wants chicken and i want an orange convertible mini. GET ME ONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY FOR PREPARE TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.... you get that dad?


Anyway I'd also like to mention JULIE ANDREWS. I have a new favourite going out song and it goes a little like this....





watch and enjoy, she is so babeish i wish she was my nan so she could sing to me all the time. yodalay-heee-hooooooo. Tomorrow night I am going to watch sound of music (the singalong version bitches) whilst dreaming of a better life with the babe Julie as my nan.


I had other things to mention but I can't remember what so I think this will be all. I'd like to thank you all for your never ending support and encouragement to write a blog. You are lovely and luscious and babes. This blog has been fun, I'm sure you will agree. Another thanks to Natbabe for making a cheeky little berry appearance it was a delight. So from us and a bag of cheesy doritos... GOODNIGHT.


XO


"lonely goat in a pale pink coat" and remember darling blog readers, we aren't drunk we are simply "chemically inconvenienced" and with that FACT out the way I bid you farewell


OH HERE COMES MUM BABE!!!! she is even worse than us... shes had an explosion occur within, vodka jager and redbull. crickey mate.x

Moolah

Welcome to my second blog of the day, what a treat! This one’s topic will be moolah aka money. The stuff I think I am actually addicted to spending. Even when I don’t have any I make a mental note of what to buy when I do have some. It’s terrible, but I actually can’t stop. I think I need to go to rehab for shopping addicts, where they don’t let you out or near a computer (online is often one of my greatest downfalls) for like a month. Although saying that I’d probably go insane and dig my way out with a spoon in a tunnel, which would end up straight underneath Topshop Oxford Street! (Geography may not be one of my talents but being able to find a Topshop is!!...)

So in an earlier blog I informed you all that this month, March 2010, I was going to crack it. I was going to be “good." However the whole 60p a day equation I worked out lasted about 5 hours when I bought a can of coke. It cost 80p. From then onwards it hasn't been much better “Oh look a new pair of shoes. I defo need them.” *rolls eyes* I remember the day well, sat in Lucy’s room whilst Tash was sleeping off her dirty hangover. We entered the This Morning and Loose Women competitions thinking we were going to win 30k so we could buy our mini’s which we have longed for for so long. Needless to say we didn’t either. Then came the budget. “Budget? What the hell, isn’t that something politicians do or whatnot?” I thought to myself. Oh no, Lucy has one too and her outgoings were at least triple her incomings. Nice work babe! Now was my time. To be fair I don’t have to pay for that much, phone bill and petrol. That’s it. No rent or food. I know I live a cushty life and I’m very grateful! *Thanks Mum and Dad* I worked it out to the extreme by spending literally NOTHING that I had exactly 60p a day, and as I’ve already said, that didn’t last too long! The other bad thing is that I know deep down that I don’t NEED the dress as I have too many in my wardrobe but its new and shiny and lovely and it would make me feel happy. Shopping seriously cheers me up, University depresses me beyond believe and with West Quay just a five minute walk away it’s just got DEBT written all over it. Sigh.

So anyway today it was announced that the company I work for (not sure if I’d get a slapped wrist for naming it?! Watch the news or ask me in person if you don’t already know, which you blates already do!!) Anyway *sorry another quick topic change* having started writing these blogs I’ve noticed I don’t have babble on... BACK. TO. THE. TOPIC. The company I work for announced that we would all be receiving a 15% bonus. Yip to the eeeeeeeeee. Which works out at 8 weeks pay, for free. Lovely jubbly thank you very much. Now I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I love the fact we get bonuses but a 900% bonus would have been nicer. I’d then haven been able to buy the orange mini! Anyway so I worked out in my head how much it would be and voila I came up with 3 options...
1. Put it towards paying off the Student Overdraft.
2. Buy a Mulberry bag.
3. Go on a HUGE splurge in Topshop.

