Heartbroken

Today is Sunday. I work Sundays, and today was no different. However today I finished to find a VERY interesting tweet (message from a member of Twitter, for all you non twitterbugs) waiting for me. It read:

AHEM. I BRING YOU GOOD NEWS. @dermsoleary ;)

It was from my good twitterbug friend Louise, who I actually haven't spoken to in quite a while (this needs fixing missy). Anywho, I literally stopped in my tracks (ask Mark and Luke, I was walking home with them, they were witnesses.) DERMOT O'FREAKING LUSH LEARY HAS TWITTER. This was the moment I had been waiting for, for a long time. I updated my facebook status: "OMG DERMOT HAS TWITTER!! It literally feels like all my christmas' have come at once! I wonder if injunctions can be taken out over Twitter stalking.... sure we'll find out!! :)!" And it wasn't long until the 'likes' started rolling in!

So anyway I was extremo excited and tweeted him, obviously declaring my love. I was expecting a reply within minutes obviously telling me that he loved me back and that we should hook up, get married, have beautiful kids and live happily ever after. I was picturing our wedding and how we'd laugh at the reception when he made his speech about how we met over Twitter, a true modern-day love story. And Kayleigh agreed, she was adamant I'd receive a reply asking for my address so he'd come a whisk me away to a love den, where we would stay for quite some time....... However, to my utter horror instead of him replying to me I stumbled across a tweet from Dean Piper (celeb jorno) telling everyone that it was a fake. Dermsolearly wasn't infact Dermot O'leary at all.

FML.

My heart shattered into a million pieces, and the only way to deal with such pain is to drink. So, I hit the bottle. The Pimms bottle to be precise. And now here I am, glass in one hand, typing with the other, writing this blog to tell you of my utter heart ache. It hurts. It really hurts. Roll on August for X Factor, that is like two months away. Big fat sigh. I'm off to drown more of my sorrows and try to mend my broken heart. *wacks on soppy love songs and howls along to them* Woe is ME. Goodbye :(

My summer lovin' day...

"Summer lovin' had me a blast. Summer lovin' happened so faaaast"

...You can keep the love (everyone knows I'm a complete and utter commitment phobe) all I want is the sun and lots of it.... and thank the Lord, someone has been listening to me because the sun has been out in full force today! What a glorious day it's been, quite a scorcher and all... it wasn't just the rays, oh no Mr Sunshine provided lots of lovely heat as well. Talk about result! I'd be super happy if it could stay like this (preferably a few degrees hotter) until like October. That would be absolutely marvellous and do nicely.... pretty please?! And while we're on the topic of things I would like, I'm still after that orange convert mini please, even more so in this divine weather. (Talking of minis, a BIG congrats to Lucy on the arrival of her black convertable baby by the way. I'm literally SO excited to meet him.... lucky biatch! Oh and also Miss Hall, if you're reading this, I would like to be taken out in Ryvita sometime soon, thank you in advance!! ♥)

... Anyway I spent my afternoon in the sun on the beach front, with a friend *waves to Camila* who sure as hell does believe in summer lovin'... (well just love in general as she's getting married.) So today we started wedding planning. I got so into it. I felt a little like I was morphing into Monica from friends when she was organising Phoebe's wedding. Camila is so laid back about it all, which in some ways I admire. I mean the other night I couldn't even get to sleep because I was fretting about all the stuff we had to do! I take my role as a b-maid, EXTREMELY seriously. God help me when it’s my turn to be the bride. Now, I'd like to say I'm feeling better after the progress we made today, but I’d be lying. If I'm honest its stressing me out even more. Who knew there was so much to do for a wedding? Jeez! But we did book an appointment in a dress shop for next week so she can try on dresses. This excites me huge amounts and I'll probably cry or something lame when I see her all dressed up. It's all very grown up and very unlike me. Walking into the shop was hilarious, they were playing this posh instrument (I haven't the foggiest what it was. I was never good at music, unless its rapping. I'm amaze at that, just ask Nat! I'm practically the female Dizzee... aaaaaanyway) the shop was very posh, sophisticated and generally just gave out a very 'adulty' vibe, afterall it is bridal shop, theres not going to be cute pink fluffy toy poodles is there... (a damn shame if you ask me) ...so yeah, I felt way out of place! Never mind, I'll wear some pearls or something 'sophisticaed' when we go back next week! Anyway, whilst flicking through all the Bridal magazines this afternoon and also sipping on Pimms (vital) I came across a super cute wedding dress. It was super short, obviously, and just lush. This got me thinking to my wedding. It's going to be amazing. Like seriously, possibly the best thing you'll ever attend.... until I throw my divorce party that is! I also thought about where I’d have my wedding present list thing… I came up with a small list of shops: Selfridges, Kurt Geiger, Chanel, Tiffanys and Topshop. Oh, I can’t wait!

