Laryngitis

I love to talk. I talk to strangers. I talk on the phone. I talk to myself. I talk to people on the tube (even though apparently there’s some sort of unwritten law against it.) I talk to customers as if I’ve known them all my life when really it’s the first time I’ve ever met them. I talk in my sleep. I talk to my dog. Basically talking is probably one of my favourite things to do, so much so that I’d say it’s on a par with shopping.  So, imagine my utter dismay when having struggled with a sore throat for a couple of weeks I went to the doctors to be told I had Laryngitis. I wasn’t sure what it was, I guessed something similar to tonsillitis. Having looked it up the definition is “Laryngitis is an inflammation of the larynx. It causes hoarse voice or the complete loss of the voice because of irritation to the vocal folds.” Brilliant. Sadly it’s a viral infection so antibiotics weren’t an option to clear it up. Following that blow there was even better news coming my way with the advice the Doctor gave me. “Rest your voice. Don’t speak. Mime if you must, but no speaking for at least three days.” PARDON? No speaking for at least three days? She must be having a laugh right? Does she not know who she’s talking to? Me, Emma Jamieson, the girl who never stops talking.

Being the obedient patient that I am I followed the Doctors ridiculous (in my opinion) rule and lasted nearly five days. I spoke very little. I replaced my use of speech by using an etch-a-sketch (that was admittedly quite fun/retro) but apart from that it was utter torture. I didn’t realise how much I actually spoke until I was told not to. Conclusion: I normally talk a LOT!

Anyway I’m sadly still suffering, the whole resting period hasn’t worked and I’ve got my delicious croaky voice back. However I’m lying, it isn’t delicious by any stretch of the imagination. You know some dog toys have a squeak in them? Yeah. I sound like that. Lush.

Do you know what’s even more annoying than not being able to speak? I’ll tell you what; people coming up and saying that they’ve never lost their voice and they’re jealous. “I’ve always wanted to lose my voice” “Oh I’m so jealous, I wish I couldn’t speak” Err, have you lost your mind? This current situation I find myself in isn’t in any way fun. I’m not enjoying it. I’d happily swap throats with you so you can have this horrid virus and lose your voice. I’m pretty sure you’d be bored of it after half a day and regret your shallow-minded comments, but it would be too late because I’d be having the last laugh, quite literally, by using your virus-free throat!

I guess the point of this blog is that even though I’m struggling to speak I’m still able to write. THANK GOODNESS. And let’s face it, a blog was well over-due. So yeah I can’t speak, but I can still write. So expect a gazillion blogs coming your way….!