Now it’s obvious I’d LOVE to do either option 2 or 3, well actually I could do both. But 1 would be the more sensible option. Shudder. I hate the S word. Sensible. Gross. What’s the fun in being sensible anyway? “Living a life without debt Emma, that’s what” “Yes mum and dad” Sadface. Seeing as this year I will be leaving uni and entering the real world I guess it’s time I became sensible. Hmm... or not?!

To end this blog I’ll leave you with possibly the most exciting thing that happened to me today *I lead such a tragic life* I smelt my first BBQ... well it was either that or a fire?! No I’m pretty sure it was a BBQ and it made me extremely excited for summer. I literally cannot wait.

With that all out of my system it’s time for Klute... Adios xo

Laughter = Love

After a HIGHlarious conversation with a certain babe of mine last night it became apparent that I needed to write another blog and in her words “ASAP” (and yes capital letters were used to emphasise the importance.) This blog is going to seem very self-loving and for this I would apologise but I’m actually not sorry, so never mind hey! I’d also just like to point out (not that it is necessary) that this blog isn’t for any of my babeish blogette readers (as all of you are genuwine babes, and you should know it) and to be quite honest you'll hopefully agree with what's being said! Instead this blog goes out to all the stereotypical ‘Bournemouth' people. Have a little read and learn to lighten up a bit guys... it’s fun, trust me! :)

Btown (yeah I may be nearing 21 but I'm 100% down with the kiddos) is known for many things. Its beaches, its nightlife, the stupid airshow which completely clogs up the town *grr* its inhabitant Gordon the Tramp and the stereotypical pretentious self-loving "rude and ignorant" *Hi Tom!!* Bournemouth citizen. There are however many people who dare to be different. Step forward myself and Nat. *Busts out the jazz hands while beaming from ear to ear. Daaa daaaaarrrrr!* We make Bournemouth babeish. (I mean to be fair we did invent the word in the first place so of course we ooze babeish-ness!)

Seriously though who else do you know who would dance in Asda to Beyonce Single Ladies whilst people took pictures and watched in complete awe at the end of the aisle? Who else would go out in JEdward masks and X Factor slippers on Halloween completely sober just for jokes? Who else entertains you the way we do on facebook/twitter/blogs, because let’s face it, you’re here now taking time out of your day to read my blog... which you’ve either seen me publish on facebook or twitter (or in true babeish style it’s on your favourites, in which case can I just say I generally LOVE you.) Let’s face it we are entertaining, we are fun and all because we simply have a laugh. That's exactly why we find it so hard to understand and get it round our babeish little brains why everyone else isn’t the same? Who cares what people think? Judge away. Because at the end of the day you don’t know us and I’d much rather spend my time having fun with my friends than slagging people off and being miserable.

I guess the moral of this blog is to lighten up and do what you wanna do instead of following the crowd. It's way more fun being 'weird' compared to being a 'plain Jane' or a 'pretentious Polly' (I defo just made that one up, ha!). So swallow up your pride and have a giggle. Life is too short to take it too seriously so chin up, get your dodgy dance moves out (not that the teapot is in any shape or form dodgy....) hit the dance-floor (or Asda which ever you fancy) and just have a laugh guys. But this time at yourself, instead of other people!

And as Gretchen Weiner once said in Mean Girls,

 “I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.”

Ha, what a babe! xo

P.S. It's majorly off topic but I'd also just like to thank Facebook for the invention of privacy settings. Genius. I am fully loving them right up!

"Lollipop lollipop oh lolly lolly lolly lollipop"

Good afternoon blogette's, I hope you're all well and enjoying the sunshine *happyface* This blog is actually going to be pretty pointless as I don't actually have that much to say. But let's face it, you all know me, I can chat for England so I'm sure writing a blog won't be too challenging...

As you are all probably aware, I have broken my laptop. Whoops. Somehow I have managed to snap the hinges that kept the screen attached to the keyboard. Whoops x 2. She will be leaving me in about an hour or so to go "home" to the Dell factory and no doubt have those silly men sing "Lollipop lollipop oh lolly lolly lolly lollipop" to her, and then I'm hoping she'll be fixed. I'm definitely not envious of her (and yes I do 'personalise' my car and laptop, so effing what? She's pink, so she is obvs a girl anyway I digress...) as that song is beyond annoying, as my dad found out whilst on hold to Dell. Whoops x 3.