Anyway I’m going to leave it there today, but before I skidaddle can I just say how nice it is to be back blogging and also how lovely all your kind messages have been saying you’re glad I’m back as well! Thank you my little blogettes ♥ and I’ll see you very soon… who knows, maybe even with a cheeky drunken blog over the weekend, because let’s face it, last time was a ruddy hoot! Stay sexy xxx

New blog, new look... same old crap :)

Hiyaaaaa. *waves* and welcome to my new looking blog. How bloody exciting is this! It looks all different and pretty doesn't it?! Way lush!... And what better way to celebrate my brand new shiny looking blog than by writing one? So I'm going to hop to it....

First things first I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest. But before I do so, if any of you out there reading this feel like you could benefit with someone to talk through your worries/pet hates/dilemmas with I'd fully recommend getting a blog, its way cheaper than getting a therapist. Anyway, back to my favourite topic… ME. Yay! So like I’m totes going to have a little rant. Here are my top 5 pet hates:

1. People eating with their mouth open. Vile. Vile. VILE. Please close your mouth whilst you’re chewing on your dinner. I’d rather not see/hear you slushing you’re food around your gob, as it seriously aggravates me. And even worse than that, are people sucking on ice lollies. AAARRRGGGHHH. It literally infuriates me. It’s disgusting and makes me want to grab the fork/ice lolly/whatever they’re eating at the time from their hands and ram it right down their throats with great force in the hope that they choke, violently. There have been several occasions when I’ve been out for dinner and the people on the table next to us have been eating so loudly I could hear them. I guess I have myself to blame in some respects, because it’s one of those things that when I start thinking about it it’s all I can hear. Coh! Anyway if you ever see me in a restaurant/have dinner with me and I glare at you like I want you dead, its probs because I can hear you eating, or I could just hate you… either or!


2. Pathetic messages in cards. When you receive birthday/christmas cards from someone and they literally write “To Emma (then it’ll be the little printed message that comes inside the card) Love John.” What. The. Hell? It doesn’t take a lot of effort, time or imagination to write a little personal message, and you would have never received a card saying just that from me, so don’t give me one. Oh, and just for future reference, I actually rip up these types of cards so if you do only write your name, please don’t waste your time or mine because it will literally be ripped up as soon as you’re out of sight. :)


3. Annoying drivers. People who insist on driving at 53mph in the FAST lane. Just get out. You ridiculous, ridiculous people. Grrr. Although having said that I do quite like undertaking them and giving them evils from behind my sunglasses. Idiots.


4. Being ignored/subject changers. If I ask you a question it would imply I would quite like an answer. Fair enough if you don’t want to talk about it, just say and I’ll leave it out but don’t be sly and change the subject, that’s lame and just annoys me and I’ll probably just carry on asking until I get an answer.


5. People who think they’re better than they actually are. Fair enough if you’re Victoria Beckham, she has every right to be up her own arse, she is amazing. Seriously though, there are a lot of people who need to realise that they’re actually not as amazing as they think they are. You are not God. Kurt Geiger is. Simples.

