I've learnt a lot since moving to London nearly a year ago.
London is an exciting, hectic city: one that has its own rules. Although the
majority of these are unwritten all Londoners are aware of them which make
newbies such as myself stick out like a sore, throbbing thumb. Don't be a thumb, no one wants to be a thumb..
With the Olympics fast approaching I thought I’d do the
honourable thing by writing a blog about the rules of the underground for all
the tourists and Olympic-keeno’s that will soon be clogging up our
beloved tubes. Take note….
1.
The signs on the escalators that say “Stand to
the right” are not there for decoration. I once made the nearly fatal mistake
of standing on the left side of an escalator. I was blissfully unaware of the
whole “stand on the right” situation and was simply too engaged in the
conversation I was having with my friend to realise I needed to abide to such
rule. That was until I was growled at. I innocently turned around and much to
my surprise found that a Lion hadn’t escaped from London Zoo but the thing that
had just growled in my right ear was in fact a fully grown man (I’m guessing
around 50 years of age) smartly dressed in a suit and tapping away on his
Blackberry. He then continued to shout “Can you not f***in read? Stand on the
f***ing right you imbecile.” I was terrified and quickly scurried to the right
hand side and stood there shaking like a leaf for the rest of my escalator
ride. According to an article I read recently Londoners suffer from Chronophobia – a fear of time. Rushing is
subsequently a part of a Londoner’s daily routine, so much so that people
stress over losing a single minute of time, hence the whole stand on the right
rule. Learn from my mistakes and don’t even contemplate standing on the
left, no matter how quiet it may look there will ALWAYS be someone ready to
pounce and trample over you. And that person, ironically, may be me. I'm starting to realise how much London life has changed me over the last 10 months. After making the left-hand-side mistake I’m now more likely
to be the impatient person subtly coughing behind someone’s back rather than the clueless soul standing
on the wrong side. Of course I’ll follow the cough up with an “excuse me” because
no matter where you are: manners don’t cost a thing.
2.
Find your Oyster card before you get to the
barrier. There’s nothing worse than clutching your Oyster and being stuck
behind someone who faffs around looking for their card in their
pockets/bag/briefcase. You know full well that you’re going to need to it to enter the station
so prepare yourself before you get there please.
3.
If you have luggage don’t put it on the seat
next to you, clog up the middle of the aisle by putting it by your feet or leave
it unattended because that my friends will create a security alert and no one
wants one of those when underground in a dark tunnel surrounded by rats. Trust
me. I’ve been there. It wasn’t fun.
4.
Try to avoid eye contact with people and God
forbid don’t strike up a conversation with the guy next to you who’s reading a
book that you recently read and loved. The chances are he won’t want to discuss
it with you, and if by some sort of miracle/strange reason he does, the rest of
the carriage most definitely won’t share your passion. They’ll think you’re weird
for starting a conversation with a stranger and they’ll also probably get
annoyed with the fact that you’re talking. Shhh.
5.
Don’t take pictures by Underground signs. Yes you’re
at Oxford Street, well done; now get over it because you’re certainly not the first to
visit and you most definitely won’t be the last. However if you really must insist
on doing so (and I agree that there are some stations that do need photos with:
see Cockfosters) then please don’t stop mid-walk just as people are getting off
the train because it will aggravate and cause hassle. Wait until it’s a bit
quieter, that way it will also cause a lot less embarrassment… Prepare yourself
for an onslaught of weird looks.
6.
Respect a queue and don’t push in. Londoner’s may
rush and are extremely busy but you rarely see them skip a queue. Join the back
and wait your turn like everyone else or prepare to face the wrath.
7.
Tube doors open automatically. The buttons on
them don’t work. There’s subsequently no need to push them, constantly.
8.
Let people get off before you get on. This is a
golden rule. It’s seen as impolite and if you don’t follow this you’ll undoubtedly
receive looks of unimaginable hatred. As I’ve mentioned several times before: Londoner’s
are normally in a rush so you won’t have to wait too long and you probably won’t
miss the train either. And even if you do there will be another one along
shortly so don’t fret.
9.
Give up your seat to pregnant women or the
elderly. Think of it as your good deed of the day. You’ll be repaid for said
action with good karma afterwards. (Or so I keep telling myself every time I do
it. I’m still waiting for a puppy if you’re listening Karma…)
I think that just about covers the most important of rules. All that’s
left to do is wish you well on your adventures on the underground. I hope all your
journeys are pleasant, safe and most importantly that you don’t find your head
nestled underneath a man’s armpit after he’s worked a full day without wearing
any deodorant. See you on the Central line….. xo
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