Last night I attempted to watch Gossip Girl. THE NEW SERIES IS BACK BIATCHES. I was literally so excited, but the effing links wouldn't work. So I only managed to watch about ten minutes and then it just conked out and refused to work. Cue my sadface. I went in a bit of a strop and when moaning to my mum about it earlier this morning she told me that it was actually on tonight on itv2. That's only two days after its US premiere. Result!! I can confirm that in the ten minutes that I managed to watch I fell in love and want the whole of Serena's outfit (the one with her grey coat.) De-freaking-lish!

Today I also tweeted my 2000th tweet. Yay! I wanted it to be something amazing, witty, unique, entertaining and generally just better than the usual crap I tweet about. So this is what I wrote 
"I drove home with my windows slightly down whilst the sun was shining and the tunes were blaring. *Happyface* I cannot wait for summer!!x"
Hmm so I guess we can call that a fail then! But as I said in my next tweet it may not have been of any interest to anyone, it may not have been witty and it may not have been very entertaining or so on but at least it was positive and not me moaning about not owning an orange convertible mini or Chanel bag etc etc....

Before driving home I "lost" my car again, I do this most times I go to uni (when parking my brain isn't normally functioning enough to remember where I park.) I'm more than often thinking about walking through John Lewis and dribbling over Mulberry bags (which is another item on the want list. Actually speaking of my want list, I'd just like to note that it's my 21st coming up soon, so any Chanel/Mulberry bags or orange convertible minis will be welcomed with opened arms. Along with Christian Louboutins (uk size 4) and all-expenses-paid-trips to New York or LA. This should be of help just in case you were stuck on what to get me. And Dad if you're reading, the Mini would be the best one, thanks) *Anyway back to the topic Emma* so yeah I'd lost my car again. Whoops x 4. So I took to wondering up and down the car park aisles (as I have done many times before) whilst aiming my key in all directions hoping I'd hear Bella unlock. Thankfully it was lovely and sunny today so I didn't mind traipsing around and it didn't take too long to locate her anyway.

Well I think that will be all, as I said when opening this blog I didn't actually have anything in particular to say and so until next time blogette's "You know you love me. xo xo"


P.S. I'm betting a lot of you sang the stupid lollipop song to yourself whilst reading this blog and it will be in your head for at least another ten minutes. Whoops x 5!!

They tried to make me go to rehab...

Good evening all. Gosh it’s been a while and for this, I apologise. My blogs are becoming quite infrequent due to my busy little schedule. Blame uni and alcohol. Talking of which, this will be the topic of today’s blog. Alcohol; a simple seven lettered, three syllabled word that can leave you unable to string sentences together, doing things (or people) that you shouldn’t and just generally transforming from your normal stable sober-self into a crazy-uncontrollable-stumbling-mess (or maybe that’s just me?!) In a phone call that occured earlier today which was based around my alcoholically influenced antics a babe that goes by the name Tom said "Oh I can't wait to read your blog about this weekend" so here we go...

When google-ing alcohol it gave me all these scientific explanations about carbon and hydrogen atoms, this reminded me of the old days of double science in year 10/11 and made me want to vom (nearly as much as my hangovers do) it always confuses me how a couple of drinks can make you feel how you do when you're under the influence of alcohol, of course not everyone is as easily intoxicated as I am and need more than a couple, but still, you get my drift. And also how it affects everyone differently, I for one, start of talking an awful lot more (often complete crap) for example "Do trees go to school?" I also start giggling at anything and everything and am just generally being a little more hyper. Then I'll get to the stage where I can't walk and spend half the time on the floor and then after that I don't normally remember much. Nice

People have said that you can separate the stages of being drunk into five of them:

* Stage 1; Thinking you're super smart. After a couple of drinks you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. I for one could go on mastermind about geography (and you all know full well how shocking I am at this!) You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right, and obvos the person you are talking to is going to be wrong.