And breeeeeathe!! Phew…. I have just one more thing to mention, now although it’s not an actual pet hate and it has only recently come back into my life but I still feel it needs to be mentioned. And it is….. drum roll please *bbrrrrrrrr* those silly pathetic little England flags people have hanging out their cars. Err, NO. I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside when I see any lying in the middle of the road that have clearly broken off. I get an even warmer and fuzzier feeling if I can run it over. Good times :)

My next topic of discussion will be the World Cup (smooth little link there, don’t you think?!) So I watched the game on Saturday and wasn’t overly impressed by the talent. And by talent I’m not talking about their ball-kicking abilities. Oh no. I’m talking hotties, and the lack of. Bloody shame if you ask me, I was very disappointed. Two things cheered me up though, someone (can’t remember who, I wasn’t paying that much attention) was wearing a pair of bright orange football boots. I approved. And secondly David Beckham wearing that grey suit, wit woo. Yes please! I’d like more camera shots of him in the next game, thank you very much.


Yesterday I was woken up by a call from Halifax informing me of ‘suspicious’ transactions, turns out my card had been cloned. 1 – 0. The little rascals have spent everything on there. 2 - 0. Luckily I will get the money back. 2 – 1. And being the shopaholic that I am, there wasn’t much in there. 2 - all! Yay! Haha check me out doing football scores, all this world cup stuffs really rubbing off on me and starting to affect my everyday life. I’ve been handing out red cards and all sorts…


Oh. My. God. I’ve just thought of something else I’d like to rant about. Konnie Huq presenting the Xtra Factor this year? Have a laugh will you. She’s going to be utter poop. I should have been given the gig, jesus. I don’t even want to watch it this year; that is how much this decision has disgusted me. Having said that, I’ll tune in to watch the part where she talks to Derm though, obviously! Talking of whom, he totally updated his facebook picture earlier this week. Much appreciated, thanks Derm! Keep them coming.


Anywhoooo must dash I can hear a cheeky glass of Pimms calling my name. I shall leave you with two things. One, this little saying “Facebook are the people you went to school with. Twitter are the people you wish you went to school with” and Two, with the exciting news that I am currently in the middle of a mission to transform myself from ASWDGA to ASWGL. Work it out…


Au Reviour xo xo

OH HELLO CHEEKY BLOG ;)

Wow-wow-wee-waa. A lot has gone down since the last blog. When was it… Tuesday 30th March. Cor frigging blimey that’s a long effing time to go without blogging. And let me tell you this my dearly loved and missed blogettes it feels good to be back and I promise to not leave it this long again. Basically since the last blog I turned into a geek, shoved my head into books and hated life whilst writing a dissertation, then I turned into a raving alcoholic for my 21st and then I just kinda got really busy with things that were out of my control and now I’m here getting my blogging life back on track and trying to steer myself away from certain situations. Fabulous! Gosh it feels way weird writing this, there is so much to say, I’m not sure I’ll remember all of it/I can’t be bothered! But I’ll cover the major bits and get back into my blogging swing, kaping!

So first things first I’m now exactly 21, one month and one week old. Splendid. I don’t remember a lot of my birthday, I was extremo merry, see the picture above for proof... (as if any was actually needed though, jeez!!) Good times all round. Now not only am I the ripe old age of 21 but I have also pretty much finished university. FML. Last hand in is on Monday (note to self: crack on with that Em) Anyway where have the last 3 years gone? Christ, so scary. So here is the dealio, I’ve got to like enter the real world. You know, full time working, 9-5 crap, paying bills/rent, growing up a bit, not sleeping in and watching This Morning. BUGGER. I am not looking forward to this at all. Now although I have absolutely HATED my course, I def do not want to be a news journalist (I’m all about celebs and gossip me, as you all know full well) I’m going to miss my student lifestyle something crazy. On the topic of being a student, I officially no longer have a student overdraft and I plan to keep it this way. Halifax are cheeky little things, they bribe you into getting one (it didn’t take much to bribe me) and off I went shopping in West Quay when I should have been at uni and voila before you know it I’m two grand in debt. Oh. It’s also terribly hard to get out of, however lucky that’s been sorted kindly by a certain someone… Jazpups. What a babe. Anyway so yeah no more student overdraft spenditures for me. Sad effing face.

