NTAs

Wednesday night was home to the 17^th annual National Television Awards. This is without a doubt my favourite award ceremony and I watch them religiously, and no, not just for the host. Talking of whom, Dermot stepped out looking bronzed, in black suit teamed with a bow tie. Winner. However, unlike The X Factor openings there was no little dance. However I was in luck as the awards were on for a total of two and a half hours. Two and a half hours of Dermot? Don’t mind if I do

Bruce Forsyth came out singing ‘Let There Be Love.’ It was awful. I’m not like the majority of people in thinking that Bruce is a television legend; in fact I think he’s far from it. He’s an extremely annoying, old washed up has-been. Massive snore. After a painful few minutes of Bruce stood on the stage singing and attempted to dance I was ready to give up with the ceremony all together when Ant and Dec came out to join him. If it weren’t for them saving him it would have been the best bit of car-crash television we’d seen in quite some time. Even with them it was still the cringiest thing I’ve had to witness in a long time. Anyway enough of that, I don’t even like thinking back to it!

Thankfully after the horrific introduction it was time for the awards to really start. Tulisa walked out to present the first award of the night for Best Entertainment Programme. She have clearly been given a fake memo about the dress code for the awards being fancy dress as she came out wearing what can only be described as a flamingo costume. You wouldn’t see Cheryl wearing that kind of crap. Anyway Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Road Show won, which came as a big surprise. Next up was an ITV tradition of an ad break. What a surprise! Oh, ITV you and your ad breaks kill me. Zzzzz.

When we finally went back to the awards Alan Carr was seen waving. He’s got to be the most hilarious human being to ever walk this planet, surely. Even seeing him wave had my in hysterics! Hugh Bonneville took to the stage to present the award for Best Drama Performance (Female) and whaddyaknow the winner was Karen Gillan. I’m not going to lie, I have no idea who she is, however as soon as it was announced that she was from Doctor who it became obvious that she’d win. She was very peculiar; she wore a very dull and boring dress teamed with FLAT shoes. Flat shoes to the NTAs? No. You’re a wrongen Karen, soz.

Next to present an award was Russell Kane who revealed on his twitter that he wasn’t actually meant to present anything but an un-named celebrity got caught up in traffic and so producers asked Russell who was hanging out backstage! He presented the award for Best Comedy Panel Show. There was only one winner in this category for me and thankfully it won Celebrity juice. I was SO excited to hear Keith’s acceptance speech but he disappointingly kept it very clean and tame, obviously because it was still quite early on in the night. He was, however, dressed in a bright gold suit which made up for the lack of hilarity slightly. Holly looked lovely, as ever, in a black dress and cute floaty hair. Fearne was dressed in silver and also looked lush even though she had her hair scraped back.

Mark Wright presented the award for Best Newcomer. His presenting skills still leave a lot to be desired and I had to watch through my hands. Cringin’ell. Jacqueline Josser from Eastenders took this one, and she looked delighted. I wasn’t too sure on the dress; it was a little too Edwardian style for my liking, but she pulled it off. She should have also won another award for the most awkward speech of the night. Bless her!

After yet even more adverts it was time for a new award, the Landmark Award which was given to David Walliams, for swimming The Thames for Sports Relief. After the first obvious standing ovation of the night David gave a humble speech and finished with saying that this year Alan Carr would be doing it in a thong. Brilliant!

The presenter of the next award was Thierry Henry, yet another of my crushes. His French accent nearly killed me. Ohh laa laa. I also wasn’t the only one to be excited about him being there as Dermot looked absolutely thrilled, what with being a massive Arsenal supporter and all. Thierry revealed the Best Talk Show winner was Alan Carr Chatty Man and I was thrilled, as was Alan who was jumping around on stage. At the beginning of his speech he said “merci beaucoup!” to Thierry. Seriously, he is the funniest man alive, no doubt.

After yet another ad break it was time for Little Mix’s first live performance since winning the X Factor before Christmas. They all looked amazing and hadn’t lost their quirky style. However none of them were wearing their usual hi-tops, instead they were all in heels. Shocker! Singing ‘What’s it gonna be” they hit the notes effortlessly and harmonised well and proved exactly why they won the X Factor. Jesy’s hair was even bigger than usual as all four girls stood on separate heart shaped platforms.

Caroline Quentin then took to the stage to present the award for Best Drama Performance (Male) which went to… drum roll…. Matt Smith from Doctor Who! Shocker…. Naaaaaaaaat. Seeing as I haven’t watched a whole episode of Doctor Who without falling asleep I’m always bemused as to the hype that surrounds the popular BBC series. Also subsequently Matt Smith is better known by me for schweffing Daisy Lowe, not for his incredible acting, but nevs mind.

