You know when your brain won't switch off and there's no chance of sleeping? Yeah, that. I'm going through that right now, at 4am on Thursday 14th April. Ironically I had promised myself an early night.. psht!
I often see on the news or hear of how young people have lost their lives. It’s not often, however, that the story is a little closer to home and I actually know the person.
Last night I had an enjoyable evening catching up with “old school friends” (that phrase really hits home how old we’ve all become. I’m 22 in less than 3 weeks; I therefore left school 7 years ago. The very thought makes my stomach turn.) I then watched my (not so) guilty pleasure, TOWIE. I’m guaranteed a laugh a minute watching Joey Essex, Arg, Amy and the crew! Thomas the Tank Engine yoghurts – need I say any more? Afterwards I randomly logged into facebook (this is becoming an activity I don’t do as often as I used to, unless I have a witty/interesting status to publish) and that’s when I saw them; comments of condolence. Someone I knew had passed away and had been cruely taken way too quickly from us. It took a while for what I was reading to actually sink it. Although I’m not sure if it actually has yet, as I still can’t believe it as I'm writing this now.
Sometimes it takes something so devastatingly shocking and out of the blue, like the passing of a friend for you to open your eyes. Now, I can only speak for myself, but sometimes life gets a little repetitive and I personally tend to lose interest and just turn off. I merely go with the flow and get into a routine without pushing myself to try different things, go out of my comfort zone and be spontaneous. Instead I do the same old stuff, with the same old people. Kukui Mondays, Klute Thursdays and wherever on a Saturday… you catch my drift. Don’t get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, and I’ve had plenty of brilliant nights in both said venues, but there’s a lot to be said for being spontaneous and shaking things up a little. Recently I’ve become very complacent. Ever since leaving uni I feel like I’ve got myself into somewhat of a rut. I want out but I haven’t yet done enough to do so. I’d always admired the way Ben had that get-up-and-go attitude. 23 is too young an age to die, but he really did seize every opportunity and made the most out of it, whatever it was. I on the other hand, like a good moan about how I still don’t own a classic Chanel bag, or how I’m still not working for heat magazine. Yet I don’t save the money to buy the bag, nor do I pester enough to get the job. This needs to change, stat.
I hate to sound cliché, but it's true what they say, life truly is too short. Yes it may well be the longest thing any of us will ever go through, but the time we each have varies. Time is precious, but there’s no guarantee or say on how long we’ll get. Subsequently the worst thing we could do is waste it. Ironically I feel I do this way too often. From now on I’m going to try my best to drop any grudges I’ve once had (I’ve been known to hold a great grudge, trust me!) also I want to be more positive rather than negative, try and focus on what I have instead of wanting more, I need to grab opportunities with both hands and make the best out of whatever life throws at me. But most importantly I don’t ever want to miss the opportunity to appreciate someone again. Thankfully I haven’t had to go through too many deaths in my lifetime, but with the ones I have done I’ve always wished I had the chance to tell that person how much I loved them and how much they had meant to me. Another cliché. So basically if you’re reading this and we’re friends, thank you and I love you. And for all those old friends who I’ve lost contact with, we’ve just drifted apart or maybe we fell out, I thank you all as well, because I’m sure I have a hundred special memories with every single one of you and I hope you’re doing well.
I’ve also realised whilst writing this post that in the year and a half I’ve had my blog I’ve completely underestimated the power of writing one. I’ve never been one to keep a diary. I tried it when I was about 14; I think I lasted 2 weeks, max. Ever since I’ve been envious of those who are able to stick at it, I mean what a lovely thing to be able to look back on and read through all those memories again. Instead, my blog is becoming somewhat of a diary for me. I didn’t realise how useful I find it to write (type) things and feelings down. Soppy and geeky it may be, but it helps.
R.I.P BL, you will be truly missed. Sleep soundly xxx
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