Another major occurance since my last blog would be the election. Now as you know I despise politics, but it was way juicy wasn’t it. Now I don’t want to give the impression I knew what was going on, because to be fair I hadn’t the foggiest, but we totes had a ‘hung’ parliament, which in my eyes can only mean good things. Anyway enough of that codswollop, I’m bored already….

BGT. Britains. Got. Talent. Ohhhh Mannnnnn. Literally love that show. I loved Twist and Pulse they were lush, and I’m going to teach Jazpups how to dance so we can win next year. Talk about a plan Batman. Another thing is I have fallen in love with Simon Cowell. I’m not overly crazy on the hairy chest, but the way he winks, oh it gets me every time! Also how bloody brilliant was it when Louis Walsh made a cameo as a judge. Myself and Nat literally looked at each other and screamed with pure love. The man is a God. The End.

Anyway another juicy little snippet from my life in the past couple of months is Desperate Housewives (and Gossip Girl, kind of)….. Ha I am literally the coolest person on this planet. But seriously OH MY ACTUAL GOD MY MOUTH CANNOT BE CLOSED. What on earth? The Desp Housies storylines are insane it is without a doubt my favourite programme and I can’t wait for you all to watch it because FML its SOOOOOOOO good. Woah. I think it’ll be aired sometime in the next few weeks on tv, but for all you bad ass’s out there like me, hook yourself up with it online. Yeah.

SATC2. After a couple years wait it’s finally here, and I’m disappointed. FML. I felt let down having sat through the two hours of it, yes there were funny parts and yes it is Sex and the City so I’m not going to sit here and fully slag it off, but seriously for all those who have seen it, what actually really happened? They went on holiday? Oh right excellent, that’s really movie-making stuff isn’t it. Errr, NO. Big massive huff. I was expecting more and they didn’t deliver therefore I had a sad face. However saying that I plan to go and see it again in the hope I will change my mind. Also Toy Story 3 is out soon, I swear to god if that film lets me down as much as SATC2 did I think I may lose the will to live. Bring on Buzz and the gang.

Hmm what else? Dermot O’Leary is opening a fish restaurant in Poole. I actually can’t think of two things I despise more than fish (vom) and Poole (major vom) but if Dermot’s involved then I sure as hell am going to be as well. I just need to find out the address and I’ll be there day and night waiting for him, then he’ll obviously realise that Dee needs to Koppang off and we’ll live happily ever after. Aww.

I’m also slowly worming my way back into Twitter, I vanished from there too. This is like totally off topic but I went to the doctors today, I thought I’d broken my fingers, turns out I hadn’t. Anyway that’s beside the point, I‘d just like to publically express my hatred for doctors waiting rooms. Oh they are just vile. The horrendously out-of-date magazines, the constant coughing and spluttering from other patients, the stupid waiting around (an hour and 10 minutes today, FML) and the babies crying. I detest the whole experience I really do. Another thing I hate is spiders. They need to get out of my life completely. Horrible, horrible creatures. Oh and peas, I don’t like peas either. Vom.

Anyhow enough of my rant, crickey!! I clearly needed this blog to vent and I actually feel a lot better now, phewf!! So I’m going to leave you with a little thought: “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”… It’s had me puzzled for days! Anyway until next time folks! (which will hopefully be within the next week…) Take care, and for God’s sake, keep sexy! xo xo

P.S. I’d very much like a cheeky bbq on the beach with Pimms, come back out Mr. Sunshine.

P.S.S. I’m also secretly (although it’s not so secret now) quite excited about the World Cup. C’MON ENGLAND WOO WOOOO. Just a terrible shame DB isn’t playing. Huff. Oh well, suppose we’ve still got Rooney to dribble (no pun intended ;) … ) over…. err OR NOT!

P.S.S.S. I have a lot of love and time for wine, I’m going to get me some now to celebrate this blog. Amen to that Sisters. Over and OUT. Xxxx