Madonna made the Bowl Super.

This weekend I have turned into somewhat of a sports pundit. I watched the West Ham v Millwall match on Saturday which although I cringed my way through the entirety of it, I enjoyed it and was very pleased with the result. After that I watched some of the Six Nations rugby and learnt some of the rules, such as the fact they can throw the ball out and it doesn’t mean the other team get the throw in. I also watched/shouted at the Manchester United match against Chelsea on Sunday. YES ROONEY! Bizarre as it may seem, I actually enjoyed watching both football matches (for completely different reasons) and the rugby (as it was something a bit different.) Another sport that I’ve never watched before is American Football. I’ve always wanted/planned to watch the Super bowl ever since watching that Friends episode… but I never have/I’ve fallen asleep too early! This year, however, I had every intention of making it through to at least halftime…

After getting a little over excited on Twitter and asking about a hundred questions about the game (and hashtagging #HelpMeImEnglishIDontUnderstand) such as: What is a touchdown? What teams are playing? What’s the aim of the game? Why have they got war-paint on? I was once again sent to Twitter jail, meaning I could no longer give my somewhat “individual” running commentary. Gutted. But at least I vaguely understood the game and had had my questions answered. A touchdown is when the ball is passed into the “end zone” in other words the coloured grass. The teams playing were the New York Giants against the New England Patriots. (I was rooting for the Giant’s as I heart New York.) The aim of the game is to get as many touchdowns as you can, subsequently scoring the most points. And the “war-paint” is apparently to help the glare from the lights into their eyes. Who knew?! Having been muted on Twitter I went and watched some with my Dad who explained it further to me and I was getting in to it. I understood that you have four passes to move 10 yards. So 2^nd and 3 now makes complete sense to me. Amazing! However if I’m honest, the real reason I was watching it and forcing myself to stay awake when I was so desperate to sleep with my eye-lids genuinely aching, was to see Madonna’s halftime show. No matter how much I’ve enjoyed watching all this sport over the weekend my true passion will ALWAYS be celebrities.

Having watched some of the Super bowl, I’ll tell you this. It is LONG. There are SO many advert breaks in it, it’s horrendous. My dad told me that without all of these, the game is actually shorter than a football match; however America likes to drag it out over four hours. Absolute nutters! I was getting very sleepy and actually dozed off at one point, however luckily I awoke just in time for Madonna to take the stage. YES. I’ve always liked Madonna. I’m a big fan of her old material. So much so that I wish I was born earlier on in the 80s so I could have grown up with her.

Anyway the first half of the match was over and we cut back to the BBC studio where they told us Madonna was seven minutes away. Those seven minutes dragged like hell. Thankfully I was able to stay away though, to witness the best 13 minutes of my year so far. Those 13 minutes were filled with plenty of surprise cameos, high-tech stage lights and, of course, some of the biggest classics in pop music.

Her entrance was very small and reserved…. NAAAAAT! She dramatically came out and was initially hidden by huge feathers, dressed like Cleopatra being pulled by hundreds of ripped topless men. YES Madonna! She was dressed in Givenchy, which was completely back and gold, with a gold head-dress and past-the-knee leather boots. She looked flipping fierce for a 53 year old. However one thing I did notice was that she was wearing sleeves. Probably because she’s read all the nasty things people have written about her muscular arms, well it was either that or it was cold…!

She opened the show with an an edgy remix of ‘Vogue’. Vogue is one of my all time favourite songs, so we were off to a flying start! Team that with her ingenious 'walk-like-an-Egyptian' inspired Vogue dance moves and I was in Madonna heaven. The song then morphed into her hit 'Music' as her gold head-dress was taken off by a fit-bodied man. One of my favourite moments of this part of the show was where she did a cartwheel with her head in the crotch of a young, hot male. YES Madonna that's right! Next up she gracefully clambered onto the shoulders of her first guest performers, LMFAO. They went on to sing ‘Party Rock’ and ‘I'm Sexy and I Know It’, which was entertaining to say the least. A shufflin' Madonna, yes, I repeat, a shufflin' Madonna (and in those leather boots as well – priceless!) was then joined by female rappers Nicki Minaj and M.I.A and they smoothly transitioned into her newest song, 'Gimme All Your Luvin''. I was loving every moment so far, and things were only going to get better!

The female rappers both got their chances to shine and although Nicki and M.I.A’s parts were both only brief, they still completely slayed, and helped form the perfect cheerleading trio with Madonna and all teamed with gold pom-poms and a brilliant catchy latest hit. "L. U. V. Madonna! Y. O. U. You wanna?" Next in this spectacle came on a marching band, with Cee Lo Green up front wearing a helmet and a cape. Bizarre yet brilliant! They briefly sang an Open Your Heart/Express Yourself medley which was obviously fantastic and then went into ‘Like a Prayer.’ For this Madonna wore a head-to-toe black gown and was raised up on a platform, with Cee Lo, who was also now dressed in a head-to-toe black gown (although his was covered in sequins – jel!) with a black and white gowned gospel choir singing beneath them. Up there they swayed along whilst singing her hit song. After that Madonna disappeared in an enormous puff of smoke, and the camera shot out to show the stadium lit up with the message of ‘world peace’. I mean, what’s the point of a performance without a public service message?! And with that, it was over. I was devastated. I wanted more, immediately. So I rewound and watched again!

Even though the Queen of Pop's glitzy show appeared to run smoothly, the over-the-top theatrics might have helped cast a shadow over some of the fumbles. Including a moment where she nearly fell over, MIA flipping the bird and the fact she didn’t sing a word; speaking of which the  "Mime Police" can take the high road. I for one would much rather watch a brilliant performance filled with superb cheography resulting in it being a show rather than a live vocal. Errrr, hellooooo, I love Britney! And anyway, apparently it is a Super Bowl policy that all halftime show vocals must be pre-recorded, so shhh! People also complained about the amount of thrusting that was going on, along with the fact that she wasn't completely covered up in clothes. Are you fo'real? If I look like that when I'm 53, I will be doing the exact same, just not on a massive stage in the middle of an American Football pitch, just casually along the streets of Britian. Mark my words. Having said all of that however; having Madonna without some controversy would be like having a roast dinner without any gravy. Dry and boring. No thank you.

Madonna’s halftime show was ridiculous, but in the best possible way. The stage and choreography was spot on. It was dramatic, entertaining, mesmerising, amusing, energetic and grand, which not many would be able to pull off within just under 13 minutes. It would be fair to say that she’s most definitely still got it. And if all halftime shows are like that then I vow to never miss a Super bowl ever again! I’m off to go and buy some gold pompoms, a ticket to her concert, a gym membership and a one-way ticket to America…

All I’ve left to say is; L. U. V. Madonna!

(Oh and for those of you who were asleep or haven't yet seen it, watch it immediately!)