One Born Every Minute

I've never been a "baby person." I've not had an urge to have a baby, unlike several of my "mummy friends". I can barely look after myself, let alone have a tiny, helpless human-being rely on me. I'm selfish: I'd rather spend my money on shoes than nappies. I like that I can go out when I want and sip cocktails into the early hours without having to organise a sitter. Although every year flies by and I feel as though I'm very nearly at the age where I receive my free bus pass, the reality is that I'm still young. 23 going on 24 isn't old. Granted it's the oldest I've been which is why it feels old, but really it's not that old... Is it? Please tell me it isn't! Lastly I want to achieve things for myself before I start focusing my life on someone else. Once again: selfish.

It would be fair to say that I'm not exactly renowned for my love of children, or that's how it used to be. I'm warming to them. No longer do I wince in pain at the mere sight of a child running around. Sometimes I coo. Yes I, Emma Jamieson aka the Child Catcher, have cooed over someone under the age of 5, although admittedly they've all been well dressed and well behaved little people which may have something to do with it, but regardless I have cooed and I coo quite frequently! I recently came across the most adorable American family on twitter who run the sweetest of blogs. The mum updates it regularly with pictures of her seemingly perfect little family and I've sat there for many a hour over the last week (whilst being poorly - I'd just like to point out!) cooing. At first I blamed the fact I was ill, but in my "old" age I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that I have a heart, which is in fact not made of stone! (That's a turn out for the books isn't it!) I showed my fellow not-so-keen-on-kids friend: Hannah and just like me she went a little slushy-eyed at the pictures she saw. Although she wasn't as bad as me, before she gets annoyed because I'm announcing that she also has a heart - this is quite the revelation for those of you that know us! By the way, you too can feel all slushy and gooey by reading Taza's blog here - Little E and Samson really are the most adorably cute duo and Josh and Naomi (the almost as cute parents) manage to capture the most beautiful moments on camera - enjoy!

For the last week or so I've seen a lot of posts on social networking sites expressing the authors pure delight/excitement about the fact that One Born Every Minute (a British reality television programme, shown on Channel 4, which shows footage from inside a labour ward. OBEM for short.) is back on our television screens. I personally couldn't think of anything worse. Along with not really wanting a baby (yet) the thought of giving birth makes me want to sit cross-legged for the rest of my life. No thank you. Yes, it may well be the "miracle of life" but boy does it look nasty, couldn't they have thought of a nicer, prettier way to bring about this miracle? Something that involves glitter? Or we could just keep it old-school and bring back the Stork who dropped your new bundle of joy off on your front door step. I mean c'mon that's cute (and practical, especially if you got to choose a delivery slot!)

What with it being the new year and all I thought I'd attempt to watch an ENTIRE episode. I've tried a couple of times before after seeing the hype on twitter but have never managed to last longer than 10 minutes. The screaming, howling, blood, guts and general look of discomfort is too much for me to bear (although the same thing can be said with Casualty I've never been able to watch that either, so it's not giving birth in particular that makes me feel queasy!) Anyway, so there I was, sat (cross-legged, naturally) on my sofa at 9pm this evening wondering what the hell I was about to let myself in for. I'd tried, earlier on, to mentally prepare myself for what I was going to see by reminding myself that it wasn't me and that I'm not pregnant. It's just a TV show. People give birth every minute Emma, hence the name of the show. It can't be that bad...

...It was. I lasted 8 minutes. I didn't even make it to the first ad break before I had to switch over and watch Peter Andre: My Life (which in some ways was even worse than OBEM. Yes Peter, we get it, you love you kids. How many more freaking tv shows do you have to drag out?) Anyway, I truly admire all of you ladies who have gone through the trauma of what they show on OBEM, seriously: you are heroes. I'm hoping by the time I'm ready and want to have children Science will have come up with another way of getting it out, other than a c-section because those too gives me the heebie-geebies. If any Scientists/Geniuses are reading this I'd like a button that you press which magically gets your baby out with no damage, pain or slimy goo involved. Just glitter, please.

I plan to attempt to watch the second episode next week, I mean even if I only make it past 8 minutes, it'll be an improvement! I'd lastly like to point out that although I've warmed to babies I still prefer to lust over prams! The winter edition of the Stokke Xplory is quite simply incredible. Any pram with a faux-fur hand muff and lining gets a massive thumbs up from me! I saw a customer with one last month. I clocked her the moment she walked in with it. It was a metallic silver, with white fur. Divine. I casually followed her around the store before it got too much and I had to go and compliment her on her brilliant choice of pram. She was flattered, her baby however wasn't. I made her baby cry, a lot. Oops, some things will never change, ay!
Now, I wonder how socially unacceptable it would be to push around a puppy/bag/pair of shoes instead of a baby, hmm....

Did you watch OBEM? What did you make of it? And who wants to start placing bets on how long I'll be able to watch it for next week...!