* Stage 2; Thinking you're the hottest thing on the planet. This stage is when you convince yourself that you are the best looking person in the entire club and that everyone wants a slice. You can go up to a complete stranger knowing that they are falling madly in love with you every time they see you fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still smart, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Bonus!

* Stage 3; When you think you've won the lottery or something and think you're made of money. This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you obviously have a truck full of money parked behind the bar. You also like making bets at this stage and because you are still smart you'll naturally win all of your bets and become even richer and buy even more people drinks. It's always a pleasant surprise to meet someone whos at stage 3 at the bar... drinks on them. Result!

* Stage 4; Then comes the stage where people believe that their bullet proof. They'll start fights with people who are clearly twice the size of them, and who would easily push them over with their little finger, but oh no, under the influence, this is it you can take on anyone.

* Stage 5; When you become invisible. This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness, at this point you can do anything because no one can see you anyone. You can dance like an absolute freak, sing at the top of your lungs and just generally be an idiot because no one can see or hear you. Lovely!

Anyway enough of the general comments and more about me specifically!! :) Before I became a Blackberry owner it was always dodgy texts/phone calls that were made when out but now its spread to twitter and blackberry messenger as well. Simply hideous. I think Blackberrys should be banned when alcohol is around but at the time it always seems like such a good idea. Yeah I'll text them and say that, they defo need to know it. I also often forget what I've said until the next morning when they ring "Err what did you mean when you said that?" or "You did WHAT?!" Oh crap. And its not just phone calls/texts that I forget, its half the effing night. People will tell me what occurred the night before and I swear to God I wasn't there but they'll promise me I was. I guess this isn't a huge shock, as I'm pretty oblivious in normal everyday life anyway. I find it usually helps to use the camera taken out on the night as a rough timeline of shenanigans, but even that doesn't work sometimes!

Another thing that occurs with me is the fact that I tend to vom. A lot. I know, I'm delish. I wouldn't mind if after I felt a little better, but normally I feel worse. There's a million other places I'd rather be with a hangover rather than crouched over the toilet. I mean seriously when would you ever wanna see that? The sight alone is enough to make you want to vom. That's why, when it's possible I opt for the bucket, pavement or the side of the motorway, I'm not fussy me! Ha, anyway moving on...

Another of my drunken let-downs is the fact that I don't know when to stop. Or I do but I chose to ignore it and carry the heck on. That one more double vodka orange and lemonade and shot of sambuca always seems like such a good idea at the time, however its ALWAYS a mistake. Also the fact that a lot of others can drink way more than me and still not face the consequences doesn't help, it means I obvos have to drink the same because otherwise it's unsociable... right?! (Well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!) Another killer is drinking games, I don't understand half of them when I'm stone-cold sober so how the hell am I meant to play them when I've been drinking? And I swear half of you make up the rules and just make me drink all the time anyway. COH.

Anyway I can't write about alcohol anymore, I can still taste it a little bit in my mouth and it's very off putting. So until Thursday (3 days is surely enough?!) I will stick to the strawberry water, and then I'll get right back on it! Yay. And as Jamie Foxx once said “Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol” and trust me, that I do!

P.S. I'd like to dedicate this lovely blog to Chow, Penny, Ro and Martina who on Saturday night (before the alcoholic antics really began) all commented on how the loved reading my blogs. So this one's for you girlies *Cooie!!* It was also effing lovely to see you all again and great to play the old drinking games and party with you all, although next time make sure I don't toddle off by myself, and Martina lay off the Gin we want you actually making it to town next time!xxx

I have a spring in my step...