A surprise presenter in the form of Kermit the frog was next to take to the stage after even more adverts. The green puppet was presenting the award for Best Entertainment Presenter. I had my fingers very tightly crossed for my man Dermot but knew deep down he was never going to win against the unstoppable force that is Ant and Dec, and alas, whaddyaknow, they won again. For the 11^th year running. Wow. They’re quite literally untouchable and fair play they are really good, entertaining, endearing presenters but surely it’s time we reward someone else? Obviously not! Also I felt so sorry for Dermot, who having just lost out (again) to Ant and Dec had to carry on presenting the nights proceedings. Hashtag awkward!

Lara Pulver came out to present the award for Best Serial Drama Performance. The winner of which, Katherine Kelly, wasn’t even there! Two other actors from Corrie (I’m not sure who, as I don’t watch) took to the stage to say that she (Katherine) didn’t see it coming to then take out a piece of paper with a speech written on it. Oh! It was without a doubt the most prepared speech of the evening, considering it was from someone who wasn’t expecting it….!

Next up and wearing sunglasses Will I Am popped out to present the NTA for Best Reality Programme, whilst listing the nominations TOWIE got the biggest scream! Ironically in this category Mark Wight was up against himself in TOWIE and I’m A Celeb! Luckily for him he won, with I’m A Celeb, whilst the rest of the TOWIE gang looked devastated. Then just to add insult to injury Mark gave a “shout-out” to the “TOWIE lot” lol! Ant and Dec started the acceptance speech but then invited the celebrities to join in, however this quickly turned into a disaster with awkward pauses, talking over one another and just general chaos so Dec being the professional (and award winning presenter) that he is rounded it up!

Then came Chris Moyles to present the Outstanding Contribution Award, which went to Mr Gary Barlow for his charity work, his judging talents, his musical background and his collection of swanky looking suits? Cue the obvious standing ovation from everyone and up he went to the stage to collect his award. He started with saying “This award is absolute faaaantastic” which amused me highly however I still felt totally bemused as to why he won, as his contributions to X Factor were anything but outstanding..

Hilary Devey was the next “celebrity” to present an award (no I haven’t a clue who she is either?) and she had apparently twisted her knee so lucky old her got Dermot to help her walk to the microphone. Biatch. She was presenting the award for Best Factual Programme which went to This Morning. Both Holly and Phil looked genuinely shocked when she announced they had won for the second year running. Nice work TM!

It was then time for another musical interlude, this time from the Military Wives who sang Adele’s ‘Make You Feel My Love’. It was a very touching performance, and received an amazing reaction from the crowd, with yet another standing ovation! People are always so polite at awards ceremonies! Then two of the wives stepped forward to present the award for Best Drama, which this year went to Downton Abbey! No surprise there considering they won a Golden Globe last week!

Tottering out in some super high heels and an amazingly tight dress was the stunning Elle McPhearson to present the award for Best Talent Show. Dermot went straight in for a kiss and looked minuscule next to the model! Elle then went on to tell everyone that she saw Dermot backstage with his shirt off. WTF. BITCH. Anyway after that bombshell (that broke my heart) and after fluffing up her lines by saying “Best Telephone Award” Elle announced that the Best Talent Show was the X Factor. Tulisa literally ran onto the stage to grab her awards, whilst poor old Derm didn’t get a look in, even though he’s been on way more series than she has. Urgh.

Next was time for some more adverts and the new Cheryl advert come on, which just confirmed my hatred for Tulisa and made me miss Chezza even more! Come baccccck! After the break the Best Sitcom (situation comedy) award was presented by Richard Wilson who walked out with some bagpipes. Peculiar.  Outnumbered won this one. I haven’t watched it. I hate kids. The end.

The second to last award of the night was this year’s Special Recognition Award, which, much to my horror was presented by Bruce Forsyth. A technical hitch occurred and the microphones mucked up, which Bruce milked and made a bigger deal out of it than what was necessary (as if we’d expect anything less. Idiot.) He also went on to have a rant about strictly being a talent show. Bad loser anyone? Anyway after a few minutes of Bruce painfully blabbering on about himself, whilst I cringed beyond belief, he finally revealed the recipient of this award to be Jonathon Ross, who this year has celebrated 25 years in the business. Cue yet another standing ovation from everyone *rolls eyes* and up he went to the stage after an extremely boring montage, seeing as he’s such a funny man they picked some dog-awful clips to show. He humorously thanked all the channels who have stood by him, and to the others, he said he understood! What a good sport. Take note Bruce, you annoying old man.

There was only one award left until the awards were done again for another year and it was Paul O’Grady’s turn to present. The Best Serial Drama award went to Coronation Street so they all squeezed onto the stage and dedicated this year’s award to Betty Driver. Cute.

And with that, it was all over again for another year! Dermot rounded it up and just as I was wishing we had seen more of him during the awards he was gone and the credits were rolling. Ohhh man! There's always next year Dermot, fingers crossed!….