...Wow, that title was horrendous. I'd firstly like to apologise for that ridiculous attempt to be witty. Myself and wit do not go, no matter how hard I try. And secondly I'll get the boring stuff out the way, if you haven't done so already (and why the hell not?!) can you please do my online survey on celebrity journalism, it won't take a second and will be really helpful for my dissertation. Thanks poppets. You can find it here at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/93HYR8L ... it's about celebrities so it shouldn't be too tiresome, I mean it could have been about politics. *shudder*

Anyway back to the title, I actually have had a spring in my step and its all down to the lovely weather we've had the last couple of days (not some new crazy shoes I've bought with genuine springs in them... although they do sound kinda fun...) anyway Mr Sunshine had obviously seen my status on facebook at the end of last week and realised that he needed to wack his hat on and come the heck out to play. And play he did. Oh it's been lovely. Today I was contemplating wearing sandals... however after posting it as a question on twitter within a minute I had several people telling me that I was barmy... so pumps it was! And yes I defo did just draw that picture on paint... old school. :)

Apart from the sun life has also been rather lovely. Perez Hilton tweeted me. No. Big. Deal. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. PEREZ HILTON AKA THE PERSON MY BLOG IS NAMED AFTER. PEREZ HILTON... EMMA-EZ HILTON, GET IT? OH MY GOLLY GOSH. It was like Heatworld/Lucie Cave all over again. I was jumping/screaming/genuinely being OVERLY excited around my room. I canny believe it, he has exactly 1,821,994 followers and he replied to me. Christ alive. Talk about insane. Anyway let me tell you the story, he was tweeting Lily Allen and linking her to all the stories he'd written about her basically slagging her off, this made me laugh so I tweeted him saying "HAHAAA keep it up Perez, loving the work!!xx" he didn't reply and then wrote this "@mrskutcher I remember when you used to be an actress! Those were the days! #Hasbeen" this was to Demi Moore, which once again really had me giggling so I replied again (not expecting anything would happen) saying "You are on FIRE tonight. I'm LOVING it!!!xxx" to which he only went and effing replied didn't he "Thanks babe xo xo" HE CALLED ME BABE. OH MY WORD. As soon as this happened, I had random people tweeting me telling me that Perez had replied to me. Insane. His reply would have taken what? 5 seconds to type and my tweets would have probably taken the same to read, so in total I have had 10 seconds of Perez's time. IMPRESSIVE! 

Also as you all know (or should do if you've been reading my blogs) I did some work experience last week at dv8 magazine and the feature I wrote is now up on their online version of the magazine... chickety check it out (it's pages 8-9) and read the rest of it too, its lovely. I also wrote about Tim Henman and a food review, nice. http://www.dv8online.co.uk/ePages/magazine/bournemouth/2010/mar/

In other news I was driving home this evening with the Glee soundtrack up full blast when my favourite came on "Somebody to love". I started howling and honestly thought I was hitting all the notes like Rachel does so effortlessly... then I caught some pedestrians walking past me giving me some right odd looks... so I'm guessing I wasn't sounding as tuneful as I had first thought. The lesson of this story my little blogettes, is that if you insist on singing in the car a) make sure you're singing in tune and b) don't sing too loud, because apparently cars aren't built with sound-proof doors. Who knew? I certainly didn't. Oh well, one of them tripped up afterwards and fell right over, so that's karma for you!

Also today, well this morning to be precise, I was casually watching Gino on This Morning (as you do when you're a student) when my doorbell rung *grr* so I decided it would probably be polite if I answered it seeing as I was the only one home and there was a man stood there "Hello" he said "I'm the fish man" cue a very confused look from me "wanna see?" "Eww no. I hate fish." this clearly symbolised the end of the conversation so I closed the door in his face (bit rude I know, but FISH? Oh puurrrleaseee, everyone knows Nat and her family are the only "fishes" I'll ever like) what the hell was he thinking? Sheesh, the "fish man", doubt he'll be coming back any time soon! 

Hmm, to finish off this lovely happy blog, here's something that will always put a smile on my face, no matter how many times I play it (currently 301 times on itunes) Beyonce - Single Ladies will NEVER get old and will ALWAYS make me happy, it holds too many fantastic memories. And I am EFFING loving this little beauty... watch :)



I can't stop watching. I love it. Anyway I feel that my work here is done :) Have a splendid evening and until next time, take care my darling blogettes xo xo